Dear Fanfic Writers with a GROSS MISUNDERSTANDING of the term EXPLICIT

[stoney321]

There better be some detailed sexing in your gee dee fic if you are rating it EXPLICIT. Here, let me help. Explicit: fully and clearly expressed or demonstrated; leaving nothing merely implied; unequivocal

See, the reason why I am reading fanfic marked NC-17/E (for EXPLICIT) is because I want to read the bonings, okay? I want to read all the naughty prep, the during, and the messy afters. I DO NOT WANT TO READ THE EQUIVALENT TO A "CAMERA PANS TO ROARING FIRE." That is what fanfic is FOR: to freakin' turn the cameras back towards the BONINGS.

(I will not be judged by you, random skimmer of flists! And every time I read about clothed dry humping that is maybe one paragraph long and I've already read a good 60K of your 70K fic THAT WAS RATED EXPLICIT, a kitten is straight up murdered by a clown. Did you know that was the consequence of mislabeling your fics?!

Because I hate dressing up like a clown just to murder a kitten, but I am bound by law, and you should be too.)

JFC, and the M rating for a crotch lined up with another where they can feel the outline of some dudes dick in his pants. I GREW UP MORMON AND EVEN I KNOW THAT AIN'T PORN. That was a sin, not porn. LEVI-LOVINGS <<<<< GROWN UP SEXINGS.

Come on, Sterek Tag on AO3. Get your shit together. If only to save the life of a kitten and my pores from the greasepaint. IF ONLY FOR THAT.

Signed,
Writer who is avoiding writing her own damn story. [grumpycat.gif]

Comments

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

Do you leave anonymous rants like this on the fic that has so disappointed you with its pointless non-porniness? That lying writer really needs to pay with more than an innocent kitten's life.

[amyryd.livejournal.com]

Oh my god... I think I might need to have "Fanfiction is for turning the cameras back to the bonings" embroidered on a pillow. Lol for all of eternity.

Now please excuse me while I resume my search for explicit fic (side note - part 4 of Flaming Muse's recent fic was wonderfully explicit!! Thanks for whatever influence you had over that!!)

[dancetomato.livejournal.com]

You yada yaya'd over the best part.

No, I mentioned the bisque.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA - for the record, I NEVER comment anonymously (unless it's to a random person on a love meme that has no love. :( The mom in me can't deal with it) and I cannot leave negative feedback. I hate when people bitch at me about my stories in comments, so.

I just like to rant to no one (and to everyone) in a passive-aggressive way that might encourage people to STOP BEING JACKHOLES. lol.

LYING WRITER!! *grrs and shakes fists*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

THAT IS WHAT FANFICTION IS FOR!!!!! Yeesh. It's to fill in the blanks (hurr /12 year old boy) of what we don't see on screen, or what is hinted at very strongly on screen.

Isn't that fic DELICIOUS?! I got to beta read it, which is about the best job ever. I even get to poke her and tell her to write me MORE sexings. Heee. (Psst: the final bit went up just now!)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I feel like I must have had a mini-stroke because I know these are words in English, but I can't understand them! D:

[dancetomato.livejournal.com]

It's a Seinfeld quote. Elaine is talking about a date.

"Listen to this. Marcy comes over and she tells me that her ex-boyfriend was over late last night and 'yada yada yada I'm really tired today.' You don't think she'd yada yada sex?"
"I've yada yada'd sex."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again."
"But you yada yada'd over the best part."
"No, I mentioned the bisque."
- George, Elaine, and Jerry, in "The Yada Yada"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Someday I am going to write a sex scene in which I very explicitly detail every crackle and pop of the fire and ignore the couple on the rug next to it. JUST FOR YOU.

:D

AND WRITE YOUR FIC, LADY. WRITE IT SO THAT YOU CAN GET TO THE PART WHERE YOU DON'T PAN AWAY FROM THE BONINGS.

[http://users.livejournal.com/shing_/]

I feel like I need to high five you for the yada yada quote.

So, *high five*

[ryokomusouka.livejournal.com]

But....where does it cross the line from being explicit into being just gratuitous and gross?

Let me back up. I'm writing my own fanfic and I consider it "explicit". I don't get too much into juices and stuff. I suppose a lot of it IS implied, but really, there are only so many ways you can describe The Act without getting stupid with goofy synonyms and such...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I FEEL LIKE A FOOL.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA don't you dare!!

Man, it was a GREAT story with awesome character development and juicy feelings and the...YOU PAN, WRITER?! But sex-connection is the BEST PART! *sobs*

I WANT TO WRITE BUT I KEEP GETTING DISTRACTED. harumph. *sourfaces*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

If you don't use a word to describe the body parts, if you don't even DESCRIBE WHAT THEY'RE DOING, then that's not explicit.

I don't need juicy and stuff like that, but hey, some people like that stuff. But I need more than staring at someone's mouth, and then saying "Come here" as they shut the door. AND THAT'S IT.

Rate that story accordingly.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Seriously, sex-connection is AWESOME. I hate when people skimp on that. Hmph. You can tell a great story through sex. You can learn a lot about characters that way in the hands of a good writer.

IF YOU ARE DISTRACTED BY READING FIC, MAY I SUGGEST YOU CLOSE THE FIC WINDOW?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

And it was a really good story, too! AND IT FELT SHORT. She needed to write all the words, FM. :(

BUT IT IS NEAR MISSES, THE SEQUEL (Nearer! More Misses!) AND I GUESS YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE HAPPY. *grumps*

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

There seriously needs to be a "write all the words" magic wand we could wave over fic. :)

I WANT YOU TO BE WRITING YOUR OWN WORDS FOR ME. BECAUSE I AM GREEDY.

[lynnenne]

AHAHAHAHAHA. This is the funniest thing I have read all week. Bring on the bonings!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I MEAN I HAVE HAD A WEEK, YOU KNOW? a MONTH OF SUNDAYS, IF YOU WILL (and you will.)

WHERE ARE MY SEXY SHENANIGANS TO TAKE ME AWAY? *sobs bitterly*

[shadowvalkyrie.livejournal.com]

<3

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

<3 same to you and more of it. ;)

[heresluck]

Preach it, girlfriend. I read some of the stories labeled E at the AO3, and... I mean, it is sometimes clear in various ways that the writers are quite young, but I can't help thinking "If that is your idea of explicit, actual real-life sex is going to be really confusing for you."

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

I never leave negative feedback either. After all, I want the writers to keep writing :D

Your ranting will never stop me from being a JACKHOLE!!!

Go find a fic that fulfills your boning needs!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'm having difficulty finding my +1 button on my keyboard because YES. THAT. This. Up thar.

And oh, bless their hearts when they actually see that when they shut the door with the fireplace blazing that it gets REALLY SWEATY AND AWKWARD IN PLACES.

[kouredios.livejournal.com]

Yup. This. Co-signed.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Wait.


Wait.


You mean to tell me that there is fanfic THAT DOES NOT CONTAIN ANY SMUT??!

WHAT IS THE EVER LOVING POINT OF THAT SHIT???