[personal profile] stoney321
So.... I seemed to pick up a bunch of new folks this week, hello! I know that a lot of folks don't click on people's journals and read Sticky Posts, so I'll just put some stuff out here with the understanding that if you clicked in haste and are looking for an easy out, I will not be hurt if you've added in vain. Or in vein. Or in vane. Stuffs:

I am married with three kids, one of whom has Aspergers, one with feet bigger than mine, and one that can tell you anything and everything you want to know about ocean creatures. I am madly in love with them, except for the times when I am looking to donate them for scientific experiments. I will tell you what many will not: motherhood is 80% shit and 20% bliss, and the job never stops and is dirty and hard. And you are told on Mother's Day that you're obsolete. Lol.

I will without warning throw out quotes from 80s comedies and not really expect anyone to get them. But a few will start laughing when I mention Bandy Bowlegs Button Butt, and that's what keeps me going, you guys. That and my Judge Smalls impression. And the knowledge that Ghostbusters is maybe the most perfectly written comedy of all time. EVEN TINA FEY AGREES WITH ME. (Which is why there are Ghostbusters jokes in every single ep of 30 Rock's first 2 seasons. No, really.)

I don't have sword hands. But I do have sword feet, and I would appreciate the distinction, and no, that's not a lisp-impediment when I talk about my sheaths. I'll give you a second. I use Twitter, but not a lot, mostly to get off a joke. I do things without irony - I don't have time for ironic love. I am the leading Mormon Vampire Authority on LJ, a badge I wear with irony pride. (Yep, that's me, and if you are just putting two and two together and you're all about the Sparkle, I'll understand if you leave a dust trail. Here are my LDS/polygamy tags, respectively.)

Without question, if you believe that Lolita is a "dark comedy," I believe that you should be strung up and beaten with a Lindsay Lohan. (I just think she could use the work.)

Um, let's see.... I usually won't post more than once a day, I believe in the LJ cut if it's more than a screen full, and I AM NOT INTO SPOILERS. I love my friends fiercely, like I love my hair, margaritas, nachos, my garden, and whatever else I'm spazzy about. I'm Texan before I'm anything, so take your Texan stereotypes and skedaddle. And while you're doing that, check out a Molly Ivins book. She's my hero, she and the late Ann Richards.

I have MASSIVE quantities of garden work to catch up on, including moving 2 literal yards of earth into some holes, building another retaining wall, smelling roses, washing my Perpy Derg and giving her a shave, and eating copious amounts of food. HAVE A LOVELY DAY. Do it. I'm totally the boss of you now. (Feel free to check my tags for anything else you might wanna know.)

One last thing! My inbox is BURGEONING with comments from the brouhaha, and I will get to replying to everyone, but I might need a breather before I do. Hopefully you'll understand; I certainly don't want anyone to feel slighted. I'm just... man, big response, that's all.
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Date: 2010-05-12 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kita0610.livejournal.com
Stop lying about the place your sword really lives, L.

I mean, FFS we're all friends here.

Date: 2010-05-12 03:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brunettepet.livejournal.com
How did you get those sword feet into pumps filled with marshmallows? Inquiring minds want to know.

Oh, Molly Ivins, how I miss her.

Date: 2010-05-12 03:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
STOP JUDGING ME OMG. If I'm not ready for people to know where I "sheath" my "sword," then I need you to respect that.

Just because I tuck-

GOD DAMMIT, KITA I DIDN'T WANT THAT PUBLIC. (LOL.)

Date: 2010-05-12 03:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
They were some huge-ass marshmallows.

God, no joke, huh? I would have loved to hear her take on the past few years of wtfery.

Date: 2010-05-12 04:04 pm (UTC)
ext_6368: cherry blossoms on a tree -- with my fandom name "EntreNous" on it (Default)
From: [identity profile] entrenous88.livejournal.com
This seems accurate and helpful to inquiring minds! And I need some nachos right now, is all I'm sayin'.

Also, *goes to look at derg peektures*, SALLY, SALLY, HI, GIRL, HIIIIII!

Date: 2010-05-12 04:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] luvxander.livejournal.com
I just think she could use the work

I thought Lindsay had all the work she could handle being the stripper pole in Vegas.

Purdy Puppeh!!

Date: 2010-05-12 04:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] druidchick.livejournal.com
i could so go for some nachos and margaritas. I need to pick up some tequila though. i know what i'm drinking this weekend.

Date: 2010-05-12 04:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kseenaa.livejournal.com
And hence why you rock. Damn, your good with words! X-D

Date: 2010-05-12 04:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com
motherhood is 80% shit and 20% bliss, and the job never stops and is dirty and hard Oh, well, NOW you tell me! Oh, wait, you told me that 6 years ago? Carry on.

BTW I dl'd Chrome and it's working like a charm. I was so excited that I clicked on a NPH clip from next week's "Glee," promptly cranked the volume to hear him rock out with Mr. Schue, forgot about the sleeping toddler in the room with me and woke him the heck up. But getting back to you, thanks for the tip, Stoney Two-Sword!

Date: 2010-05-12 04:32 pm (UTC)
ext_58378: proof of bisexuality by taking the integral of sex over the entire line (lipgloss)
From: [identity profile] maryaminx.livejournal.com
I friended you a while back after reading your Mormon Vampire posts, but never introduced myself. So, hi?

Date: 2010-05-12 04:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] joeb-abbitt.livejournal.com
I now feel compelled to re-watch every single episode of 30 Rock to prove this. Where did you hear this?

Date: 2010-05-12 05:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] threeringedmoon.livejournal.com
I friended you after reading your awesome posts with respect to victim blaming.

Date: 2010-05-12 05:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladycyndra.livejournal.com
You are my kind of person! I think we will get along just fine! SWORD HANDS!! As you know, I'm also a Texan so BONUS! I use a lot of exclamation points!!!!! AAHHH!!!! ^_^

Date: 2010-05-12 05:30 pm (UTC)
ext_15233: (Default)
From: [identity profile] prophecygirrl.livejournal.com
I did read the sticky, and friended you forthwith. (I do hope it was OK with you - it seemed like you had an open door policy).

I've been meaning to for a while, anyway, because we've been skittering on the edges of each other's flist for ages, and you've always struck me as pretty cool. With the latest kerfluffle, you became That Awesome Chick, and it was a done deal.

Now that I know you have sword hands, I know I was all kinds of right to do so.

Date: 2010-05-12 05:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
I failed to add my love of shopping for fun soda pops and popcorn and my unironic love for Bring It On, BUT YOU KNOW MY HEART!

Sally is napping soundly because I took her on a 5 mile drag, lol. I will pass on the lovings when she stops snoreing-sleep-woofing. :D

Date: 2010-05-12 05:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
ba dum bum CHING!

Date: 2010-05-12 05:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
Oooh, good reminder for me, too. MMM, NACHOS.

Date: 2010-05-12 05:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
*dork faces*

Date: 2010-05-12 05:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
YEAH AND YOU WENT AHEAD ANYWAY. Good thing that 20% is so awesome.

CHROME. I mean, such a simple switch, I'm still happy.

Date: 2010-05-12 05:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
Why, hello!

Date: 2010-05-12 05:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
GO FOR IT. Tina Fey mentioned that in an interview way back when. (for a period of five eps they used "Shut this down. Shut this all down" which never fails to crack me up.)

Date: 2010-05-12 05:37 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-05-12 05:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
TEXAS DESERVES EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!AMILLIONIOTY!!!

Date: 2010-05-12 05:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
Oh, I absolutely do, you are so lovely for reading! (I don't really have rules, I just... um, I swear a lot and stuff like that and don't want to get people freaked out, that's all. *g*)

We sure have been, re: flist dancing, and why thank you!

Sword hands, feet, one day I will + them to Vorpol. :D

Date: 2010-05-12 05:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com
LOLOLOLOL ALWAYS.

(Psst: it's from a random scene in Sixteen Candles at the party, some extra with a button-down-the-back miniskirt walks across camera and squats down, and she's all bandy-bowlegged and I always LOL when I see that scene.)
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