*clangs cup against metal bars*

[stoney321]

Okay, I typo'd that subject line to metal bats. Stupid unfamiliar keyboard... IT'S STUPID. The keyboard. It doesn't even know how to boil water or protect itself from rain or predators. Fucking WORM BABIES can do that much.

Sigh.

I'm helping my folks with their garage sale. *crickets* No one SHOULD be surprised that their Baptist neighborhood isn't interested in their Mormon Children's video-tapes. Or their back isses of the LDS magazines. *cough* Sweet folks, my parents... Not, um... Well, they're sweet. Oh, you can pick up some Butterick patterns for HOT jumpsuits from 1976 or mumus from 1975 for only TWO DOLLARS apiece. I suspect they'll sell like hocakes. Okay, I really hate this keyboard now. HOTTTTTTcakes. Although, hocakes are a big seller. Hos gotta eat, too.

Uh... stalker neighbors came by last night. And the husband, he of the EXTREMELY IMPORTANT JOB of Manager of Office Depot regaled me for THIRTY STRAIGHT MINUTES about how hard his job is during school supply season. Because some nit-wit only ordered ONE PALLET of 11x17 construction paper, I mean, can you BELIEVE??? And how they are the ONLY PLACE that sells orange, plastic three-ring binders and.... *snooooze* FUCK. YOU ARE NOT A BRAIN SURGEON!!! Getting an emergency shipment of Mead Composition notebooks is not the same as having Medi-Vac rush you a shipment of O neg when the bombs are coming down like hail. I drank a LOT last night. To numb the PAIN. And he also tried to convince me that "The Butterfly Effect" was a REALLY good movie, and the critics don't know what they are talking about. Um, I'm pretty sure they do. In that case, most especially.

Wow, I'm bitchy this morning! I think I'll spray my ankles with more OFF™ and try to push more Raggedy-Ann coloring books that have only been drawn in a LITTLE BIT for two dollars. A piece. *sigh* Bless their deluded, wishful hearts....

Send coffee. To the sad girl hiding behind shades where the Christians are picketing my folks house for being cultist. Because Joseph Smith coloring books = DVDA porn. Apparently. *sigh*

Comments

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

SERIOUSLY. Or capes that convert to a handy handbag. THAT IS IMPORTANT. As is the Bedazzler™. You'd have to look in the burned down factories in Jersey to find a good bedazzler these days.

QUALITY ITEMS. QUALITY.

Hee heee!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

But this is a Bedazzler from a few DECADES ago, so it doesn't really work. And the sound it makes sends flocks of birds screaming into the sky...

Hee heee!!!

And EVERYONE wants unfinished birdhouses. RIGHT??? And busted puzzles, and crafting magazines from the 80s, and ....

*cries*
*makes the coffee Irish*

[inlovewithnight.livejournal.com]

Be strong! Do not kill the stupid people!

Worm babies. Heh.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Heeee! Some woman just got in my sweet s'mom's face for thinking she was overcharged on shirts. "Did you charge me a dollar? I thought you said they were 50 cents!" GAHHHH!!! *drinks all the coffee in the world...*

[ely-jan.livejournal.com]

*sends gallons of coffee laced with all sorts of spirits of an alcoholic nature*

I remember our last family yard sale. Hell, sometimes the flashbacks...I still don't sleep.

But hocakes? You might be on to something there!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

See, the syrup is baked IN the hocake! For hos on the run... BWAH!!

*tries to find something to read... Gives up.*
Yard sale books BLOW. Hence them being sold at a yard sale. :-)

[ely-jan.livejournal.com]

*has a Paul McCartney/Wing moment and sings*

Hos on the run, Hos on the run.
And the county judge who held a grudge
Will search for evermore
For the hos on the run, hos on the run
Hos on the run hos on the run,

Hos on the run...

*shrugs* Better than the Muppet Theme Song...I think. *hums and boogies off*

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

Now I want hocakes for breakfast. ::pines::

I love everything about garage sales...as long as they're not mine. Have fun!!!!!

I will take the Raggedy Ann colouring book, though. ::scrounges for two bucks::

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'll let you take the whole table-top of Alice in Wonderland (3/4 colored), Finding Nemo (1/3 colored), Pocahantas (untouched) and the Raggedy Ann books for 2.50. CANADIAN. (Wait - is the Canadian stronger than the US dollar? Crap.)

*serves you up extra drippy hocakes*

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

In my religion (the one where going to Bowerman Basin for the spring migration of shore birds is an official pilgrimage) helping at garage sales is an act of penitance and earns special bonus points towards the nicely tailored heavy silk robes in heaven.

Picketed? Really? I myself am waiting for the day when PETA shows up when we're weaning and protests the terrible psychological harm we're imposing on the cows by taking their babies away.

Julia, people meed better hobbies

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, MAN don't get me started on PETA. BLERGH. Okay, trying to help animals that ARE being abused? I applaud that. Saying my son is as important as a rat? You're retarded. Not YOU you, of course...

And they aren't LITERALLY picketing in front of my folks house... But they have. I remember being 14 when the Dallas Mormon Temple was built and getting death threats, and when we went to the dedication, people threw things at my dad's car. Lovely. Yeah, Mormons believe weird shit, but what about that chick that turned up pregnant because she had seck with god? No? Not weird? Or the sea splitting in half so some slaves could walk through? Or the woman turning into a pillar of salt? No? Huh. Religion's weird.

I HAVE NOW ESCAPED THE GARAGE SALE. Intact. And they sold quite a bit... But the skeeters were getting to me. "Love you! Gotta flee before I catch West Nile!"

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on your escape.

The thing that gets me about PETA is that they've got a huge logical disconnect about the way they model animal cognitive system: with one breath they say all life is equal, animals feel physical and emotional pain, but on the other they totally deny that animals have feelings and perceptions that are not fear, pain, and sorrow, or that they can learn and make choices about how they react to stimuli.

They also have opinions about working animals which leave me with grave doubts about their own work ethic.

Julia, some of my best friends are cows, and they're smarter than the average member of PETA

[kaydee23.livejournal.com]

You are so funny. Stop being mean to your husband now. He's job is very important in my world. I'm a librarian, so I know what I'm talking about. Hey, I've been looking for that very Butterick pattern. It's serendipity, synchronicity, and karma all rolled into one.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHHHH!! HE IS NOT MY HUSBAND!! HE IS THE STALKER NEIGHBOR!! That goes on and on and on about how IMPORTANT his job is all year long, and NOW he's making it seem like the ENTIRE WORLD WILL COLLAPSE if he didn't "get on the horn" and get TWO EXTRA PALLETS of fucking construction paper in his store, ASAP. THAT. IS. RIDONKULOUS.

Oh, and he's gross and checks out my bewbies and is not attractive and bugs the shit out of me. *shudders* NOT. My husband.

I'll save that pattern for you, though. Hee!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, Girrrr, I'm from dey South. I know AAAALLLLL abouts hocake. Them and grits (with real cream and cheddar) are gooooood. Fun with typos...

AND SERIOUSLY. The guy drives me NUTS. He's also the guy who (over New Years) tried to explain to my husband and I how HORRIBLE it is to have sex education in schools. Basically? He's a tool. :-D I mean, EVERYONE'S job is important in some way, but he makes it seem like he's a Pediatric Cardiologist. In a third-world country. Working pro bono. Fucking manager of an Office Depot, dude. You sell legal pads and bic sticks. JEEEEZUS.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

heeee! I know. :-D

[lynnenne]

Hos gotta eat, too.

HEE! *insists that you feed me*

Sorry about the stalker neighbor. I want to kill him just reading about him. He sounds like a whiny, self-important little man. He's Snyder neighbor!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*feeds you* BWAH!

He's so irksome. And it's EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I see him. Bah. I'm thinking a nurse or teacher is more important. HE IS SNYDER!!! Ha ha ha.

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

OMG, can I have a Joseph Smith coloring book?

PLEASE???

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Now, Carrie, if you were more righteous, you could get one from your ward house. Ha ha ha!

And you could meet a nice boy, get married in the temple...

[ropo.livejournal.com]

You poor, poor girl.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Life is hard for me.





:-D

[violethamster.livejournal.com]

Damn. Why do you guys have to socialize with the obnoxious neighbors? My obnoxious neighbor and I carefully avert our eyes when passing each other in the parking lot, and this makes me happy.

And, hee! Joseph Smith coloring books. It's a funny world.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I don't MEAN to socialize with them... They knocked on the door and asked me to sew something for them, because she doesn't "do" that. And I was hopped up on allergy medicine and didn't know what I was doing! I DIDN'T KNOW!!!

J. Smith coloring books. The best page is the Joseph Smith sphinx. I wish I was making that up.

[cityphonelines.livejournal.com]

*digs into her pocket for $2*

What? I was born in '81; Butterick patterns for HOT jumpsuits from 1976 is 'vintage'.

And I happen to feel the Mead comp book as very important to the continuation of life. MY life. ;P

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

TEE HEE!! YOU WOULD, freak. GAH. This guy is good for comedy material, but sometimes? I wonder if it's worth it...

*rings up pattern on Fisher Price cash register*

[zyrya]

What is it with people who run a yardsale like it's a Sotherby's auction? They ain't Faberge eggs, folks, they just ain't!

::brings you coffee::

::rubs your feet::

My keyboard sucks, too. We could mae it with yours and raise an army of defective keyboards and give them to ... I dunno ... who do we hate most this week?

::mates you::

[zyrya]

We could mae it with yours

See? See! It's already begun!

::maes hocakes::

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

teh hocaeks are sooo grood. I mae twentey four yu.

*bites off your head after mating*
*immediately regrets it*

[ex-dovil323.livejournal.com]

I'll give you $3.50 for the used colouring in book and half a dozen ho cakes.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Make it $4 and I'll throw in the toaster cozy shaped like a turtle.

HI!!! DOVIL!! I meeees you. One month! (There abouts)

[anelith.livejournal.com]

You poor thing! Yard sales are the worst. We've had exactly one, and will never go through that again. My mother tried to warn us by telling us her own horrible experience, but would we listen? Nope. It's so much trouble, for so little gain. Thank goodness the Boy Scouts were willing to come by after the debacle and take away the leftovers, because we were certainly sick of the sight of them.

Did the stalker neighbors interfere with your plans to have a movie night? If not, what did you wind up watching, an Alien-fest, or a Terminator-fest? Sounds like fun either way. We watched our Tivo-ed episode of Battlestar Galactica. We can never stay up late enough to watch it on Friday nights, so must always catch it one day later.

I'm starting to think that you need a peephole or a camera next to the door so you'll know when to pretend that you're not at home to these neighbors. Your car goes into the garage, right? So they can't easily tell that you're home or not, I assume.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yard sales are one thing when you're in college and you're getting a tan while selling your CDs and funky shoes.

This was 20 some-odd years of collected hullaballoo. And the stalkers only shipped away an hour of our lives... They have been coming around less and less - I think they realize that we are uninterested.

And as to movies... We ended up watching Army of Darkness. Gimmie some sugar, baby. :-D (Did you get my last email? My email's wonky. It was regarding lotion. Heee!)

[anelith.livejournal.com]

No, I did not get the lotion email!

*cries*

Army of Darkness! It's been a long time since I've seen that one. I remember him in Evil Dead better, it scared the crap out of me. But I know you like the funny better, and Army is funnier.

[winterlive.livejournal.com]

The degree to which I love you knows no bounds.

Next time, just look at him and say, "Dude, y'know it's not really the end of the world without construction paper."

And if that doesn't work, you say, "Dude, is Stoney gonna hafta choke a bitch? Back the fuck up!"

Only THEN can you kill him and say it was self-defense.