Karma Laundrette

ETA That The Bachelor is back on HDJM for all your douchetestant needs. :D

First, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was OUTSTANDING last night. For me to laugh at. Wow, the hubris is just baffling to me and also really funny. Here's my recap, and there's an excerpt right here for you to test drive: ( These people be cray. ) I have a ridiculous amount of fun writing these, and the Legolas/Yolanda jokes will never get old for me.

Second, Teen Wold has taken over my brain. I'm not complaining. Liz's recaps continue, for those not hip to the fact.

Third, Bomb Girls, a Canadian show, has started back up along with the recaps and we're pretty much the only place you can talk about the show, we've found. Laura M's recaps are right here.

Fourth, I appear to have written a Teen Wolf fic, for those inclined to read such things. It's posted here.

Fifth, I am downing TW/Sterek fic like there's no tomorrow and bookmarking fics I like. You can find those here, if you're curious. (More to come later.) Also, I'm finding that everything Helenish and Devildoll write up on Tumblr hits me right in my faves.

Sixth, I'm about to have a business meeting for the gardening show, which makes me happy, but before I sign off for the afternoon, I wanted to say thank you so, so much for all of the sweet messages and little bits of encouragement you've sent to me over the weeks. I really and truly appreciate them. <3

Look, yeah, I'm double posting today but who else is posting? *knowing nod* Exactly.

Hoarders, the recap! This is the one Dorothy told me that she almost walked out on (read: horrible couple)
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills! I worked in some Untouchables AND Boyz in tha Hood and got to use the word "taint" in a reasonable way. I call that a win.
That should also serve as your reminder that I am the owner of a potty mouth.
Liz continues to recap Teen Wolf, and every time she posts, a werewolf cuddles a Stiles. Every time you Like or share a link, a Stiles gets his wish. :D

Imma eat a brownie.

It is to laugh. Well, to have bills paid, some free chocolate/treat of your choosing appear, ease of living forever BUT WHAT I HAVE TO SHARE IS A LAUGH. Don't be so greedy, gosh.

Real housewives of -- WHY ARE YOU SCROLLING? STOP THAT. Just give me a minute. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is back, and the ridiculous opulence and faux manners is so fun to watch. Especially when it's ruined by some drunk social climber busting into a conversation to ask someone if they've "stopped f*cking that janitor guy yet?" (Not actual words, but it's so much more fun to read my interpretation, right?)

THE RECAP.

Excerpt:

Later at Taylor’s house, she has her housekeeper water down the margaritas. You know, because she doesn’t want people “getting drunk.” Girlfriend, we know you’re having money problems. I know you hid that bottle of Jose Cuervo so they wouldn’t know that you had the housekeeper strain it through a dishtowel to take some of the nasty away. Hey, at least you didn’t buy one of those dreadful frozen margarita buckets, right?

[Guests] arrive to be told that the menu is Spanish. Or Mexican? Taylor doesn’t know, she’s from Oklahoma and everything there looks the same and her housekeeper made it but she’s from like, Guatemala (shh!) but that’s kinda Mexican, right? Taylor hands over the biggest, stupidest margarita glasses I have ever seen, and I am from Texas. We know big and stupid.

Now, I hate margarita glasses. One, they’re huge and take up valuable real estate in your cabinet. Two, they tump over (that’s the language of my people, tip + dump = tump) and make a mess, and three, what is this, 1987? Are you going to make me some mozzarella sticks and jalapeño poppers, too? Just pour me a margarita in a 16 oz glass and let me hate myself in the morning, like God intended.

(With apologies to my dear Okies - I just like to rib Taylor.) Thank you for all of the HDJM support! The girls and I appreciate every single comment, like, and share!

First, please proceed to the recap of your choosing (or select all:)

Supernatural
Vampire Diaries
Merlin
Hoarders No big, just got a message from Matt Paxton saying: "great analysis. loved the pet analysis. you are so dead on. thanks for writing an accurate and compassionate review." Just a message from my bud [glee!!]
RHoBH (also on its way by 3pm CST, both last week and this week)

And! I am actively seeking someone who can put on an Editor hat and double check/correct posts. You're looking at a time commitment of maybe an hour and change a few times a week - Tuesday, Wed. and Saturday being the big days. There will be love and kittens in it for you. And then one day, money. ONE DAY. <--determined face. Email me at heydontjudgeme[at]gmail.com with EDITOR in subject heading if interested. <3 FILLED! I love you guys, thanks for the response. :)

Second, please note that not only does Glee come back from mini-hiatus tonight (with recaps on HDJM later this evening) but SOUTHLAND DOES, TOO. With recaps on HDJM tomorrow. And can I say that while I enjoy what I do, I would really like to get my hands on screeners so I can slow down my break-neck pace of writing, because I have to churn out 5 shows in 72 hours and that is just a lot. I relaxed so damn much on my vacation, it was ridiculous. (Yes, this is what one does, I know. But I'm ALWAYS DOING SOMETHING.) Plus I was shamefully late to everything, and I hate being late. Even if it was just 5 minutes. People's time is important to me, zomg.

Third, please click on the cut and take my EXTREMELY IMPORTANT SCIENTIFICAL POLLAMATRON. Someone's very life could depend on it. ( Wank in three....two...one... ) Aaaaaaaaand back to the grindstone.

Some of my best work is done in those gee dee Real Housewives recaps. You should stop missing out on my hilariousness. (I totally tried typing that with a straight face, and couldn't do it. HA. I laugh at myself! Even though I still think it. I still think it.)

Recap is up!

Excerpt:

Russell says with a straight face (but then, he’s had some work done) that Camille said things that are “blatantly false.” He tells Taylor to rise above it. They swing by Kyle’s house to pick her and Mauricio up. Kyle, I love her. I didn’t, then I did. But that DRESS. Oh, the lime green gown with the horrid bodice of bagginess… It makes her breasts look like Strega Nona in evening wear.

COME ON.

And now I go to get a tetanus shot. If you get an email or comment that is nothing but the letter J, it's because my arm is dead and I need help.

By which I mean that he said he loves Hey, Don't Judge Me. Same thing, okay!?

Also, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap is up! They had a seance, which is hilarious to me, I can't help it.

Excerpt:

The Seance!
Kyle calls Brandi, making sure she knows she’s invited. Oh, that’s nice, Kyle, you’ve learned. While she’s getting ready, Taylor stops by to cry about Lisa being intimidating and direct, and Taylor hates that and Lisa is telling everyone in school that she got her period all over her pants in Science class and she doesn’t have any friends, and her dad is a junkman and no one invite her to the slumber party, omg.

So damn childish. But then, the whole night is basically a grown up version of “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board.” Kyle tells her to buck up, little camper, and stand up for herself. Also, she has an entire night to prepare for, so…. Bye!

Taylor tells the camera that she’s worried about tonight, because they might make the ghosts mad. I JUST DON’T EVEN KNOW, YOU GUYS.

kay-o, I'm logging out to write dirty Klaine porn for flaming_muse.

HOARDERS RECAP is up, and a warning: one case is an animal hoarder. It's clear as to where his story ends and the very heartwarming story of Vivian begins, if you'd prefer scrolling past (and I don't blame you. I was in tears more than once last night, wishing I could skip the animal-centric episodes.)

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills will be up after lunch - we finally have the opulent party of craziness!

GLEE COMES BACK TONIGHT. Do not talk about ANY SPOILERS, no matter if you think I should already know. I HATE that I've been spoiled for some things, and just don't want any speculation, please. Having said that, if you're desperate for some fic, I have two for you, and both are NC-17 for those opposed to that (lol):

One is by anonymous in the Glee Kink Meme, a 50s-style AU Klaine. Hot like burning. I wish it wasn't in short bursts, because I could read this fleshed out more and as a long fic and be a happy person. She's planning on a sequel.

And this AU fic is pretty good, too, but I tend to like everything she writes. Bad boy Kurt, dweeby Blaine, lots of smex. She's entertaining, for sure. (Although I struggle with her Brittany. I feel that way about most people's Brittany's, though, so YMMV. Also, it's like one scene, the rest is pretty great.)

Okay, I have to get my plyo in and then whip up the RHoBH recap. (Halloween was fairly uneventful, mostly because we had our fun Saturday. But the kids had a good time with random outfits and friends. And I am staring at a pile of Almond Joys and trying to stay strong.)

Whoops. I meant to have a business meeting, and it turned into a bottle of wine and talking late into the night (on a school night, no less! Tres scandale!) so I am duh-rag-ging today.

Please tell me y'all are watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Holy crap, that show is outstandingly awesome. The recap for last night is up, and here's a taste:

Taylor was going to have a “game night” with the gals, but she's just so stressed and her Life Voice Coach feels that she needs to focus on being centered with the Now, and games would symbolize Untruthfulness to her Inner Be and Peace Center.

So she foists the job onto Dana, who is more than happy to take it on, because she's, like, a professional party planner? Even though she's super busy right now, she'll totally do this and make it awesome. She's like, gonna make people play dominoes with actual bars of platinum filled with real ebony, and they'll be something like a trillion million dollars each, so... [hair flip]

I. Love. It.

Also up, Vampire Diaries (our recapper was called away on business, and until everyone starts buying swag and advertisers start showering us with money, Actual Paying Jobs come first, mores the pity) and Boardwalk Empire, which I failed to mention last night, because see: bottle of wine.

And just a personal request from me, if you do read the girls' posts, hit the +1 or Like buttons (or tumblr, leave a comment, etc) because I can see that they get a lot of readers, but when they don't get comments or feedback, well, you know how that feels. They put in a LOT of work, a lot of hours, all with the hope of talking shop with fellow fans. Hearing "good job!" from me is like when your mom tells you you're beautiful, you know? It's nice, but... :)

ION, my friend (who I visited with last night) is an amazing artist and is going to make a cast of my head this week and hand craft a foam hair piece to my Blink Angel costume so it will look better than the wig I fashioned a few years ago. I LOVE HALLOWEEN, OH MY GOODNESS.

Seriously, how are you all not watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? it is OUTSTANDING. Creepy orange-painted Truman Capote-wanna bes at parties, Drunkface Ramblemouth, Lady Sitters... It's everything I could have dreamed of. RHoBH recap is here.

Also, Boardwalk Empire went up last night and Ringer goes up later today, and Ep 3 airs tonight, so that will be up tomorrow. Recaps are a great way to catch up to the current episode!

The Glee Episode that will Rock The Fandom is tonight, there are spoilers everywhere, and I am NOT INTERESTED in spoilers. I'm avoiding Twitter, various comms, and Tumblr like the plague because newer fans take the Honey Badger approach to spoiler warnings: they don't give a shit. Ii like going in FRESH, I don't want to know. More power to those of you who love spoilers, but keep them away from me, please.

Note, I'm going to add "Invisio Text" to HDJM for things like SPN, Glee, etc. where people might want to talk about spoilers with others, but not ruin the experience for others. I'm not cool with people getting spoiled there, so you know. But I want discussions, so that seems like a good compromise. Y/N?

OH, POLL UNDER THE CUT re: ebook formats.

( Poll: Which format do you use? )

I made a terrible mistake this weekend. The weather channel app on my phone indicated a massive shift in our weather here in North Texas, so we cancelled our Labor Day party and moved everything up to Saturday before rain and freezing temps moved in. (It was going to be, like, 78! Considering that would be a 30 degree drop, that's freaking cold.) We had a great time with our friends and fam on Saturday, and then Sunday I woke up with plans for warm stews and wine and movies while it poured cold rain outside.

Except it was hot and sunny. I looked at my phone, it clearly said that bad weather should be here! ....and then I saw that someone changed my phone's location to Atlanta, GA. CRY CRY CRY I want cooler weather! Well, I kinda have it today (it's only in the upper 80s!) but oh, how bleak was my puberty Sunday and Monday. Stupid sunshine. So I pulled weeds so I could be productive. THAT WAS NOT ON THE LIST, DAMNIT.

If you're not ready to be fully at work right now, and you need some distractions, boy, do I have them for you. Breaking Bad, True Blood (including last week's missed ep as well), Glee (there will be four - five a week until the season starts on the 20th so we'll be all caught up) and finally, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Ooooooh, this season is going to be amazing tv. AMAZING TV. Crazy meth bitches with money? YES. My hope is that Alison duBois will come back and be her creepy, horrid self, too.

[ETA] I should mention that I'm clearly needing to work through some Karofsky sexy fic in those recaps. Ahem. Also, the cocktail for today is a take on the liver-destroying ZOMBIE. Mmmmmmmm, drunken braaaaaaaains.

If you're looking for a bit of fanfic to read, flaming_muse has a new Kurt/Blaine (Kurt POV) fic speculating on S3 [NO SPOILERS] that is excellent and deals with how people view different types of "homosexuality." It's very good, and at 30,000 is a nice, toothy read, too. And it's all posted, too! No waiting, that's the best kind of story. <3

SHORT WEEK, thank goodness.