My house is quiet, and I'm procrastinating
Sep. 4th, 2004 03:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321I find myself unmotivated to do the many things I should do, so instead, I will give you the Greatest Story Ever Told. Not Biblical, although it does involve man vs. nature.
When I was in college, I spent my summers working for the national parks, namely in the Teton National Park. I learned that people are idiots when taken out of their natural habitat. The place I was stationed was on top of a 8,000 foot mountain, next to a gorgeous lake, across from the Tetons, and behind us was an eagle preserve. Bald eagles. You know, our national bird that was suffering from possible extinction at the time.
You can look down on the preserve, but you can't go into it, for obvious reasons. You also aren't supposed to have pets off leashes as there are grizzly bears and black bears that move through the park. In addition to buffalo, coyotes, wolves, etc. Not smart to have a dog bounding through the woods, you dig?
We have an older couple come through in their "top of the line" bus. Not an RV, but a bus that looks like it belongs to a rock group. Can't camp without custom made cabinetry, right? She is a New Englander that wears workout clothes that have never been sweated in. A Linda Richmond type. She carries her precious Pomeranian around, Miss Crumpet. I know the dog's name because it has a rhinestone collar telling me this. And a tiara. I swear to god the dog had a tiara. They are the type that complains about EVERYTHING.
"It's so muggy out here. Why are there mosquitoes? You call this food? You call this a trail? When do you turn the lights on in the mountains? When do you let the animals out of their cages in the morning?"
{those are actual questions asked of me, and true complaints made}
They let her run around the facilities and terrorize the kids there (a serious ankle biter, this one) and had been given two warnings, and told the next time would result in a ticket. It's about a $600 ticket. If the bears feel threatened, they'll come looking. Sure enough, they are on the top of Signal Mountain looking down on the eagles and have Miss Crumpet baring her teeth and chasing the frightened kids around by the cliff's edge. My friend was on duty that day and he pulls up and starts writing them their ticket. She starts yelling at him and saying her sweet, little doggie wouldn't hurt a fly. Just at that moment,
EEEEEEEEE-ahhhhh! YELP!
An eagle swooped down and snatched Miss Crumpet and flew off. This woman starts going ballistic and reaches for my friend's gun. He slaps her hand away and she orders him to "shoot it! Shoot it! Oh, Miss Crumpet!!" He asks her if she seriously expects him to shoot the national bird in the national park. She begins to berate him and say she'll have his badge, yadda yadda yadda. He lets her know:
"Ma'am, I have no idea where that bird nests. Secondly, even if I could find the nest, you don't want your dog. Next time, don't put a beacon on your animal's head to let the predators know where they are."
He rips the ticket off the pad, hands it to her and says, "Have a nice day."
By the time we got back to the lodge, he had been on the radio to every park from Banff to the Grand Canyon telling them about Miss Crumpet. Ha ha!!
Nature rules! Maybe one day I'll tell you of the idiots at Old Faithful.
Look at THIS and imagine a snippy, teeth baring, rhinestone collar having dog on the end of those. YIKES!
When I was in college, I spent my summers working for the national parks, namely in the Teton National Park. I learned that people are idiots when taken out of their natural habitat. The place I was stationed was on top of a 8,000 foot mountain, next to a gorgeous lake, across from the Tetons, and behind us was an eagle preserve. Bald eagles. You know, our national bird that was suffering from possible extinction at the time.
You can look down on the preserve, but you can't go into it, for obvious reasons. You also aren't supposed to have pets off leashes as there are grizzly bears and black bears that move through the park. In addition to buffalo, coyotes, wolves, etc. Not smart to have a dog bounding through the woods, you dig?
We have an older couple come through in their "top of the line" bus. Not an RV, but a bus that looks like it belongs to a rock group. Can't camp without custom made cabinetry, right? She is a New Englander that wears workout clothes that have never been sweated in. A Linda Richmond type. She carries her precious Pomeranian around, Miss Crumpet. I know the dog's name because it has a rhinestone collar telling me this. And a tiara. I swear to god the dog had a tiara. They are the type that complains about EVERYTHING.
"It's so muggy out here. Why are there mosquitoes? You call this food? You call this a trail? When do you turn the lights on in the mountains? When do you let the animals out of their cages in the morning?"
{those are actual questions asked of me, and true complaints made}
They let her run around the facilities and terrorize the kids there (a serious ankle biter, this one) and had been given two warnings, and told the next time would result in a ticket. It's about a $600 ticket. If the bears feel threatened, they'll come looking. Sure enough, they are on the top of Signal Mountain looking down on the eagles and have Miss Crumpet baring her teeth and chasing the frightened kids around by the cliff's edge. My friend was on duty that day and he pulls up and starts writing them their ticket. She starts yelling at him and saying her sweet, little doggie wouldn't hurt a fly. Just at that moment,
EEEEEEEEE-ahhhhh! YELP!
An eagle swooped down and snatched Miss Crumpet and flew off. This woman starts going ballistic and reaches for my friend's gun. He slaps her hand away and she orders him to "shoot it! Shoot it! Oh, Miss Crumpet!!" He asks her if she seriously expects him to shoot the national bird in the national park. She begins to berate him and say she'll have his badge, yadda yadda yadda. He lets her know:
"Ma'am, I have no idea where that bird nests. Secondly, even if I could find the nest, you don't want your dog. Next time, don't put a beacon on your animal's head to let the predators know where they are."
He rips the ticket off the pad, hands it to her and says, "Have a nice day."
By the time we got back to the lodge, he had been on the radio to every park from Banff to the Grand Canyon telling them about Miss Crumpet. Ha ha!!
Nature rules! Maybe one day I'll tell you of the idiots at Old Faithful.
Look at THIS and imagine a snippy, teeth baring, rhinestone collar having dog on the end of those. YIKES!
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How to Relax your Owl, Step Two
Date: 2004-09-04 04:53 pm (UTC)Re: How to Relax your Owl, Step Two
Date: 2004-09-04 05:33 pm (UTC)(I'm very good at neck massage, by the way, but it only involves a head pressed to my chest if I *really* like you.)
Re: How to Relax your Owl, Step Two
Date: 2004-09-04 06:02 pm (UTC)Wanna chocolate? Apple? One meelion dollars?
Re: How to Relax your Owl, Step Two
Date: 2004-09-04 06:33 pm (UTC)(seriously, one of the best ways to massage the little knotty muscles at the base of the skull is to have the person brace their forehead against my sternum so I can massage inwards with the tips of my fingers. It's easier than going at them from behind the person, where the same sort of motion tends to just push their head forward.)
mmmm chocolate.
Re: How to Relax your Owl, Step Two
Date: 2004-09-04 07:31 pm (UTC)You did NOT just post that. Hee! If I smoked, I would be pulling the pack out right about now.
*Stretches out and falls promptly asleep*
Re: How to Relax your Owl, Step Two
Date: 2004-09-06 07:18 am (UTC)Did not actually mean it that way, but hell, it's funnier.
I need to go snort with laughter for a while. I'd say I'm sorry, but it sounds like it was good for you.
Re: How to Relax your Owl, Step Two
Date: 2004-09-06 07:53 am (UTC)Snort away, my friend. Now I know why that owl is so relaxed!