So You're Finally Taking Your Teen To Therapy: Protips!

[stoney321]

First off, good for you. Therapy is awesome. Everyone should have access! Let's get to some helpful tips.

When filling out paperwork in a small 10 x 10 waiting room, you should NOT ask the personal questions from the three page questionnaire out loud and wait for your teenage son to give you a yes or no answer. I get it, you think teens are idiots. Sure, they can be. They take risks, yadda. Guess what they also are? Capable of answering personal questions for themselves. Questions like: have you had issues wetting yourself. Have you been physically assaulted? Do you feel safe in your home?

You should not be asking those out loud and then demand answers. I think you're trying to give off the impression that you're a good, attentive mother? You're not. At all. If your child is a teenager, they are PERFECTLY CAPABLE of answering those themselves. Privately. They deserve the freaking privacy, FFS.

When waiting for your appointment, you shouldn't talk at the top of your lungs. Especially not when it's about why YOU believe your son "needs this," and especially when you say it in a derisive tone, because you think therapy is for bad kids. AND ESPECIALLY WHEN MY CHILD IS RIGHT THERE, TOO. Blame is a bad thing. Well, you'll find out soon enough.

When the therapist asks your child to come in first, that's because of safety reasons. And you need to STFU and not barge in demanding to be "a part of the process." I just... respect their authority. Period.

When the therapist kindly and sternly locks you out of the room, the people remaining in the room [me] are not your allies. I like our therapist. She's awesome. Her partner is also awesome. They're helpful. Berating them to me isn't winning you any points.

When waiting in a therapists office for teenagers (many of whom have eating disorders, shame issues, etc.) REFRAIN FROM FAT SHAMING PEOPLE in the waiting room magazines. Honestly, you shouldn't do that ever. Because fuck you, that's why. And when I tell you in no uncertain terms that fat shaming Kim Kardashian who happens to be pregnant is wrong, your shocked response isn't getting through to me. At all.

[And you made me defend Kim freaking Kardashian. I-- Gah.]

Basically I think I have a good reason why your shell-shocked kid was there. And I am not even sorry that I smiled when the therapist told you with a grim face to come inside and just listen. That might be a first for you.

In conclusion, you're a terrible human being and your husband was an ass for getting onto your 6 year old who was bored with nothing to do in the waiting room. JFC. Bring a damn book and look at the pages next time.

Comments

[cindergal.livejournal.com]

Those poor kids. Gah.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

It was all I could do to not roll up a mack truck magazine and crush her body bop her on the head.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

I love you for defending Kim Kardashian in those circumstances.

And even more for trying to make this experience better for your kid. It's a pity you can't also make it a better experience for her kid, too.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I mean, I'm no Kim Kardashian fan. But the woman doesn't need to be mocked for her curvaceous body, FFS. ESPECIALLY when she's pregnant.

(There's a part of me that wants to steal all the babies. And then I remember I have enough. Ha.)

[bdbdb.livejournal.com]

This is one of the very many reasons I think you're awesome.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Aww, I think you are too, Miss J. <3

[bdbdb.livejournal.com]

<3

[maplelump.livejournal.com]

I hate it when parents do that. I'll admit, that when I had my pre-op appointment, I handed my mom the paperwork because she has been basically my case manager for 8 years, and knows my medicine better than I do.

Plus, I wanted to read my novel.

What is okay: her asking me in a deadpan tone: "what do you do to manage pain?" Me (pretending to be contemplative): "ice, curl up into fetal position and full on denial of the pain's existence."
Her: *writes down exactly what I just said with a wry smile on her face*

What is not okay: everything you described.

Question: in your neck of the woods, are they doing the paperless thing for patients? After my operation 2.5 weeks ago, every time the nurse came in, she had this cool bar scanner thingy, scanned my wristband and it brought up all my records on the monitor in my room. Saved her a lot of pain from carrying so much stuff.

IDK, I thought it was cool. /random

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

No no no, you handing paperwork over because she knows your medical history is not a thing to feel bad about AT ALL. You two were obviously okay with that, you know? <3 This was...bossy and controlling and shaming and UGH.

And your relationship with your mom sounds awesome and hilarious. THUMBS UP FROM ME.

Every doctor I have (and my kids, too) are paperless. This therapist's office just happens to still be outdated in that department. Don't you love that new technology?! I'm a HUGE fan.

[maplelump.livejournal.com]

What's funny to me about the technology, is I've been a patient at UCSF since 07, and I've seen the progression. And watching the transition is really funny, because it's supposed to make their lives easier, but the process of switching was making their lives more difficult. And they had to use MORE paper to switch to paperless.

Which confused both me and my doctors.

But now that the new system is in place, I LOVE it. Things are sent instantly, it rarely gets lost in translation. Plus they could send all the info to my GP without jumping through all that red tape. Like, at my post-op appt, he went, hold on let me get your file, and pulled up everything on the computer in less than five seconds.

/random babble.

Yeah, my mom is basically my best friend, and I don't feel embarrassed saying that as a 25 year old. It's been her and I against the world since I was 13, so yeah. /over share

[agent-squeaks.livejournal.com]

You are an awesome mother.

That other one? Not so much.

[be my mother too? :p]

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Eh, I'm all right. But I'm better than that hoss, that's for sure. UGH. Just awful and uncomfortable all around. =/

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Sigh. This reminds me SO MUCH why I do not miss working in family mental health. To sum up my five years of experience:

WHY IS MY KID SUCH A BRAT??

IDK, maybe because YOU ARE AN ABUSIVE ALCOHOLIC ASSHOLE??

Gah.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

These struck me as the "we go to church and follow all the rules and will BREAK YOUR NECK if you don't do the same [smile]" types.

NO ME GUSTA.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

I won't mention how a good bunch of those types turned out to be child molesters. Oh wait. I just mentioned it.

[entrenous88.livejournal.com]

Cripes. That family. D:

*crosses fingers and toes those kids get good allies in addition to their awesome therapist to help them through this bullshit*

[bintblue.livejournal.com]

Ugh ugh ugh. Poor kid(s).

Thanks for standing up to the body shaming. I hope the therapy helps the teen.

[eac.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I've always thought the thing to do in therapist waiting rooms is smile politely and say nothing beyond "excuse me" when you need to lean near someone to get a magazine to hide behind. Is it me?

[eac.livejournal.com]

Also, belatedly, I love you for knocking this woman down on the fat shaming, and for your righteous indignation on behalf of this poor kid.

[lissysadmin.livejournal.com]

<3

[jerusha]

I have my masters in counseling. I worked with some adolescents. Generally speaking, I found their parents much harder to deal with. (Obviously, this does not apply to you, but I'm just saying that I feel your pain. Also, yay for awesome therapists!)

[tinkerbell86ca.livejournal.com]

Just . . . GO YOU! Thank you for being a wonderful mommy to your glorious children!

*thumbs up*

[lynnenne]

This has nothing to do with you, Simpson. I have many, many issues with my beloved smother.

Some people should not be allowed to breed.

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

I hope that therapist kicked her ass.

Not that I'm sure she as the self-awareness to get it.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

I love you!

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

[And you made me defend Kim freaking Kardashian. I-- Gah.]

OMG. (Ducks - if you defended Kim, the world might be going to end any minute.)

But seriously, you are full of awesome.

[mwhatktdidnext.livejournal.com]

I have a pretty good reason why her child was there too. Sigh. I snuck around behind my mother's back to have therapy as a teen, because she would've behaved EXACTLY like this. She would've been that mother who thinks that there's shame in therapy, I was just attention seeking and it was also just a sign that I was trying to prove she was a bad mother. Because it was all about her own embarrassment. So she would've just been nervous and uncomfortable when there, have no sensitivity towards me or anyone else, and assume that all other parents felt the same as her.

I would guess that they - or maybe just she - are only taking her child to therapy due to pressure from the GP or friends. It certainly didn't sound like she thought it was necessary, and bringing the whole family including younger children is just a baaaadd idea.

Good on you for calling her out! (I'd be mortified if I had to defend a Kardashian too, but in this case I would've done the same. Dammit!)

[podle.livejournal.com]

Good on you. You may have already realized this, but the other cool thing you did in that situation was to let that teenager know that not all adults and not all parents are insensitive jerkwads. Trust me - that can be important news to get.

[kuzu-no-ha.livejournal.com]

LOOK AT ME BEING A GOOD MOTHER!

LOOK

AT


MEEEEEEEE


That's just terrible. I desperately hope they all get the help they need and she doesn't just pull him out because she called out on her bullshit.
Good on ya for saying something about fat shamming. I have no love for that woman either, but that was some fucked up shit.

[evamagick.livejournal.com]

JESUS EFFING CHRIST. These people are why therapy was invented. Those poor kids. :(

[singinglark.livejournal.com]

At least the therapist now knows WHY the kid has issues. The mother's behavior was just nasty.

At least you called her out on the fat-shaming. And you weren't defending Kim Kardashian as such, you were defending ALL WOMEN who aren't a size 0, and who put on weight when pregnant (because hey, they have another PERSON inside their body). Even Kim Kardashian doesn't deserve fat-shaming. (She has so many OTHER reasons to be ashamed!)

Sorry about the all-capsy shouting, but I'm not in the mood to do html coding. (Yes, I know I am lazy. And overly fond of parentheses.)

[fiveandfour.livejournal.com]

I wonder why people like that even want to have kids. Or maybe they don't and that's the root of the problem. (Though I've seen an unfortunate number of people who honestly wanted kids and actually think they are decent parents when, really, they are the kind of caretakers the average person wouldn't trust to watch their dog over a week-end.)

My family recently changed health clinics and we got my daughter connected up to the doctor who specializes in teens and young adults. I was impressed with how the doctor made it my daughter's choice whether or not I stayed in the room. I certainly didn't have that choice when I was her age and even for general health checkups it was freaking MORTIFYING having my mom there.

I'm glad that the healthcare world is making strides in giving children the opportunity to have a voice and some agency in their own care. This has lead to some amusing incidents for a couple of friends with accident-prone kids during emergency room visits, but all in all they were HAPPY that there is a focus on making sure kids are safe and have a chance to speak for themselves.

[dabhug.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[bitchygrrl.livejournal.com]

She need to be SNATCHED, en of. Seriously? What the hell, man? I hope they can you tech someone that age compassion,decency, and plain common sense?
PS Kudos to you for defending a Kardashian, and not just slapping that witch.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

That makes me wince in pain thinking what a miserable life her kid has.

I think you showed marvelous restraint in only smiling at the "just listen" from the therapist. I'm sure you felt like standing up and giving a cheer.

[kseenaa.livejournal.com]

Geezes... People like that exist? POOR KIDS!