Looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays!

[stoney321]

In regards to the latest wank about the man "married" to a horse and "dating" a human... I can't believe no one made the joke, "gives a whole new meaning to the term 'animal husbandry.'" Ba dum bum ching. And seriously - I've not been able to stop making punchlines all night.

* What did Darkhorseman say to the slaughter house? Take my wife, please.
* When Darkhorseman and his Mare got married, what hotel room did they stay in? The Bridle Suite.
* What did sweet nothings did Darkhorseman say to his Mare the first night he tried coupling with her? "Roses are red, violets are blue. Horses that don't bone me get made into glue."
* Darkhorseman had been feeling a little ill before going into the stable to see his "wife." His girlfriend hollered at him through the barn door, "How you doing in there?" He replied, "I'm feeling a little horse."

Whah whah.

If anything, it gives the New Zealanders some breathing room about them and their sheep. [/rimshot] (for the record, I don't believe some of the stories coming out - stallions will NOT allow you to touch them when a mare is in heat. You'll be killed, truly.) <-- WHY IS THIS BEING DISCUSSED, ACK! ACK!

I'm just about done with my favorite gift from the holidays, Amy Sedaris' self-help/how to entertain while drunk book "I Like You." What's great is that she's serious, mostly. I think I've got my Amy-impression down pat, too. Wheee! *sticks googly eyes on you all* I'm not even going to mention that I applied for a new crack RP game last night. I'm not going to talk about that. *cough*

I think I should go back to bed...

Comments

[lostakasha.livejournal.com]

Is there anyone funnier than you? Neigh, neigh!

And I can SEE your Amy Sedaris impression, and you are killing me.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*pulls on nude, sandaltoe pantyhose and smiles seductively* Want a cheeseball? It's a L'il Smokey.

GOOD MORNING!

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

I wonder which of the threesome does the hoovering ...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

...the farrier?

Oh, HOOVERing. ;)

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

Omg, stoney, I am CRYING WITH LAUGHTER. And making weird, suppressed squeaky sounds as I try not to alert the entire office nad I think I sound like I have a seizure and I'm only on PAGE FOUR OF THE COMMENTS.

Oh, love. Lovelovelove.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I KNOW! I've been reading all the zoo comm and poly_furry comm posts, and I CALL SHENANIGANS! Okay, I believe this guy is putting it to his horse, but considering that you have to stick your whole arm up to your pit inside a horse to help it deliver, his teeny weeny isn't making her "SATISFIED"

...I just threw up a little. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??? *revels in my normalcy* And I though I was broken inside!!!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OH! OH! OH!

And to make it worse, the BFF bought a "girlfriend" for her horse, Doc, yesterday! So all day yesterday I looked at pictures of "Caroline" and Doc running and playing in the pasture of her new place.

AND NOW MY BRAIN ACHES.

[chantal87.livejournal.com]

I just had to click on the horse link. It's just wrong I tells ya.
I think I even threw up in my mouth a little.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I.
KNOW.

Oh, M. People are WRONG WRONG WRONG. *cracks the hell up at your SWC icon*

[slasheuse.livejournal.com]

I think you should talk about that. TO ME. Even now.

P.S. got over my Nerves. and er undertook missions discussed in electronic correspondence WITH SUCCESS. !!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hurrah!! So proud of my little girl all growed up. *beams*

AND FTW, SOPHIE. FTW. Methinks someone obsessed over Equus in their youth.

[entrenous88.livejournal.com]

I love the Amy Sedaris book! My BFF A. and I were snickering over the fill the medicine cabinet with marbles to foil nosy guests, or how to make exciting things out of pantyhose section. I love how a bunch of the recipes come from Paul Dinello!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Eye Burrito!! I love her advice and how she has "theme" parties. And charges. And sells anything for a quarter - not two dimes and a nickel, but a solid quarter.

....does anyone outside of the south say "solid quarter?"

[violethamster.livejournal.com]

People are just so wrong. I'm so amused, but so very very nauseated. I'm personally hoping someone in RL is tracking this guy down and we'll soon see much exploitative media coverage.

I keep meaning to look for that Amy Sedaris book at the library. I have a secret addiction to Martha Stewart-y crap anyway, and Amy Sedaris doing so while drunk should rock so very much.

I'm on vacation and finally got some time to watch some stuff on adultswim.com (well, a little bit of time, since I've recently developed a huge Hellsing addiction), and Metalocalypse is hilarious. I'm a Brendon Small fan anyway, from Home Movies.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, YAY!!!!! I need someone else to be into Metalocalypse (or at least get my references) and I love that show so much!! Brendon Small cracks me up - he does most of the voices of Dethklok (and Mark Hamill does, too!)

What's great about Amy's book is that is has USEFUL STUFF IN IT. And is really hilarious. And I know now that if I'm ever invited to her house, I will not be eating off the cheeseball because she recycles the leftovers, hahahaha.

[thebratqueen.livejournal.com]

Never doubt my love for you. Seriously.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I propose an addendum to the Geek Chart. ...which I may or may not be working on right now. Heh.

*squish*

[liz-marcs.livejournal.com]

Reading the horse wank (EW!) has totally made my weekend!

It has it all! Teh crazy, teh batshit, teh WtFkery...

I loves me teh Internets...

But still, EEEEEWWWWW!

I nominate the following line as the 2007 Line of the Year: His "wife"? A horse.

Killed me ded.

And Amy Sedaris. Yes. Must read.

Happy over-caffeinated Monday to you, too.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

The Amy Sedaris book is a GEM. Especially the step-by-step on how to pull on pantyhose. :D

It's the most WTF thing I've come across yet on the internet, and that's saying a LOT.

[crevette.livejournal.com]

Hehehehe.

You realize the truly fucked up person is the woman who is willing to be the secondary... TO A HORSE. She's A-OKAY with him putting his dick in her AFTER IT'S BEEN IN A HORSE.

Bzuh???

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I. KNOW. *douches her with bleach and acid and SMARTS, omg*

I like how she's all "Aw, shucks, I'm just not feeling the love for her." Her = A HORSE. AND I'M THINKING OF WHAT TWO FEMALES DO.

And then my brain breaks into tiny pieces.

[romanyg.livejournal.com]

I read some of the wank. Why did I read? My brain. I should take your cue and read Sedaris instead.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

You should read Sedaris! It's happy-fun making! :D

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

The wank, it is delicious, and a nice contrast to the too specialized and not funny that's been on Oft wank, lately.

Julia, who promises never to do again what you've asked not done, and in the first comment, duh.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Is that put on pantyhose? Or eat a cheeseball? :D

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

All I want to know is where is the Mr. Ed/Wilbur fic?

(also, I think I laughed a lung up. and then bleached various parts of my body)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'm calling for Karen Silkwood showers all around. I'll bring the steel brushes, you bring the bleach.

[darlas-mom.livejournal.com]

"Roses are red, violets are blue. Horses that don't bone me get made into glue."

You win at life!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahahahaha. Wheee! When they give me such perfect set ups... :D

[anelith.livejournal.com]

I can't WAIT until Ron gets home, and the kids are in bed, and I can sit him down at the computer, and SHOW HIM THE HORSE WANK!!!! His eyeballs will fall out of his head... Heee! I'm literally bouncing in my chair at the thought of his reaction! I laughed, and I screamed a little (thank goodness I'm all by myself except for kitties), and I ewwwed, and just enjoyed myself down to the ground. Your punchlines too! "Bridle Suite!"

*giggles some more*

Good god people are amazing.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Chrissy and I (the BFF) have been on the phone ALL DAY laughing about this. We thought the horse-people topped out on the weird meter with the "horse play" which is when they dress up like horse and rider for erotic pleasure. With manufactures hooves and so forth.

!!!!

This COMPLETELY TAKES THE CAKE. The deformed, pulsating, mutated cake.

[maevebran.livejournal.com]

I thought it was the Scottsman and their sheep.

[semby.livejournal.com]

Holy hell at the horse wank! I just spent far too long at that wank roundup post following all the links. So wrong, and yet I couldn't... look... away. So much worse than a car-wreck!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, I completely agree. It's SO WRONG, and yet... I can't look away.

And now I know too much about various bacterium that can be transferred from horse to man and I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THIS STUFF.

[lynnenne]

I am crushed that Dovil has missed the horse wank. Horsies are HER THING. And she's from New Zealand! *weeps for what might have been*

DON'T EVER LEAVE US. *clings*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I EMAILED HER! She decided it was time for the world to be nuked. :D

I WILL NEVER LEAVE! Except for scheduled bathroom breaks and vacations, to be submitted to you in triplicate for approval.

[rahirah]

I just found out about this. And it was starting out to be such a good week, too...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Well, I see it like this: on those days when you think you're a little too into fandom, into your hobbies, etc. and start to wonder if it's getting weird?

You can think about this sad sack and feel good about yourself. *beams* you have to find the positive or you'll go crazy.

[st_salieri.livejournal.com]

Ha! I love this horse wank so very, very much. It's so deliciously over the top that my brain just kind of shuts off and makes stuttering noises.

And hi there!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_tayler/]

O.o

Some things are just So.Fucked.Up.!!!

But as always...you're sense of humor has made it bearable.
*whinnies*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*stamps ground*

:D