Extra spoons?

[stoney321]

I'm all out. (If you get that reference, you're old. Hey, I am, too.)

I decided that I deserve nice things recently and planned a birthday party for myself. (I typically don't do anything for my birthday because my daughter's b-day is the day before mine. She should have the attention. Plus, that's a lot of cake.) So I'm throwing one for myself a week early and have some of my dearest friends coming to help me float in the pool, eat delicious food, drink delicious wine, and talk fandom/random all weekend. (I'm kicking the family out to go camping or whatever.)

In preparation, I've spent the past week scrubbing the house from stem to stern, not to mention getting my butt out in the garden to finish some huge projects that are taking me forever to get done.

Well...the garden isn't going to be done. It's 100F (40C) all week, was close to that last week, and I give up. I was sweating so hard the other day that my kids thought I poured water all over myself. GROSS. The kids decided to tear the wallpaper off their bathroom, so I spent all yesterday finishing stripping that off with them, then prepping the plaster and painting it. (Which meant taking the toilet out, faucets, etc.) HEY, DIDN'T PLAN ON THAT TASK. But it's done? And will look nice for my guests? Gah.

It's hard for me to not have everything looking perfect. I was raised to be perfect. Not strive for perfection, but to BE perfect. Vacuum tracks in the carpet, everything spic-and-span, I'm a Master Gardener, so it better LOOK like I am and...I have kids. It ain't spic-and-span. (And these are my dear friends, they won't judge, I know that intellectually, but my mother's voice still creeps in and it's hard.)

Example: my son was talking to me last week while I was styling my hair in the bathroom, and he pulled the towel bar right out of the wall because he was leaning on it. So I had to patch those holes this weekend. Will those patches get repainted in time? ...probably not. And I am having to tell myself it's going to be okay.

I JUST FIGURED OUT THE SOLUTION: get everyone too drunk to look too closely! Okay, this can work. Ha. *blows bangs out of face*

Comments

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

NOBODY CARES THAT YOUR HOUSE IS NOT PERFECT. (Besides you. I don't mean to negate your own feelings on the matter.) And nobody wants you out doing hard work in the garden if you could instead be sitting inside or in your pool doing something relaxing. I'm pretty sure your friends love YOU and want YOU to be happy.

And you know what, my dear? You ARE perfect. I don't mean that you don't have flaws, but you are perfect in your very self, and don't make me sing Mr. Rogers songs to you until you get the picture. I know this baggage and these voices are hard to shed, but I PROMISE YOU that the veneer of your house and your life doesn't matter at ALL to the people who are coming to see you. That your carpets are immaculate doesn't matter even a little to the people who care about you.

I LOVE YOU. A LOT.

I'm sorry you're feeling all of these worries and pressures, but there shall be wine (and cake?) soon!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

MY FRIENDS DO WANT THAT, IT SEEMS. <3 <3 <3

Those parental tapes are just hard to turn off in your subconscious sometimes. (And old religious tapes, too.)

OMG, Mr. Rogers will make me ugly cry. AND WE WILL HAVE SO MUCH FUN IT WON'T MATTER. Cake!! Yes, yes, I need to make sure I put the order in for deliciousness. *grabby hands at you*

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

I know, parental tapes are difficult, especially since yours also come from your Mormon background, where you were expected by EVERYONE to be perfect all the time for the health of your SOUL. No pressure! ;) That crap runs deep, but it still doesn't mean that it's true. Try to judge yourself the same way you'd judge your friends, with kindness.

Cake!!! YOU!!!! I love you SO SO SO SO MUCH.

Would it help if I promised to grind cake and wine into the carpets asap so that they WON'T be immaculate, in which case there's no point in cleaning them beforehand? :D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I want you to know that I gasped and my eyes watered at you putting cake and wine into the carpet. I just don't know if it's because of the mess or because of the waste. (lol)

I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO