Feh. And Wheeee!

[stoney321]

First off, happiest of brithdays to _beetle_ and grifyn! I'll drink a toast to you later.


I just got back from the grocery store (after walking 4 miles in the hot sun, then hitting the nursery for some plants - I am an old woman) so I'm not looking my best. Normally, I don't give a shit. It's freaking errands, right? So I'm loading up the conveyor belt with my MASSIVE load o'groceries (my kids eat 200 bucks worth of food a WEEK. I am not joking) and there is a woman behind me in her mid-driff, hot-pink bedazzled workout (??) tank, tight yoga pants, and $250 Donna Karan yoga shoes. She has a case of bottled water, soy chips, and a STACK of mags, like Star, US Weekly, InTouch, etc. She is giving me serious attitude because I pull out my coupons (dude, without coupons, that bill becomes $273 a week) I see she's giving me the once over. I'm smelly, I have my Ralph Wiggam T-shirt on (That's Unpossible!), my hair is crazed and frizzy, and I have hairy legs.

I look more closely at her and see she has injected so much collagen in her lips, it looks like she has a mustache. She has a painted-on tan, and you can tell she is MUCH older than her plastic surgery (HUGE boobs, of course) lets on by the baggy skin on her elbows, and under her arm pits. You know what I'm talking about. And she's ENGROSSED in Star. Not laughing, or smirking like most people do. Like it's her fucking Oxford Literary Reference, or something. "Oh, my god! Will Nick and Jessica break up?" *single, perfect tear, if her face wasn't botoxed to hell*

She's being pushy about loading her stuff on the converyor belt, (I'm trying not to crack my head on her cart as I grab my four gallons of milk) so naturally I take my time. Fuck you. I'm gearing up for a cat fight in my head: "how sad that you aren't enough of a woman to grow your own boobs." "How fulfilling your life of soy chips and tabloids must be. Bet you wish all of the stupid, fat suburban moms would be rid of so you could reach enlightenment in your yoga class you must be pissed off to be late for."

She leaves not too long after me and I see her get into her black Mercedes convertible. She has a smug look on her face, like she knows I'm seeing the "unattainable." I made sure she saw me laugh and mouth "nice sugar daddy." Bitch, I drive an Acura and OWN my things. Didn't get a man to do it for me, either. Put HIM through school. I'm petty. I know it. And I really don't care if someone wants plastic surgery, or to have a sugar daddy, or whatever. It was the smug attitude like I was a piece of shit on her ridiculously priced shoes that set me off.

I feel REALLY good about me. That I don't have to pay money to make doctors fix me into some weird fucking dude's vision of a "perfect woman." That I don't paint a goddamn orange/brown paste on me to "look" healthy. That I don't have toxic bags of goo in my chest so people will notice me. (Man, hers were so disproportionate to her body - she had to duck walk to keep from falling forward.) That I can read something better than USWeekly to get my "news." (Now, I love gossip, you know that, but you know what I'm talking about.) I think it's very sad to have nothing in your life but to focus on keeping yourself looking frozen in time to validate your existence.

BLEH!! I am a strong, natural woman. Hee hee!! Let's just say that if Stoney gets some attitude up in her grill... Uh uh. It's ON. Hee!! I'm pretending I'm tough!

On a completely different note, sunny, 82, got my veggies into the garden, got my rose cuttings hormoned and greenhoused, washed everything dirty in my house. I need no fake tits! I need an agenda and a checklist to be fulfilled! (...today) Now if I can get those kids to bed early, I'm pornin' up in here! Whee!

Comments

[greenstone-j.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tightly* Thank you, I've been having THE appearance argument with my friends, I was starting to think I was being abnormal for not wanting to be thin and pretty rather than my normal weird, p0rn obsessed but brainy self...*giggles* or something like that

Oh, and GIP. Ha ha ha!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

A large portion of the population here in Dallas, Texas is just like that woman. Little Barbies made for men to play with. WTF? Funny thing is, when those bitches are in the bathroom for the fifteenth time adjusting their lipstick/Botox/micro mini, their boyfriends/husbands/"uncles" are hitting on me.

Because I look like a WOMAN. Feh. Be proud of them hips. Nothing wrong with wanting to be thin and pretty, but when that is ALL you want out of life? Bleh. Gimmie a garden, a good book, and great friends. Oh, and porn. Hee hee!

[zinnydark.livejournal.com]

God, I HATE women like that!

And love women like you! And you didn't even punch her in the face! (not that she would be able to feel it, or anything.)

~does the 'Go Stoney!' dance~

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I know!!! So shallow. I don't punch, I go for the psychological damage. "Oooh! Looks like your implant sprung a leak! Gosh."

Her Botoxed face would try to register shock, but be unable. Sad!!!

*dances with you, giggles at your icon*

[julissak01.livejournal.com]

Arhh. You should have so bitch slapped her. I hate condescending (botox injected, surgery worshiping) women who think they're better than everybody else just because they can grow boobs(enlarge them, if you will)out of thin air. And that Holier-Than-Thou attitude. ::kicks::

::high fives you::

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HATE the looking down on me thing. HATE. IT. Now, if that was Maya Angelou, or Melissa Etheridge... But the thing is this: the women that COULD look down on me (with effect) WOULDn't look down on me.

Love women. Hate bimbos.

*slaps that hand, comes around for a slap on that ass*

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

I wish I lived in Texas so I could meet people like that!

(just testing the irony icon. unironically: you are so funny, and it is so wet and gross here. i guess i DO wish I lived in Texas).

I see your irony and raise you a sarcasm

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Not a cloud in the sky. Cooler with rain tomorrow, but I am getting tan already. I love getting warm skin from laying on the grass. Mmmm. Throw a stream and birdsong in there, and I'm rocky mountain high. Ha ha ha!!

Dallas has it's superficial locales, to be sure. But there are enough people I like here that make it a fine place to live. And the margaritas... The food! Home sweet home.

[marlo.livejournal.com]

Thing is, you are a sexy hot thing. SERIOUSLY, you are goddamn gorgeous. A Ralph Wiggum shirt and leg hair can do little to sully your beauty. ::smooch::

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hee!! I feel the same about you, Mar. Now, don't get me wrong. I feel GOOD about myself. I need to tone up before beach wear, but I'm not bad-looking. But this woman in her Barbie Goes Shopping Dressed Like A Ho^TM outfit looked down on me!!

And Ralph Wiggum has a wonky eye! And a finger in his nose! And the hair on my legs is blonde! Ha ha ha. I probably stunk from working out. But I'm all woman, bay bee!

i don't get the need to flash-freeze yourself to look like you're 19, when she was clearly over 40. Be happy to be 40!! I'm fine with 32. My one gray hair and all... Ha!

*smooches you, pinches your hot Vancouver bum*

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

You forgot her hair. Was it big tumbleweed o'hair like I remember from when my sister lived in Dallas? When I go to Atlanta I see women like this and it makes me so sad for them with their poor little frozen faces and spare body parts.

Where I live in the hills of Western MA, it goes the other way into a fad of "see how au natural I am", which means that if I walk down the street in lipstick and mascara, I am the most haute woman on the street.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, she had loooong platinum ironed hair. (No one here has big hair anymore. It's ironed and highlighted and filled with extensions. Think Paris Hilton. We are nothing if not current!)

Her white Spike hair set off her orange tan in a shocking manner. Yikes. Bet she has a floor length fur for the one day it's cold enough to warrant a heavy coat. But it would be REAL fur, make no mistake. Yuck.

[crayonbreakygal.livejournal.com]

She's just jealous. I would have been tempted to give her the finger and smile. I hate people like that. At forty, she'll probably look like she's eighty. Kinda scary, if you think about it.

Shit, I always get these type A women who look down on me for the stay at home thing. They always look so happy working eighty hours a week, going to the gym, with everything so fake looking. Here I am, frumpy with tennis shoes on that are so dirty and my comfy jeans. Get a life, I say.

Yeah, put the hubby through school too. "Unattainable"? Let me drive my big old honking double cab truck over her Mercedes. We'll see who's unattainable. OK, now I'm ranting. I hate it when women do that to other women. Come on. That's just tacky.

Man, my kids go through tons of food too a week. Every time I tell the person bagging my groceries not to put the four gallons of milk into the same bag, they get all huffy. If I'm buying 200 dollars worth of food, do you think I want to carry a bag with two gallons of milk into the house?

Wheee. Porn. I'm good for it. I need it after today.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Man, my kids can EAT. I long for the old days of a milk man... Lugging milk and cheese and yogurt gets OLD.

The thing is, in my neighborhood, it's the 'burbs. Women have a sort of bragging attitude about being able to stay at home. It's a new sign of being Posh enough to afford one income, you know? Which is weird.

Toots, you'd fit in with me. Got my soccer slip-on shoes, my jogging shorts and a T. Hair in a cap. Works for the day. But honey, you better believe that when I go out, I get done up right! Hee!! Feel free to rant here all you'd like.

[mskakaako.livejournal.com]

You should check, but I think I tell you that I love you every second or third post.

That woman sounds thoroughly disgusting. Good to know that I'm not the only one who mentally gears up for (cat)fights whilst loading up my groceries. Humanity annoys me. Also, is she crazy? You're STACKED!!!

Hey, I have super hairy legs AND I'm a fellow Acura driver! I also bought it sugar-daddy free! Go, us! I hear "Independent Woman" in the background. LOVE YOU!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

But she was a size 0 with some double Ds gunning from the front. SO, she's like, hot you know? With her painted on tan? And ridiculous clothes she got at Journeez? And she's over 40? Bleh.

And her sugar daddy $75K hot rod. Bleh. I left with Emily skipping on one side of me, making me smile, so her attitude is base and fugly.

Oh, girl, I have so many fake fights in my head... you HAVE to be prepared!! Hee hee!! Love you, too. Sushi! Vancouver!! It WILL happen, dammit.

(RL, paid for, by moi. Uh huh.)

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

Born and bred in Arlington, hon. I know exactly who you are talking about!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yes. You. Do. My arch-nemesis was from there. She was the one who tried to do mr. Stoney number one while we were engaged. Wait. She was trying to do me a favor!! *cries*

Hee hee! Fake boobs aplenty out here in Tejas, that's for sure. But notice it's the women not originally from here. We natives have curves, yesiree!

lol

[serenelystrange.livejournal.com]

What makes these people think that insanely botoxed/collagened/nip/tucked/sucked/whatever else actually looks good? I mean, i can understand a little bit done here or there if you feel you really want it. But these plastic shells of people actually frighten me a little bit, lol. I've got curves, and hips that'll be nice for the babies if i have them, and im proud of that, :) Its not to say that i hate naturaly/maintained thin or thinner than me women. I think every person should be happy with who they are, :) Ok, im sorry to have rambled so long, but this a subject that always gets me a going, lol. I'll go now, :)

Re: lol

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I know, right? I am not afraid to age. My body will change (did change after having three kids) and I just want to stay healthy and fit. I don't want to try and be the next Bratz doll. Ewww.

Good for you, and keep the healthy body image. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: Confidence is sexy.

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

I've got a grocery store story from last summer something like yours- saw a woman in the distance and thought "Gee, that must be so-and-so's daughter "(so-and-so being a woman I went to high school with, a cheerleader) and then as I approached and saw the fried, dyed hair and the all-over body wrinkles, I realized it WAS so-and-so, self-embalmed and looking like a zombie version of herself.

Was never so very happy to be a free-range 52 year old in my life.

I wish I was a propagation-enhanced person, as I need sufficient plants of the damask "Ispahan" to make me a hedge/attar crop. Problem is, anything that takes attention and needs done between mid-February and mid-May gets shot down by calving season. WHICH reminds me: the not-down cow has an 85 pound heifer calf. She gave birth on the highest point on the property, the old loony.

Now, a question of ethics or something: is it safe to assume that a person to whom you've written a response because, in part, they've said "I don't care what the "science" says, it's all bad" and then demands you give scientific citations for your assertions is probably not going to take those citations as worth their notice?

Julia, especially when they're asking for citations for stuff that shows up in freaking textbooks

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I thinking they are loonies, too. I'm assuming we are talking common knowledge (among the literate and info-seekers) and yet... No belief?

Well, I had folks who told me (while standing in a dinosaur foot print) that the earth was made in 6 days, and is only 6000 years old, so... There's fools and then there's idjits.

Hooray for the calf! Momma doing okay? No Texas tuekey vultures skulking up on that hillside?

I want a row of Winter Snow camelias on the north side, but cannot imagine root cuttings for 30 feet of planting space. A few roses? Some butterfly bush? Datura? Sure, you betcha. Camelias? No thanks. *saves pennies to buy mature plants in thirty years*

"Free-range." That'll keep me grinning for days.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

I noticed that beadtific mentioned already the difference between Massachusetts and Texas, which is that here if you *do* wear makeup you stand out from the crowd (except of course things are different in the big city of Boston).

My friend Deb was over with her kid a few days ago and I had to show her the bridesmaid's dress I'm going to wear at my brother's wedding this Saturday, and Deb asked me if I was going to paint my toenails since I'm wearing sandals. I haven't painted my toenails since I was in college -- maybe 20 years ago? And that reminded me that maybe I should wear makeup! I haven't bought any new makeup in, um, I don't know how many years. Sometimes I get freebies when I order more moisturizer from Avon... Anyway I went to the mall this weekend and threw myself on the mercy of the Clinique lady -- I picked her because she was younger than most of the old ladies behind the counters, and she smiled at me. I walked out of there in a daze with a bunch of stuff. I hope I don't make myself look like a clown. I still have to go buy some nail polish.

Maybe there's actually a double X chromosome buried in there somewhere, I might actually look like a girl once I put on all this fancy stuff. I wish I could have taken a picture of Nathan's face when he saw me in my bridesmaid's dress. He'd never seen his mommy in anything other than jeans or shorts before... His face lit up and he slowly walked toward me and he hugged me so carefully. Evan, on the other hand, when I asked him what he thought, looked up from his book for all of 2 seconds, said, "Looks good," then went back to reading. Deb laughed and said he'd make someone a good husband someday. I don't know, I think I'd want a little more enthusiasm. Ron still hasn't seen me in the dress -- all this modelling went on during the day while he was at work. So his opinion remains to be heard.

Don't know why I'm rambling on like this in response to your post; it just seemed like I don't normally think about the fact that I'm a female and yet don't usually wear the makeup and clothes that *can* go along with being female. But coincidentally this happened the same week as your post.

Oh, and another funny story about me, Deb, and ah, being female. I guess this happened about 3 years ago, when Evan was 4. Evan was sitting on the couch next to Deb, when he leaned over and poked her quite emphatically in the boobs, asking, "What are these?" I should explain this by telling you that I'm extremely flat-chested and Deb is *not*. It was a great opportunity to teach him about personal space, not asking personal questions, and oh yes, answering his question.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ha! It's funny: my mother is a Southern Belle/died,fried, and pushed to the side/bunch of big ol' ring wearing/ never without high heels kinda gal. Then there's my dad's family: Mormon farmers. I think he saw her bit boobs and lipstick and went nuts.

I rebelled against the girly-girl stuff, but I know how to get cute to go out. But I'm a hiker and a rock climber, and you know my proclivity for digging in the dirt...

Basically, I'm the chick you can sit outside with and hang, but can help you pick out the right outfit, too. Hee! Well rounded. Especially in the can. Ha!

(Clinique is good. They don't go for the spackle effect.)

[paynbow.livejournal.com]

"Oh, my god! Will Nick and Jessica break up?" *single, perfect tear, if her face wasn't botoxed to hell*

Bahahahahahaha!!!

Stupid woman. Like her "beauty" is real. She didn't work for it, she paid for it. To look down on others who aren't as self-conscious and respect themselves too mush to submit to the knife and an unrealistic notion of beauty.

Besides, she's a moron. You're a total hottie. *smooches*

[chantal87.livejournal.com]

The love and adoration I have for you is unmeasurable.

What a silly whore. She definitely needed a smack down.

[somecandytalkin.livejournal.com]

I'm jealous of your getting your veggies all in the garden and your Me fail English? That's unpossible! t-shirt.
You rock.:)

[vincitveritas.livejournal.com]

Oh GOD I hate those women. Why are they here?

I just found out one of my best friends got a boob job in the summer between our freshman and sophomore years of HIGH SCHOOL. Now I know why I never saw her during that break. The sad thing is, despite the surgery, she's still as flat as a board. I never would have known if she hadn't shown me the scar. Weird.