I know what you need. I really do.

[stoney321]

It is to laugh. Well, to have bills paid, some free chocolate/treat of your choosing appear, ease of living forever BUT WHAT I HAVE TO SHARE IS A LAUGH. Don't be so greedy, gosh.

Real housewives of -- WHY ARE YOU SCROLLING? STOP THAT. Just give me a minute. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is back, and the ridiculous opulence and faux manners is so fun to watch. Especially when it's ruined by some drunk social climber busting into a conversation to ask someone if they've "stopped f*cking that janitor guy yet?" (Not actual words, but it's so much more fun to read my interpretation, right?)

THE RECAP.

Excerpt:

Later at Taylor’s house, she has her housekeeper water down the margaritas. You know, because she doesn’t want people “getting drunk.” Girlfriend, we know you’re having money problems. I know you hid that bottle of Jose Cuervo so they wouldn’t know that you had the housekeeper strain it through a dishtowel to take some of the nasty away. Hey, at least you didn’t buy one of those dreadful frozen margarita buckets, right?

[Guests] arrive to be told that the menu is Spanish. Or Mexican? Taylor doesn’t know, she’s from Oklahoma and everything there looks the same and her housekeeper made it but she’s from like, Guatemala (shh!) but that’s kinda Mexican, right? Taylor hands over the biggest, stupidest margarita glasses I have ever seen, and I am from Texas. We know big and stupid.

Now, I hate margarita glasses. One, they’re huge and take up valuable real estate in your cabinet. Two, they tump over (that’s the language of my people, tip + dump = tump) and make a mess, and three, what is this, 1987? Are you going to make me some mozzarella sticks and jalapeño poppers, too? Just pour me a margarita in a 16 oz glass and let me hate myself in the morning, like God intended.

(With apologies to my dear Okies - I just like to rib Taylor.) Thank you for all of the HDJM support! The girls and I appreciate every single comment, like, and share!

Comments

[swmbo.livejournal.com]

You just mocked jalapeno poppers. This means war.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh don't get me wrong. I'll eat the hell out of some jalapeno poppers. I'm just laughing at the "arbiters of class" having tacky-ass margarita glasses that look like they came from Kirklands. A decade and change ago.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

Our margarita glasses are pint glasses because we mean business when we're drinking margaritas!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Spoken like a true Texan and lady. THAT IS WHAT WE USE, TOO. I loathe margarita glasses, honestly.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Word on margarita glasses taking up valuable real estate in the hutch. Remember when you helped me pack up my china/crystal/booz-nozzles? We used a whole Dallas Morning News on the magaritas alone.

Hey! *I'm* from Oklahoma! No, wait, that was funny.

And now I want jalapeno poppers. Why is your snark so delicious???

[christina morrison (from livejournal.com)]

Is it wrong that I drink most alcoholic beverages from coffee mugs? Wine, bloody mary, mixed drinks. Only my sweet guiness gets a special glass.