My house is quiet, and I'm procrastinating
Sep. 4th, 2004 03:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321I find myself unmotivated to do the many things I should do, so instead, I will give you the Greatest Story Ever Told. Not Biblical, although it does involve man vs. nature.
When I was in college, I spent my summers working for the national parks, namely in the Teton National Park. I learned that people are idiots when taken out of their natural habitat. The place I was stationed was on top of a 8,000 foot mountain, next to a gorgeous lake, across from the Tetons, and behind us was an eagle preserve. Bald eagles. You know, our national bird that was suffering from possible extinction at the time.
You can look down on the preserve, but you can't go into it, for obvious reasons. You also aren't supposed to have pets off leashes as there are grizzly bears and black bears that move through the park. In addition to buffalo, coyotes, wolves, etc. Not smart to have a dog bounding through the woods, you dig?
We have an older couple come through in their "top of the line" bus. Not an RV, but a bus that looks like it belongs to a rock group. Can't camp without custom made cabinetry, right? She is a New Englander that wears workout clothes that have never been sweated in. A Linda Richmond type. She carries her precious Pomeranian around, Miss Crumpet. I know the dog's name because it has a rhinestone collar telling me this. And a tiara. I swear to god the dog had a tiara. They are the type that complains about EVERYTHING.
"It's so muggy out here. Why are there mosquitoes? You call this food? You call this a trail? When do you turn the lights on in the mountains? When do you let the animals out of their cages in the morning?"
{those are actual questions asked of me, and true complaints made}
They let her run around the facilities and terrorize the kids there (a serious ankle biter, this one) and had been given two warnings, and told the next time would result in a ticket. It's about a $600 ticket. If the bears feel threatened, they'll come looking. Sure enough, they are on the top of Signal Mountain looking down on the eagles and have Miss Crumpet baring her teeth and chasing the frightened kids around by the cliff's edge. My friend was on duty that day and he pulls up and starts writing them their ticket. She starts yelling at him and saying her sweet, little doggie wouldn't hurt a fly. Just at that moment,
EEEEEEEEE-ahhhhh! YELP!
An eagle swooped down and snatched Miss Crumpet and flew off. This woman starts going ballistic and reaches for my friend's gun. He slaps her hand away and she orders him to "shoot it! Shoot it! Oh, Miss Crumpet!!" He asks her if she seriously expects him to shoot the national bird in the national park. She begins to berate him and say she'll have his badge, yadda yadda yadda. He lets her know:
"Ma'am, I have no idea where that bird nests. Secondly, even if I could find the nest, you don't want your dog. Next time, don't put a beacon on your animal's head to let the predators know where they are."
He rips the ticket off the pad, hands it to her and says, "Have a nice day."
By the time we got back to the lodge, he had been on the radio to every park from Banff to the Grand Canyon telling them about Miss Crumpet. Ha ha!!
Nature rules! Maybe one day I'll tell you of the idiots at Old Faithful.
Look at THIS and imagine a snippy, teeth baring, rhinestone collar having dog on the end of those. YIKES!
When I was in college, I spent my summers working for the national parks, namely in the Teton National Park. I learned that people are idiots when taken out of their natural habitat. The place I was stationed was on top of a 8,000 foot mountain, next to a gorgeous lake, across from the Tetons, and behind us was an eagle preserve. Bald eagles. You know, our national bird that was suffering from possible extinction at the time.
You can look down on the preserve, but you can't go into it, for obvious reasons. You also aren't supposed to have pets off leashes as there are grizzly bears and black bears that move through the park. In addition to buffalo, coyotes, wolves, etc. Not smart to have a dog bounding through the woods, you dig?
We have an older couple come through in their "top of the line" bus. Not an RV, but a bus that looks like it belongs to a rock group. Can't camp without custom made cabinetry, right? She is a New Englander that wears workout clothes that have never been sweated in. A Linda Richmond type. She carries her precious Pomeranian around, Miss Crumpet. I know the dog's name because it has a rhinestone collar telling me this. And a tiara. I swear to god the dog had a tiara. They are the type that complains about EVERYTHING.
"It's so muggy out here. Why are there mosquitoes? You call this food? You call this a trail? When do you turn the lights on in the mountains? When do you let the animals out of their cages in the morning?"
{those are actual questions asked of me, and true complaints made}
They let her run around the facilities and terrorize the kids there (a serious ankle biter, this one) and had been given two warnings, and told the next time would result in a ticket. It's about a $600 ticket. If the bears feel threatened, they'll come looking. Sure enough, they are on the top of Signal Mountain looking down on the eagles and have Miss Crumpet baring her teeth and chasing the frightened kids around by the cliff's edge. My friend was on duty that day and he pulls up and starts writing them their ticket. She starts yelling at him and saying her sweet, little doggie wouldn't hurt a fly. Just at that moment,
EEEEEEEEE-ahhhhh! YELP!
An eagle swooped down and snatched Miss Crumpet and flew off. This woman starts going ballistic and reaches for my friend's gun. He slaps her hand away and she orders him to "shoot it! Shoot it! Oh, Miss Crumpet!!" He asks her if she seriously expects him to shoot the national bird in the national park. She begins to berate him and say she'll have his badge, yadda yadda yadda. He lets her know:
"Ma'am, I have no idea where that bird nests. Secondly, even if I could find the nest, you don't want your dog. Next time, don't put a beacon on your animal's head to let the predators know where they are."
He rips the ticket off the pad, hands it to her and says, "Have a nice day."
By the time we got back to the lodge, he had been on the radio to every park from Banff to the Grand Canyon telling them about Miss Crumpet. Ha ha!!
Nature rules! Maybe one day I'll tell you of the idiots at Old Faithful.
Look at THIS and imagine a snippy, teeth baring, rhinestone collar having dog on the end of those. YIKES!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 01:32 pm (UTC)Nature kicks ass. I smart.
Date: 2004-09-04 01:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 02:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 02:49 pm (UTC)"I'm high as a kite and my teeth are green, Merry-fuckin'-Christmas!"
Hello!
Date: 2004-09-04 03:28 pm (UTC)(Unless you are a meanie, and I licked the cookie before I gave it to you.)
And speaking of icons, K-k-k-ken is freakin' terrific.
Re: Nature kicks ass. I smart.
Date: 2004-09-04 03:47 pm (UTC)*ducks*
Re: Hello!
Date: 2004-09-04 03:52 pm (UTC)(Unless you are a meanie, and I licked the cookie before I gave it to you.)
I am only occasionally mean to stupid people, and most of the time I find they're not worth the hassle. :)
And speaking of icons, K-k-k-ken is freakin' terrific.
I wish I could take credit for it, but the lovely and talented
::adds you in turn:: All this AND cookies!
Re: Nature kicks ass. I smart.
Date: 2004-09-04 04:12 pm (UTC)Add a few sprigs of rosemary and it really takes the gaminess out of Bald American Eagle. Seriously.
Tahnks for piping up with the funny! I'll have to post more stupid people quotes, as I have TONS of them. Thank goodness evolution has slowed down with human kind. It provides me hours of entertainment. Whee!!!
Feel free to stick around as long as you'd like.
Re: Hello!
Date: 2004-09-04 04:15 pm (UTC)I want you to come back so I can be mesmerized by your icons....
O....b....l... Huh? And here there's more. So much more. Of what? Who knows... Whooooooooo....... Elipses.........
Re: Nature kicks ass. I smart.
Date: 2004-09-04 04:25 pm (UTC)(here via metaquotes)
Re: Nature kicks ass. I smart.
Date: 2004-09-04 04:27 pm (UTC)Re: Hello!
Date: 2004-09-04 04:29 pm (UTC)But, that aside... crack cheesecake, you say? This is a brilliant idea! Now, you're not going to get around the extra calories, but if you sprinkle some crack in there, it won't really matter, trust me. For every 800-calorie slice you take in, you can put in five good hours in a moshpit. Or, if you're like me, you get lost on the way to the moshpit and you end up kicking the shit out of completely unrelated bunch of people at a karaoke bar.
Re: Nature kicks ass. I smart.
Date: 2004-09-04 04:35 pm (UTC)Re: Nature kicks ass. I smart.
Date: 2004-09-04 04:36 pm (UTC)Re: Hello!
Date: 2004-09-04 04:37 pm (UTC)*grabs you and your icons*
Don't go! I performed a spit take when that popped up on my screen.
I'll give you plenty of chances to prove you are a dork. I am a scientist after all. I'll be the control group.
Re: Nature kicks ass. I smart.
Date: 2004-09-04 04:49 pm (UTC)Re: Hello!
Date: 2004-09-04 04:50 pm (UTC)I'm terribly sorry. ::solemnly passes a cloth. Hermes, of course. Nothing but the best::
I'll give you plenty of chances to prove you are a dork. I am a scientist after all. I'll be the control group.
I assure you you'll be moving on to other experiments in a very short time. *grin*
How to Relax your Owl, Step Two
Date: 2004-09-04 04:53 pm (UTC)Re: Nature kicks ass. I smart.
Date: 2004-09-04 05:15 pm (UTC)A bit of the "doh" factor
Date: 2004-09-04 05:24 pm (UTC)Help me help you! That one should be filed next to "jumbo shrimp."
I'm going to imagine your icon is the true picture of you, 'kay?
no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 05:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 05:25 pm (UTC)Re: How to Relax your Owl, Step Two
Date: 2004-09-04 05:33 pm (UTC)(I'm very good at neck massage, by the way, but it only involves a head pressed to my chest if I *really* like you.)
Re: A bit of the "doh" factor
Date: 2004-09-04 05:40 pm (UTC)Re: How to Relax your Owl, Step Two
Date: 2004-09-04 06:02 pm (UTC)Wanna chocolate? Apple? One meelion dollars?