Something that everyone should have learned as a kid.

[stoney321]

I've seen a lot of bad human behavior in the past few days. Not just the town hall meetings of childishness shouting to keep any reason from entering the debate on health care, but also a horribly smug snot-rag who wrote an article for the New York Times where she basically denigrated anyone who isn't a size 2 (um, that's a big fight you're picking, honey) and anyone that can't afford expensive jeans (see other fight, and do you think your teeny frame can handle two?) She apologized to the effect of, "Get over it." Actually , she told her readers to get their "panties out of a twist." Later, her bosses clearly told her to suck it up and play nice, so she wrote nice. Kind of. But it was obvious she was forced to write words she didn't mean. (Thanks handsomspeck for the link.)

Look. We all do dumb things at times. We all say stupid things at times. Most importantly, we all get things wrong at times. We have an opinion that is based on someone else's stupidity, or piss poor research on our own part, and we get called on it. Here's what you do, in case you didn't know/weren't taught.

You say, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that a) those words hurt you, b) I had my facts wrong, c) I was misinformed, d) I did something wrong." Pick one option or all of them.

You don't say, "Well, a) you are stupid, get over it, b) it shouldn't hurt you because I know someone that said my words were funny/cool/acceptable, c) get your panties out of your butt and chill." Because that leads to a fight. And guess which is SHORTER, QUICKER, and BETTER? "I am sorry."

(And here's the thing: you can say you're sorry to make the OTHER PERSON feel better, and that's what you can be sorry about: hurting a fellow human. And that means we let you stay in our club of BEING human. And not an ambulatory asshole, shuffling around spouting crap and using up our oxygen.)

This is crap I taught my kids, why can't grownups learn it? "I'm sorry." Two words to make it all better.

You're welcome.

And please go see my journalist friend Liz's journal where she is taking a poll on healthcare, both for US peeps and non. This is non-partisan. :)

If you'll excuse me, I'm off to do some yoga and find some zen. And I won't be turning on the news. OM.

Comments

[the-soul-of-wit.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'm 5'9. I wear an 8-10. Now I feel fat. What a raging bitch, someone give her a sandwich.

Do you have a link to her apology? I'd be curious to read it.

One of my ex's had a big problem with saying I'm sorry, it used to really grind my gears. The way I look at it, the universe is so much bigger than any stupid petty fight you could have with someone, and your time here is so short compared to how long the rest of the world will last, so you might as well get off your high horse and apologize once in a while.

/rant.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

You're 5'9" and wear an 8-10? Honey you're skinnier than Marilyn Monroe was, and MEN think she's the hottest thing ever, so I'd say you're doing terrific. :)

If you click on the person's journal that linked me, you'll see both of her half-assed apologies.

[the-soul-of-wit.livejournal.com]

Awww, thanks. I try not to be as squishy as the 132 pounder that talked to you at sky-diving ;-) <3

[fiveandfour.livejournal.com]

I was all full of rage the last couple of days over other people I've heard talking about this issue, so I'm going to have to pass on reading this one today. (Some Many jerk offs talking about how attempting to get health care in the US for all of its citizens is a form of tyranny? WTF? Complaining about the cost when what we're spending on one bomb could get about 100 people through a bout of cancer? And, oh crap, here comes the rage again...) Anyway.

I was browsing at the book store earlier this week and I picked up and read the blurb of a book that posits today's youth are turning into selfish, socially maladjusted idiots thanks to texting and MySpace, etc. I take such statements with a grain of salt, but I do agree that I've been seeing this shift away from common politeness lately. I think the age of the internet has separated a lot of people from the consequences of what it means to make hurtful, idiotic statements. There's no direct, immediate, in-your-face reaction to making some outrageous comment online as happens when you're actually looking at the people you're insulting - it all happens in this realm where you can simply walk away if you don't want to face the consequences. It's such a comfortable way of spouting off at the mouth, and I don't think the influence away from politeness is confined to our youth.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

The article I linked to isn't about health care, btw. I'm having to skip the debates now, because I'm just braced for upset.

I think you're right with people dismissing any sort of responsibility for their words online because of the safety behind anonymity. It's just getting worse.

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

Once again proving we are mfeo I left a message stating this exact same thing to the crazy racist writer chick of imfamy yesterday.

CLEARLY half of the world's problems stem from the fact that people's mama's didn't teach them how to behave.

"Sorry you got offended" is NOT an apology!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

WE ARE MFEO, BB. Did you really? I'd loooooove to know what you said.

And seriously, what the hell is wrong with parents that they're raising a generation of people who's catch phrase seems to be, "Pfft." Good lord.

[ipnotika.livejournal.com]

WTF is that lady's problem? Clearly she was forced to shop at JCP as a teen and is bitter about it, because she feels she deserved designer attire at that age. And OMG, the part where she complains that it took her forever to find a size 2? Welcome to the real world shopping experience of 95% of the population, biyatch -- only we're looking for 10s. You know, normal sizes.

I'm one of those that corrects kids' impoliteness at the store if their mother doesn't -- like, they run into me or are being obnoxious or whatever, and I'll gently and sweetly say something like "Oh! Excuse you!" and smile and they stare at me with big eyes and their parent yanks them away. Uh huh, because physical discipline is really reinforcing good manners.

And don't even get me started on health care!

Okay. I need some zen, too. :P

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Now, I don't care for JCP, either, just because it's not my style. But you can bet I had to shop there as a kid, but it's not like I'm going to denigrate an entire group of PEOPLE as a result. Jeeeeeebs.

And lol - the only bathing suits I could find here were all XS, and none of the M or Ls were available. SHe should go to China where the clothing sizes are way smaller than we have here in the states and be done with it. I'll even help her pack.

[ipnotika.livejournal.com]

All the Asian girls I went to college with shopped at the kids' Gap, and complained about how fat Americans are (all the while drinking frappacinos and eating Hostess cakes, kid you not). Maybe she should hang out with them?

You know what else drives me crazy? People that don't say thank you. How freaking hard is that? "Please", "thank you" and "I'm sorry" are the first manners you should learn as a kid, and you don't outgrow them! Even if you hate the gift, you still recognise the thought that went into it. We were "forced" to sit down and write thank you notes to everyone who gave us birthday or Christmas gifts:

Dear (so and so),
Thank you so much for the (item). (note something that you really like about it) (note some way that you will use it in the future) You were very nice to think of me.
Love,
me

Hate the ugly-ass pajamas your great aunt sent you? You say they're very warm and you know that you will be cozy on those cold winter nights. Duh. People that don't say thank you don't deserve presents!

[mumsisdaughter]

If person A doesn't say sorry for upsetting person B, then person B doesn't get to say, 'That's okay,' or even better, 'I forgive you.' By person A refusing to accept responsibilty and apologising, then person B doesn't get to accept the apology and sweep the whole thing away ready for a new start. We actually have lessons on this in primary schools here (UK) because children are not learning it at home. So sad.

[mumsisdaughter]

Thank you for the link to the healthcare poll. I left my comment under non-US.

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

I chalked it all up to you never find the size you need and you noticed it more when you don't find it. Like the whole, the iPod plays what I need, what I don't want to hear, too much Springsteen, etc.

Of course, that doesn't excuse being an ass or size shaming other women or not saying you're sorry.

And as a woman who's the same size as the article writer, you don't shop at JCP or other stores that are known to have larger sizes. There's also a reason I don't buy pants from the company I work for and it's not just the "diaper butt" effect of some of their bad styling.

[chrryblssmninja.livejournal.com]

I totally knew you were talking bout the JC Penney article even before I double-checked and clicked the link. I first read about it here: JC Penney is for the fat (http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2009/08/times_jc_penney_is_for_the_fat.html)

[kseenaa.livejournal.com]

Oh, I so posted on that poll. I always feel like americans have a hard time believeing me when I say that I pay near to nothing for health care here. And if I say anything bad about american health care I get jumped at. :-/ I am so spreading that poll around!