Karma Laundrette

The best roller skating song ever is "Funky Town." However, not one I would karaoke. But this one? Oh, hell yeah.

Mother told me, yes, she told me I'd meet girls like you.
She also told me, "Stay away, you'll never know what you'll catch."
Just the other day I heard a of a soldier's falling off.
Some Indonesian junk that's going round.

Chorus) Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away, ay, ay, ay.

Father says, "Your mother's right, she's really up on things."
"Before we married, Mommy served in the WACS in the Philippines."
Now, I had heard the WACS recruited old maids for the war.
But mommy isn't one of those, I've known her all these years.

Chorus) Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away, ay, ay, ay.

Whatever happened to all this season's losers of the year?
Every time I got to thinking, where'd they disappear?
Then I woke up, Mom and Dad are rolling on the couch.
Rolling numbers, rock and rolling, got my KISS records out.

Chorus) Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away, ay, ay, ay. Sue's alright...Stoney's alright...Karabair's alright...

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Listen... I feel the need to preface this with a disclaimer: It was the 80s, and I was 9. There's was a roller rink in town. Our after-school program went there a lot. This song gave me a great big happy, and I'm sure it made my hair bigger with each listening:

Just a small town girl living in a lonely world
She took the midnight train going anywhere
Just a city boy born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train going anywhere

A singer in a smoky room, the smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night.
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting up down the boulevard.
Their shadows searchin in the night
Streetlight people living to find emotion
Hiding somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill, everybody wants a thrill
Payin anything to roll the dice. Just one more time.
Some will win some will lose some were born to sing the blues.
Oh the movie never ends. It goes on and on and on and on...

Don't stop believing.
Hold on to the feeling.
Streetlight people.

Who were the streetlight people? The world may never know. Would I karaoke this? With enough Long Island iced teas in me, anything's possible, though I'm more likely to stalk the stage while ineptly belting a Faith No More song.

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While I have no idea who the streetlinght people are, I do know this: enough LITs in anyone can bring about good times. Followed by a massive headache.

I tighten my glow-in-the-dark fat laces on my speed skates and start shaking and singing: Rapper's Delight, by SugarHill Gang. It's 70s Skate!

(Not all, but the middle part)
I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie
to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop
rock it out baby bubbah to the boogie da bang bang
the boogie to the boogie da beat

I said I can't wait til the end of the week
when I'm rappin to the rhythm of a groovy beat
and attempt to raise your body heat
just blow your mind so that you can't speak
and do a thing but a rock and shuffle your feet
and let it change up to a dance called the freak
and when ya finally do come in to your rhythmic beat
rest a little while so ya dont get weak
I know a man named hank
he has more rhymes than a serious bank
so come on hank sing that song
to the rhythm of the boogie da bang bang da bong

well, I'm imp the dimp the ladies pimp
the women fight for my delight
but I'm the grandmaster with the three mcs
that shock the house for the young ladies
and when you come inside, into the front
you do the freak, spank, and do the bump
and when the sucker mcs try to prove a point

we're treacherous trio, we're the serious joint
a from sun to sun and from day to day
I sit down and write a brand new rhyme
because they say that miracles never cease
I've created a devastating masterpiece
I'm gonna rock the mike til you can't resist
everybody, I say it goes like this
well I was comin home late one dark afternoon
a reporter stopped me for a interview
she said she's heard stories and she's heard fables
that I'm vicious on the mike and the turntables
this young reporter i did adore
so I rocked a vicious rhyme like I never did before
she said damn fly guy I'm in love with you
the casanova legend must have been true
I said by the way baby what's your name
said I go by the name of lois lane
and you could be my boyfiend you surely can
just let me quit my boyfriend called superman
I said he's a fairy I do suppoose
flyin through the air in pantyhose
he may be very sexy or even cute
but he looks like a sucker in a blue and red suit
I said you need a man who's got finesse
and his whole name across his chest
he may be able to fly all through the night
but can he rock a party til the early light
he cant satisfy you with his little worm
but I can bust you out with my super sperm
I go do it, I go do it, I go do it, do it , do it
an I'm here an I'm there I'm big bang hank, I'm everywhere
just throw your hands up in the air
and party hardy like you just dont care
let's do it dont stop yall a tick a tock yall you dont stop
go hotel motel what you gonna do today(say what)
I'm gonna get a fly girl gonna get some spank drive off in a def oj
everybody go hotel motel holiday inn
you say if your girl starts actin up then you take her friend
I say skip, dive, what can I say
I cant fit em all inside my oj
so I just take half and bust them out
I give the rest to master gee so he could shock the house

**********
Time to skate over and grab a coke.... Someone take the mic!

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It's about to be "slow jams" and "all couple skate." I'm wicked good going backwards. I'm about to put in a request for Xanadu... Someone stop me!

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likeadeuce.livejournal.com

oh dear lord. there may be a generation gap, but for those of us born during the Ford administration, there was only one great roller skating song that counted:

Once upon a time not so long ago:
Tommy used to work on the docks
union's been on strike

He's down on his luck - It's tough
so tough.
Gina works the diner all day
working for her man

She brings home her pay for love
for love.

She says: We've got to hold on to what we've got
'Cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not.
We've got each other and that's a lot for love -
We'll give it a shot.

Ohhh ---oooohh

We're half way there -

ohhhh--awhhhh

Livin' on a prayer

Take my hand and we'll make it
I swear - awh-awh --livin' on a prayer.

Tommy got his six string in hock.
Now he's holding in what he used to make it talk -
So tough
it's tough.
Gina dreams of running away
when she cries in the night
Tommy whispers: Baby
it's okay
someday.

We've got to hold on to what we've got . . .
etc etc

The great thing? I had to look up those words, and I was shocked by what half of them were. And kids, I've KARAOKED this song before. MANY TIMES. I guess the answer to that riddle is, by the time you're karaoke-ing Bon Jovi, you're too drunk to retain the words.

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We used to sing this at the lunch table in elementary school in hushed tones, since the Baptist vibes around had alerted to the fact that it was evil. I remember it especially well because I was dancing around to it while on the stage in the auditorium, didn't see the edge, lost my balance, fell on my arm -- broke it. Because white girls in the boonies are not ready for the 'hood, yo.

Brass Monkey - that funky Monkey
Brass Monkey - junkie
That funky Monkey

Got this dance that's more than real
Drink Brass Monkey - here's how you feel
Put your left leg down - your right leg up
Tilt your head back - let's finish the cup
M.C.A. with the bottle - D. rocks the can
Adrock gets nice with Charlie Chan
We're offered Moet - we don't mind Chivas
Wherever we go with bring the Monkey with us
Adrock drinks three - Mike D. is D.
Double R. foots the bill most definitely
I drink Brass Monkey and I rock well
I got a Castle in Brooklyn - that's where I dwell

(repeat chorus)

Cause I drink it anytime - and anyplace
When it's time to get ill - I pour it on my face
Monkey tastes Def when you pour it on ice
Come on y'all it's time to get nice
Coolin' by the lockers getting kind of funky
Me and the crew - we're drinking Brass Monkey
This girl walked by - she gave me the eye
I reached in the locker - grabbed the Spanish Fly
I put it with the Monkey - mixed it in the cup
Went over to the girl, "Yo baby, what's up?"
I offered her a sip - the girl she gave me lip
It did begin the stuff wore in and now she's on my tip

(repeat chorus)

Step up to the bar - put the girl down
She takes a big gulp and slaps it around
Take a sip - you can do it - you get right to it
We had a case in the place and we went right through it
You got a dry Martini - thinking you're cool
I'll take your place at the bar - I smack you off your stool
I'll down a '40 dog" in a single gulp
And if you got beef you'll get beat to a pulp
Monkey and parties and reelin' and rockin'
Def, def - girls, girls - all y'all jockin'
The song and dance keeping you in a trance
If you don't buy my record I got my advance
I drink it - I think it - I see it - I be it
I love Brass Monkey but I won't give D. it
We got the bottle - you got the cup
Come on everybody let's get ffffff

(repeat chorus)

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I like that you are pretending to not know those words. Hee! And the DJ is calling for an all couple's skate with Slow Jams, so if we are heading back into 80s territory, then the next song (and I'm blinding grabbing someone's hands, BTW) is

Take My Breath Away, by Berlin

Watching every motion
In my foolish lover's game
On this endless ocean
Finally lovers know no shame
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn around and say

Take my breath away
Take my breath away

Watching I keep waiting
Still anticipating love
Never hesitating
To become the fated ones
Turning and returning
To some secret place to hide
Watching in slow motion
As you turn to me and say

Take my breath away
Take my breath away

Through the hourglass I saw you
In time you slipped away
When the mirror crashed I called you
And turned to hear you say
If only for today
I am unafraid

Take my breath away
Take my breath away

Watching every motion
In this foolish lover's game
Haunted by the notion
Somewhere there's a love in flames
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn my way and say

Take my breath away
Take my breath away

Seriously? I'd crack up if someone "turned to me and [said] 'Take my breath away." Someone take the mic and I'll ask the DJ about some Duran Duran.

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Oh, lord. This is the night for nostalgia apparently. The thing is? I still got the long, long hair! My headbanging ability has not been impaired by maturity! (Peanut gallery: "What maturity?") YEAH!

Out on the streets, that's where we'll meet
You make the night, I always cross the line
Tightened our belts, abuse ourselves
Get in our way, we'll put you on your shelf
Another day, some other way
We're gonna go, but then we'll see you again
I've had enough, we've had enough
Cold in vain, she said

(Pre-chorus)

I knew right from the beginning
That you would end up winnin'
I knew right from the start
You'd put an arrow through my heart

(Chorus)

Round and round
With love we'll find a way just give it time
Round and round
What comes around goes around
I'll tell you why

Dig

Lookin' at you, lookin' at me
The way you move, you know it's easy to see
The neon light's on me tonight
I've got a way, we're gonna prove it tonight
Like Romeo to Juliet
Time and time, I'm gonna make you mine
I've had enough, we've had enough
It's all the same, she said

(Pre-chorus)

(Chorus)

Yeah!

Solo

Out on the streets, that's where we'll meet
You make the night, I always cross the line
Tightened our belts, abuse ourselves
Get in our way, we'll put you on your shelf

(Chorus)

Round and round
With love we'll find a way just give it time, time, time, time
Round and round
What comes around goes around
I'll tell you why, why, why, why
Round and round

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If we're kickin' it old school, Here's a rap that I performed in a SPEECH COMPETETION. And lost. Huh? Notice the super cool medical-speak rapping at the end. (I used to refer to myself as the L-A-U-R- double A-N-N-E: Laura Anne is who I be.)

Roxanne, Roxanne, by UTFO
Yo EMD
Yeah, what's up man?
There goes that girl they call Roxanne. She's all stuck up
Why you say that?
Cause she wouldn't give a guy like me no rap
She was walking down the street so I said 'Hello
I'm Kangol from UTFO.' And she said 'So?'
And I said 'So?!? Baby don't you know?
I can sing, rap, and dance in just one show
Cause I'm Kangol, Mr. Sophisticata
As far as I'm concerned ain't nobody greater
From beginning to end and, to beginning
I never lose because I'm all about winning
But if I were to lose, I wouldn't be upset
Cause I'm not a gambler, I don't bet
I don't be in no casino, and baby while you knizzow
The izzi is the grizzeat Kizzangizzo.'
I thought she'd be impress by my devious rap
I thought I had her caught cause I'm a sinister trap
I thought it'd be a piece of cake but it was nothing like that
I guess that's what I get for thinking, ain't that right, black?
Then crizzi to gizzone and seen number izzone
Crizzin ricking tizza of mizzac mic dizza
With the bang bang, brother I feel bad
But I ain't comitting suicide for no crab
But calling her a crab is just a figure of speech
Cause she's an apple, a pear, a plum, and a peach
I thought I had it in the palm of my hand
But man oh man, if I was grand I'd bang Roxanne
Chorus:
Roxanne, Roxanne, I wanna be your man

There are several more MIND NUMBING verses left, potty break!

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They used this song on a commercial not too long ago. I hope Cheap Trick got lots and lots of money, because it made me want to KILL.

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I think I see a bunch of seniors making out by the skate rental...

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Well, Robin Zander needs the hair implant dough. Hope it worked out.

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Perhaps the streetlight people were aligned with Mr. Roboto?

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:::blushes::: I know a pom pom routine to that song. Oh, come on, it was the 80s!!!

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To get your motors revvin':
Dr. Feelgood, Motley Crue
Rat tailed Jimmy is a second hand hood
He deals out in Hollywood
Got a '65 Chevy primered flames
Traded for some powdered goods
Jigsaw Jimmy he's runnin' a gang
But I hear he's doin' O.K.
Got a cozy little job sells the Mexican mob
Packages of candycaine

(Chorus)
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood
He's the one that makes ya feel alright
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood

Cops on the corner always ignore
Somebody's getting paid
Jimmy's got it wired, Law's for hire
Got it make in the shade
Got a little hideaway, does business all day
But at night he'll always be found
Selling sugar to the sweet
People on the street
Call this Jimmy's town

(Chorus)
He's gonna be your Frankenstein

I've got one thing you'll understand
He's not what you'd call a glamorous man
Got one thing that's easily understood
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood

He'll tell you he's the king
Of these Barrio streets
Moving up to Shangri La
Came by his wealth as a matter of luck
Says he never broke no law
Two time loser running out of juice
Time to move out quick
Heard a rumour going round
Jimmy's going down
This time it's gonna stick

(Chorus)
He's gonna be your Frankenstein

Let him soothe your soul, just take his hand
Some people call him an evil man
Let him introduce himself real good
He's the only one they call "Feelgood"

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You HAD to bring up Duran Duran. You just couldn't help yourself, could you? Do you not know my unrequited love for Andy Taylor?! ::ponders singing "The Union of the Snake"::

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So. Many. Songs. Stuck. In. My. HEAD! ::dies laughing:: I thought that was the coolest song in the world when it came out. I thought it was BADASS.

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Domo Arigato. Domo! (domo)

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hellziggy.livejournal.com

Oh thank god we won't have to fight! My unrequited love is John Taylor! Yum! I'm still planning on bearing his children someday!

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(My fave is Girls on Film, but this song has the craziest lyrics. Seriously. WTF? How do you smell like you sound?)

Hungry Like the Wolf, Duran Duran

Darken the city, night is a wire
Steam in the subway, earth is a afire
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo
Woman, you want me, give me a sign
And catch my breathing even closer behind
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo

In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Smell like I sound, I'm lost in a crowd
And I'm hungry like the wolf
Straddle the line in discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I'm hungry like the wolf

Stalked in the forest, too close to hide
I'll be upon you by the moonlight side
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo
High blood drumming on your skin, it's so tight
You feel my heart, I'm just a moment behind
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo

In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Scent and a sound, I'm lost and I'm found
And I'm hungry like the wolf
Strut on a line, it's discord and rhyme
I howl and I whine, I'm after you
Mouth is alive, al lrunning inside
And i'm hungry like the wolf

Hungry like the wolf
Hungry like the wolf
Hungry like the wolf

Burning the ground, I break from the crowd
I'm on the hunt, I'm after you
I smell like I sound, I'm lost and I'm found
And I'm hungry like the wolf
Strut on a line, it's discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt, I'm after you
Mouth is alive with juices like wine
And I'm hungry like the wolf

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Scroll down a bit for your lovin'. Hey! Whip me around the corner! You'll have to skate faster...

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I was mesmerized by that video. The DJ is bustin' yo song down below.

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Dude, no discussion of UTFO can pass without Roxanne Shante's "answer." It just CAN'T. I think it's a law or something...

ell, my name is Roxanne, a-don't ya know
I just a-cold rock a party, and I do this show
I said I met these three guys, and you know that's true
A-let me tell you and explain them all to you:
I met this dude with the name of a hat
I didn't even walk away, I didn't give him no rap
But then he got real mad, and he got a little tired
If he worked for me, you know he would be fired
His name is Kangol, and that is cute
He ain't got money, and he ain't got the loot
And every time that I see him, he's always a-beggin'
And all the other girls that he's always tryin' to leggin'
Every time that he sees me, he says a rhyme
But, see, compared to me it's weak compared to mine
A-every time I know that I am sayin' somethin' fresher
In any category I'm considered the best
And every time that I say it there ain't nothin' less
And everybody knows I will win the contest
So, then, after that came the Educated Rapper
His fingers started snappin', and my hands start to clappin'
Every time-a that I see him, everything he say
A-every time he says, he says it dumber this way:
He said-a, "Yeah, you know your mother's name is Mary,"
But all he wanna do is just-a bust a cherry
Every time that I see him, he's sayin' somethin' new
But let me explain to him what he should do:
He should be like me, a fly MC
Don't never have to bite, we're always right
I have the freshest rhymes that I do recite
And after that, and you know it's true
Well, let me tell you somethin' else about the Doctor, too:
He ain't really cute, and he ain't great
He don't even know how to operate
He came up to me with some bullshit rap
But let me tell you somethin' 'cause you know it was wack
So when he came up to me, I told him to step back
He said, "You call yourself an MC?" I said, "This is true,"
He said, "Explain to me really what MCs must do."
I said, "Listen very close 'cause I don't say this every day:
My name is Roxanne, and they call me ShantÃ‚ÂŽ."
But every time-a I say a rhyme-a just-a like-a this-a
It's something that you MCs just won't-a miss-a
And if you think it's cute-a, and you think it's all right
But, see, you said it in a language so you wouldn't have to bite
You started talkin' Pig Latin, didn't make no sense
You thought you was cute, yeah, you thought you was a prince
You're walkin' down the block, holdin' your jock
But everybody knows that you're all on my yacht
I'm just the devastatin', always rockin', always have the niggas clockin'
Everybody knows it's me, yeah, the R-O-X-A-N-N-E, yeah
Down with everybody fresh and everyone that I possess
And every time I do it right-a, everyone is sure to bite-a
Every time I do it, yeah, you know it is-a me-a
Rockin' on the beat-a that you can see
And every time I have a DJ like Ice
He ain't right, yeah, he ain't nice
Because a-everything he does is off-the-wall
Compared to my man Marley Marl
The way he gets on the tables, yes
Everyone knows that he is fresh
So, the UTFO crew, you know what you can do
Lemme tell you one for me, and then I'll tell you one for you
Every time you sayin' somethin' just-a like-a this-a
It ain't nothin' that I don't wanna miss-a
And if you're thinkin' that I'm bitin' your beat
Well, then you just better know, and a-listen to me
Because my name is Roxanne-a, and I came to say
I'm rockin' to the beat-a, and I do it every day
I'm conceited, never beated, never heard of defeated
I'm rockin' to the beat-a, and you know it is-a me-a:
The R-O-X-A-N-N-E-a...

Of course there's more... SO MUCH more...

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That's why they put Grace Jones in the video -- to distract you from the fact that it makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Hee!

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