My house is quiet, and I'm procrastinating

[stoney321]

I find myself unmotivated to do the many things I should do, so instead, I will give you the Greatest Story Ever Told. Not Biblical, although it does involve man vs. nature.


When I was in college, I spent my summers working for the national parks, namely in the Teton National Park. I learned that people are idiots when taken out of their natural habitat. The place I was stationed was on top of a 8,000 foot mountain, next to a gorgeous lake, across from the Tetons, and behind us was an eagle preserve. Bald eagles. You know, our national bird that was suffering from possible extinction at the time.

You can look down on the preserve, but you can't go into it, for obvious reasons. You also aren't supposed to have pets off leashes as there are grizzly bears and black bears that move through the park. In addition to buffalo, coyotes, wolves, etc. Not smart to have a dog bounding through the woods, you dig?

We have an older couple come through in their "top of the line" bus. Not an RV, but a bus that looks like it belongs to a rock group. Can't camp without custom made cabinetry, right? She is a New Englander that wears workout clothes that have never been sweated in. A Linda Richmond type. She carries her precious Pomeranian around, Miss Crumpet. I know the dog's name because it has a rhinestone collar telling me this. And a tiara. I swear to god the dog had a tiara. They are the type that complains about EVERYTHING.

"It's so muggy out here. Why are there mosquitoes? You call this food? You call this a trail? When do you turn the lights on in the mountains? When do you let the animals out of their cages in the morning?"

{those are actual questions asked of me, and true complaints made}

They let her run around the facilities and terrorize the kids there (a serious ankle biter, this one) and had been given two warnings, and told the next time would result in a ticket. It's about a $600 ticket. If the bears feel threatened, they'll come looking. Sure enough, they are on the top of Signal Mountain looking down on the eagles and have Miss Crumpet baring her teeth and chasing the frightened kids around by the cliff's edge. My friend was on duty that day and he pulls up and starts writing them their ticket. She starts yelling at him and saying her sweet, little doggie wouldn't hurt a fly. Just at that moment,

EEEEEEEEE-ahhhhh! YELP!

An eagle swooped down and snatched Miss Crumpet and flew off. This woman starts going ballistic and reaches for my friend's gun. He slaps her hand away and she orders him to "shoot it! Shoot it! Oh, Miss Crumpet!!" He asks her if she seriously expects him to shoot the national bird in the national park. She begins to berate him and say she'll have his badge, yadda yadda yadda. He lets her know:
"Ma'am, I have no idea where that bird nests. Secondly, even if I could find the nest, you don't want your dog. Next time, don't put a beacon on your animal's head to let the predators know where they are."

He rips the ticket off the pad, hands it to her and says, "Have a nice day."

By the time we got back to the lodge, he had been on the radio to every park from Banff to the Grand Canyon telling them about Miss Crumpet. Ha ha!!


Nature rules! Maybe one day I'll tell you of the idiots at Old Faithful.

Look at THIS and imagine a snippy, teeth baring, rhinestone collar having dog on the end of those. YIKES!

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_jealousy_/]

That is hilarious.

Nature kicks ass. I smart.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, we drank the local ale and toasted that beautiful bird that night. And several nights after.

Re: Nature kicks ass. I smart.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

So how does toasted bird taste?

*ducks*

[grifyn.livejournal.com]

The icon love! THE ICON LOVE! ::swoons::

"I'm high as a kite and my teeth are green, Merry-fuckin'-Christmas!"

Hello!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

How'd you get in here? Come on in and close the door to a crack, if you would. Wanna cookie? There's chocolate chips and pecans in it!

(Unless you are a meanie, and I licked the cookie before I gave it to you.)

And speaking of icons, K-k-k-ken is freakin' terrific.

[dodyskin.livejournal.com]

So so tempted to metaquote you. I die now.

[antiope8.livejournal.com]

We have a bald eagle that nests by our house. I keep hoping that one day it'll swoop down and carry away my mom's miniature dachshund. He's probably too fat but it makes a great mental picture.

Do you really wanna make me do a weiner dog/eating joke?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't know. I've seen them attack an Osprey before, and that's a big bird.

I am more impressed by the image of the stupid, pampered be-frilled "companion" dog being consumed by the wild, majestic and fierce eagle. Whoo hoo! Go Nature!

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Always been an Eagles fan, myself. That was...too freaking funny. The cages question was almost as hysterical as the fate of Miss Crumpet. And yes, you take people out of their natural habitat and they're idiots. :::wipes eyes from tears of laughter:::

Tune in tomorrow for

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

The tale of the idiots at Old Faithful. (BTW, the lodge there reminds me of the Overlook!!! Come play with us, Daneeeee....)

I wanna fly like an eagle, to go eat
Fly to Miss Crumpet, ate her 'cause she so sparkly...
Doo doo doo doodoo!

[agreasymexican.livejournal.com]

I have two friends, they are twins. They arn't exactly the....."Soft" type.

You see, they grew up in a very very harsh neighborhood wehere you basicly kick someones ass every month or lose your reputation as a "man" and though they are both INSANELY intelligent, they see the worth in being "hard asses" as it means no one will mess with them. I don't belive they have ever seen "You got mail", to be blunt about it.

So, this random act of kindess, is so, SO unlike them, that the end result can be nothing but commical.


They were going to school one day, Universty of Toledo, heading for class, not too much time to spare. They know being late on one of the first days of school is something you just don't want to do, so they make that extra effort to rush to class. HOWEVER, upon entering the glass double doors of the fine arts complex, they come upon an unexpected site... a baby bunny.

Now, it seems like all these artsy, college goers (the very people that can ofter be generalized animal lovers and protectors of nature) were passing by this VERY OBVIOUS creature, who was helpless and shaking. The two, doing the last thing anyone would ever expect them to do, managed to corner the bunny, to set it free. They were gental and cautios, as not to startle the bunny. This is such a rare site for these two, doing something for the good of nature, and innosence. As they let it go out the two double glass doors into the sidwalk followed by a grassy feild, they felt the joy in their small, mall hearts as they watched the bunny trot away, back into its natural enviroment.

Of course, the Eagle perched up on the light post saw MUCH more than a Kodac moment, and decided that the bunny would make a MUCH better lunch. The twins watched in horror as the Bunny was swooped away by the bird of prey, and taken above and beyond the fine arts building.

They took it as a lesson. They know now that they were never turly ment to do good in this world, and even nature belives that to be so.

:-p not as classic as Miss Crumpet, but its good :-p Stumbled upon your journal by clicking a friends friends list, and thought I'd comment in here since I REALLY LIKE your Michael Whelan Icons. Snow Queen was always my favorite work by him :-)

Hola, Amigo! (Amiga?)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yes. Nature - she is cruel. But majestic to behold!

And thanks for the icon love. If you credit, you may have! (Snow Queen is also a terrific book, if you haven't read it.)

[diannelamerc.livejournal.com]

Well, they did good returning the bunny to its natural environment, where I'm sure it was much relieved and happy-- for a few moments before the eagle ate it, as often happens to bunnies in their natural environment. C'est la vie! :)

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

That's funny as hell. I do feel a little sorry for Miss Crumpet, though; it wasn't HER fault that she was adopted by a pair of self-centered assholes.

Did they still have to pay the ticket? Enquiring minds want to know!

And the winner is.... you!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Thanks for asking what I imagined would be the obvious question.

YES. All 600 bones. There were five people killed that year due to bear attacks. They is not jokin' when they say to keep your pet on a leash and pick up after it.

(Confidentially, Miss Crumpet was a bit of a shit. If she hadn't been so mean... But I know exactly what you mean.)

*points to icon* Black kitty!

[dusty273.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Am I too bad of a person if I say yay for the eagle?

Cheering for birdies!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Then that would make me eeeevil. It took a year or so before I could tell that story without laughing myself sick. One day we will meet. And on that day, I will do my eagle shriek for you, and you will know my name is the Lord!

Whoops! Got a little Pulp Fiction on my post...

[hellziggy.livejournal.com]

Hi! I wandered in through Metaquotes & while I am kinda sad about the puppy, I have to say that it doesn't sound like it could have happened to a more deserving couple. If I had been there I would have been soooo taking pictures of the bird carrying Mrs. Crumpet away!

BTW, I am going to friend you, because you made me laugh, and you like Buffy, and you like Michael Whelan (His Pern covers rock my world!) and I want tomorrows Old Faithful stories to show up on my friends page. So, Hi! :)

Did you say porn?? Oh! Pern.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Michael Whelan makes me happy.

Tomorrow I shall deliver more stupid people! And don't think of Miss Crumpet as a sweet, huggy puppy. She was a snarling, snapping, growling, drooling meanie that CHASED CHILDREN TOWARDS A CLIFF EDGE.

Did that help your insides?

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

Oh, I laughed at this like I laughed with the little Yorkies died in "A Fish Called Wanda"

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahahahahaha! That was the best story ever!

Although I did find you put too much of yourself in the story. Heeeeeeeeee. ::molests you all over the place::

See, it's people like THIS, and even more so the woman who let her kid put her hand in the geyser hole, who make me feel like a freaking GENIUS. :0P

funny story

[anelith.livejournal.com]

[From Ron: Anne's husband] The eagle snatching the dog was a hoot [oohh, bird joke]. My sister used to work at at Glacier National Park in Montana, and she called the tourists "tourons."

By the way [lack of abbreviations shows my post-newbiness (is that parsable?)], I visited the Teton park 2-3 times in 1980's and possibly early 90's (High School, College, & possibly grad-school, hard to remember), it was a beautiful place.

Some time real soon, I hope to get an LJ account,

Ron

Re: funny story

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hi, Ron!

"Tourons" Hahahaha! That's my new favorite word. And I usually tell people to stay in the Tetons, and take day trips into Yellowstone. It's GORGEOUS there, and no one sticks around long enough to harsh your mellow while you vacation.

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

This is a wondrous and fantastic story. I think you should be a literary nonfiction writer.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

From your lips to god's ears.

Man, did I acquire some fabulous stories up there....