More Tales Of Stupid People!
Oct. 12th, 2007 08:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321Okay, it's gotten UUUUUUGLY around here, what with all the idjits and the racism and Rush Limbaugh/Ann Coulter "facts" (hint: Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter are liars. Did you know?) So how about we move into the realm of people so dumb, so witless, that you can't help but laugh and be pleased that you may be something, but you're not this stupid. YAY!
And remember: there's a reason why Florida has its own tag at FARK. (stories collected by the BFF)
1. A co-worker of the BFF (who works for a private firm that does nothing but gov't work - I'll let that sink in slowly) was arrested Wednesday for "armed robbery." 'Scuse, ATTEMPTED "armed robbery." (The quotation marks are important.)
a) he tried robbing a THEATER BOX OFFICE (get a visual, it's important)
b) and he used - not a gun - but NUN CHUCKS.
...
He jabbed the end of a wooden handle through the little slot that cards/tickets come through. And demanded all their money. NUN CHUCKS.
2. Her manager came into the office on Saturday to catch up on some paperwork - no one should have been there. He heard weird noises, and moved towards the nest of cubicles to investigate. A midget/little person (I know little person is preferred, but that is the word that sounds offensive to my ears, ack) popped up, clearly drunk/altered. He started ranting and raving for water. The manager pointed him to a water fountain. The person couldn't reach the fountain, so the manager had to pick him up and hold him to the water stream. ...this drunken, altered, raving stranger that broke in. !!!
3. Hallowe'en, a few years ago. One office worker, who has a beard and longish hair, dressed up as Socrates in a toga. The CEO walked into the hallway, saw a brown-haired (blue eyed *cough*) man in a toga, and believed Jesus the Christ was visiting him, presenting him with a vision.
...while taking care of some filing.
"And lo, the Alpha and the Omega didst continue his scroll organizing, never ceasing. And Peter doth asked, Lord, why dost thou sort them so? And the Lord spake unto him, saying, "For McK dost come before McL and divers other Mc names. And I tell you, Peter, that there are other flocks than these, and they shall hath a tool that will drive a small spear through parchment, holding it together, and it shall be called Stapler, and it will be glorious in mine sight." Book of Caucasians, 4:28.* not an actual book in the Bible.
4. A fellow co-worker who ROUTINELY got drunk every day after lunch and curled up under his desk for a nap. (Every. Day.) He was not fired for this. What he was fired for was getting drunk and DANCING on top of his desk. Because he could destroy company property. (But being drunk and napping on salary is acceptable.) Two months later he was arrested for fatally stabbing his roommate. Moral of the story: let the potential murderer dance on his friggin' desk. Or you know... lock him up. *scale hands*)
5. (and my personal favorite) One of her co-workers became convinced that he was possessed by demons, and it was affecting his work. (I mean, naturally, right? Demons aren't known for their time management skills.) He then proceeded to TELL THE CEO that he was a) possessed by demons and that b) it was hurting his performance in the office, and c) he required AN EXORCISM. (As one would.)
The CEO (and I imagine him sitting in his chair, fingers steepled under his chin) nodded and AGREED. Not only that, but the COMPANY PAID FOR IT.
...
I would pay dearly for the chance to see that requisitions form go through HR. Or to work in an office where Voo Doo falls under their covered health care plan. GOOD HELL.
Shoo wee. Feel better? I sure do. Have a fabulous weekend and remember, kids: we're all on this rock together. Play nice or maybe someone won't play nice back.
(Oh, whoops! I meant to ask if anyone else is having issues getting the new Radiohead DL? I can NOT get that site to work - it just hangs on me every time. BAH! I'm very much enjoying the few songs I've heard and I'm itching for the whole thing, dammit!!)
And remember: there's a reason why Florida has its own tag at FARK. (stories collected by the BFF)
1. A co-worker of the BFF (who works for a private firm that does nothing but gov't work - I'll let that sink in slowly) was arrested Wednesday for "armed robbery." 'Scuse, ATTEMPTED "armed robbery." (The quotation marks are important.)
a) he tried robbing a THEATER BOX OFFICE (get a visual, it's important)
b) and he used - not a gun - but NUN CHUCKS.
...
He jabbed the end of a wooden handle through the little slot that cards/tickets come through. And demanded all their money. NUN CHUCKS.
2. Her manager came into the office on Saturday to catch up on some paperwork - no one should have been there. He heard weird noises, and moved towards the nest of cubicles to investigate. A midget/little person (I know little person is preferred, but that is the word that sounds offensive to my ears, ack) popped up, clearly drunk/altered. He started ranting and raving for water. The manager pointed him to a water fountain. The person couldn't reach the fountain, so the manager had to pick him up and hold him to the water stream. ...this drunken, altered, raving stranger that broke in. !!!
3. Hallowe'en, a few years ago. One office worker, who has a beard and longish hair, dressed up as Socrates in a toga. The CEO walked into the hallway, saw a brown-haired (blue eyed *cough*) man in a toga, and believed Jesus the Christ was visiting him, presenting him with a vision.
...while taking care of some filing.
"And lo, the Alpha and the Omega didst continue his scroll organizing, never ceasing. And Peter doth asked, Lord, why dost thou sort them so? And the Lord spake unto him, saying, "For McK dost come before McL and divers other Mc names. And I tell you, Peter, that there are other flocks than these, and they shall hath a tool that will drive a small spear through parchment, holding it together, and it shall be called Stapler, and it will be glorious in mine sight." Book of Caucasians, 4:28.* not an actual book in the Bible.
4. A fellow co-worker who ROUTINELY got drunk every day after lunch and curled up under his desk for a nap. (Every. Day.) He was not fired for this. What he was fired for was getting drunk and DANCING on top of his desk. Because he could destroy company property. (But being drunk and napping on salary is acceptable.) Two months later he was arrested for fatally stabbing his roommate. Moral of the story: let the potential murderer dance on his friggin' desk. Or you know... lock him up. *scale hands*)
5. (and my personal favorite) One of her co-workers became convinced that he was possessed by demons, and it was affecting his work. (I mean, naturally, right? Demons aren't known for their time management skills.) He then proceeded to TELL THE CEO that he was a) possessed by demons and that b) it was hurting his performance in the office, and c) he required AN EXORCISM. (As one would.)
The CEO (and I imagine him sitting in his chair, fingers steepled under his chin) nodded and AGREED. Not only that, but the COMPANY PAID FOR IT.
...
I would pay dearly for the chance to see that requisitions form go through HR. Or to work in an office where Voo Doo falls under their covered health care plan. GOOD HELL.
Shoo wee. Feel better? I sure do. Have a fabulous weekend and remember, kids: we're all on this rock together. Play nice or maybe someone won't play nice back.
(Oh, whoops! I meant to ask if anyone else is having issues getting the new Radiohead DL? I can NOT get that site to work - it just hangs on me every time. BAH! I'm very much enjoying the few songs I've heard and I'm itching for the whole thing, dammit!!)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 01:33 pm (UTC)Your stories just get craaazier!
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Date: 2007-10-12 01:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2007-10-12 01:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 01:38 pm (UTC)TO WORK.
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Date: 2007-10-12 02:07 pm (UTC)Thanks so much, hun.
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Date: 2007-10-12 08:47 pm (UTC)Hahaha, the NUN CHUCKS. Talk about the worst thief ever...
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Date: 2007-10-12 02:14 pm (UTC)I guess that would make Texas the balls or something and California the asshole?
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Date: 2007-10-12 05:48 pm (UTC)[ /Californian ]
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Date: 2007-10-12 02:25 pm (UTC)Ow!Ow!Ow!Ow!
The Book of Caucasians needs to be filmed and shown every Christmas.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 08:49 pm (UTC)*waits for the fire and brimstone from the generalization*
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Date: 2007-10-12 02:47 pm (UTC)And lo, the Alpha and the Omega didst continue his scroll organizing, never ceasing.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I am eternally grateful for your brain.
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Date: 2007-10-12 08:50 pm (UTC)*g*
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Date: 2007-10-12 02:52 pm (UTC)I? Am never moving to Florida. Dear god.
You are awesome. These totally have made my morning.
Oooo, I should get RadioHead. Maybe next week, when I has money.
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Date: 2007-10-12 08:51 pm (UTC)(I was trying to give them the equivalent of 10 US dollars, but their site wouldn't work for me. Harumph. I'll try again tonight when the internet tubes aren't so packed.)
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Date: 2007-10-12 03:21 pm (UTC)God, I *love* the one about the exorcism... The company PAID for it!!!
*falls about laughing*
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Date: 2007-10-12 08:55 pm (UTC)I STILL cannot believe a COMPANY paid for an employee's EXORCISM. (And I wonder... did they have a Catholic exocism? Voo Doo? Haitian? Inquiring minds want to know!)
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Date: 2007-10-12 04:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 08:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 08:57 pm (UTC)MIDGET. Midget being HELD UP for a DRINK OF WA WA. WTF, Beth??
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Date: 2007-10-12 04:23 pm (UTC)Also duh, Stoney, OF COURSE Jesus has blue eyes. (D'you know, my old stake president who is Richard G Scott's brother told me in my college interview that he was pretty sure Jesus had red hair? I don't know why I just remembered that, but HAHAHA. Carrot Top Jesus!)
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Date: 2007-10-12 08:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2007-10-12 05:46 pm (UTC)Reality has jumped the shark.
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Date: 2007-10-12 09:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 05:54 pm (UTC)He then proceeded to TELL THE CEO that he was a) possessed by demons and that b) it was hurting his performance in the office, and c) he required AN EXORCISM. (As one would.)
I'm totally going to try that at my job. All the entertaining and hilarious people are gone, so now I have to make my own fun.
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Date: 2007-10-12 09:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2007-10-12 05:54 pm (UTC)COMPANY-PAID EXORCISM. !!!
I wish the show Maximum Bob (http://imdb.com/title/tt0138976/) was still on (or revived) ... they'd never run out of material!
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Date: 2007-10-12 09:06 pm (UTC)They PAID for an EXORCISM.
I'd ask them to help fund my unicorn-hunt every spring. And my dragon slaying training. I mean, it's not going to pay for itself...
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Date: 2007-10-12 06:27 pm (UTC)Hee, I just woke up from a nap, and most of this entry was me going, "Your BFF works at such a strange office..."
*re-reads*
Oh, wait.
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Date: 2007-10-12 09:07 pm (UTC)Mmmm, nap! I've been running errands all day and I'm so tired... *leans against you*
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Date: 2007-10-12 06:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-12 09:08 pm (UTC)Well, there's a reason Fark has its own tag. WOW.
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Date: 2007-10-12 07:43 pm (UTC)BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
And now, I shall weep for the state of some of the humanity in this nation, and on this earth.
(Though I think the funniest thing is your quote from the Book of Caucasians.)
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Date: 2007-10-12 09:08 pm (UTC)It's shocking in a way, the stupidity.
And in a way, it's not. Because I drive. :D
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Date: 2007-10-12 09:38 pm (UTC)2) I now need an icon with the entire Book of Caucasians on it.
3) EXORCISM?!
::dies and is dead from funny::
P.S - Think her company would pay for my resurrection?
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Date: 2007-10-13 07:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2007-10-13 01:40 am (UTC)I'm itching for the whole thing, dammit!!
You might want to check your email. *cough*
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Date: 2007-10-13 01:34 pm (UTC)I think you might have non-stop work in the panhandle of FL. :D
(AND THANK YOU AGAIN!!! <3 <3 <3)
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Date: 2007-10-13 02:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-13 02:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2007-10-13 03:14 am (UTC)Mind if I friend you? I think I could use this kind of entertainment more often. :)
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Date: 2007-10-13 01:38 pm (UTC)Oh, sure thing! Friend away. (I'm very loosey goosey about that sort of thing - just come and go as you please.)
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Date: 2007-10-13 03:36 am (UTC)(I will email you back with the important stuff, I swear. . . I just haven't had a chance yet)
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Date: 2007-10-13 01:41 pm (UTC)And can you believe some of this shit? Chrissy's started bringing a notepad to work to write stuff down. There's just too much. (Um, like a co-worker who broke the tub through the floor of her trailer, and her favorite thing to do while taking a #2 was to FEED THE POSSUM AND RACCOON THAT POPPED UP THROUGH THE HOLE TO VISIT HER.)
!!!
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Date: 2007-10-13 01:42 pm (UTC)And you can always count on good stories of stupid from FLAHrida. And good tales of b ackwater hijinks in the Delta.
Godd Bless America. (HAHAHA.)
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Date: 2007-10-13 07:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-13 01:43 pm (UTC)It's very pretty in some places, very strange in most. So... If you wanted to hit DisneyWorld, FL.'s your place. Otherwise, there's better places to see.
Like Antarctica.
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Date: 2007-10-13 07:47 pm (UTC)Mind if I friend you? Some of your posts are funny, and I'm always looking for music suggestions.
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Date: 2007-10-13 08:46 pm (UTC):D