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stoney321I really hated that show. I hate those "oh noes, we've gone from bad situation to worse, hurr!" stuff and why? BECAUSE IT HAPPENS IN MY LIFE. Exhibit A:
This morning I wake up, stagger to the kitchen, grab the coffee filter, and open the front door to let the dog out and dump the grounds into the garden, and all hell breaks loose. Everything in my house that could sound an alarm, does. I have three kids that stayed the night (6 kids total) and they all wake up terrified, crying, thinking the house is on fire.
Here's the thing: I don't have an alarm system. I mean, there's one that came with the house, but we don't have an alarm service. So there's no code I can enter, there's no tech support I can call to figure out how to disarm this. The dog starts howling, the cats are moaning, and the kids are yelling at one another. My husband is TOTALLY unhelpful (and is also over 1200 miles away.) I find the number for the alarm monitoring service on a placard that was put in a window by the original owners. That # now goes to a sex hotline.
I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I try disconnecting the fire alarms, no good. I go to the main power source for the alarm (*remember, the power is out on the block) and disable the main power line for the alarm. That makes a Klaxon warning siren sound to add to the fun. Tripping the breaker to that part of the house does nothing, btw.
After 15 minutes and random button pushing, it all goes off. The power comes back on. I guess that these two things are related.
Two hours pass. The power cuts out again (they're doing rolling blackouts to help distribute power up here) and it all goes off again. Oh my effing gee. I look up the panel online (I still have my good ol' iPhone) and see that there's a tech support #. Aaaaaand they're no longer in business. Of course. My son decides to go to the garage and get a new jug of milk which sets off ANOTHER alarm.
I unscrew the control panel by the front door and there is a HORNETS NEST IN THE WALL.
SERIOUSLY. I am not joking. I find a tiny eyeglass screw driver, unscrew EVERYTHING from the panel/motherboard and that one goes silent. I go to all of the other boxes and do the same thing. I should mention that I have vaulted ceilings, so I can't reach most of the fire alarms to turn them off, but they go silent when I go back to my closet and remove every single wire to the alarm panel.
If ever there was a reason to drink, this would be it. It's not even noon yet. There are supposed to be brown outs all day long. I hope I got all of the wires, good hell. (Oh and the older cat, Hope, pooped in her fright. OK, that's funny, even I can see that.)
SEND DRUGS. AND EAR PLUGS. AND WARM WEATHER. AND AN ELECTRICIAN. [ETA] Heard from one visiting child's parents just now that they had a similar situation happen with their smoke detectors. At 3am. And 5am. They disconnected the fire alarms to keep them from triggering, and have everyone on High Alert to monitor any smoke, etc. Good lord, what a mess.
This morning I wake up, stagger to the kitchen, grab the coffee filter, and open the front door to let the dog out and dump the grounds into the garden, and all hell breaks loose. Everything in my house that could sound an alarm, does. I have three kids that stayed the night (6 kids total) and they all wake up terrified, crying, thinking the house is on fire.
Here's the thing: I don't have an alarm system. I mean, there's one that came with the house, but we don't have an alarm service. So there's no code I can enter, there's no tech support I can call to figure out how to disarm this. The dog starts howling, the cats are moaning, and the kids are yelling at one another. My husband is TOTALLY unhelpful (and is also over 1200 miles away.) I find the number for the alarm monitoring service on a placard that was put in a window by the original owners. That # now goes to a sex hotline.
I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I try disconnecting the fire alarms, no good. I go to the main power source for the alarm (*remember, the power is out on the block) and disable the main power line for the alarm. That makes a Klaxon warning siren sound to add to the fun. Tripping the breaker to that part of the house does nothing, btw.
After 15 minutes and random button pushing, it all goes off. The power comes back on. I guess that these two things are related.
Two hours pass. The power cuts out again (they're doing rolling blackouts to help distribute power up here) and it all goes off again. Oh my effing gee. I look up the panel online (I still have my good ol' iPhone) and see that there's a tech support #. Aaaaaand they're no longer in business. Of course. My son decides to go to the garage and get a new jug of milk which sets off ANOTHER alarm.
I unscrew the control panel by the front door and there is a HORNETS NEST IN THE WALL.
SERIOUSLY. I am not joking. I find a tiny eyeglass screw driver, unscrew EVERYTHING from the panel/motherboard and that one goes silent. I go to all of the other boxes and do the same thing. I should mention that I have vaulted ceilings, so I can't reach most of the fire alarms to turn them off, but they go silent when I go back to my closet and remove every single wire to the alarm panel.
If ever there was a reason to drink, this would be it. It's not even noon yet. There are supposed to be brown outs all day long. I hope I got all of the wires, good hell. (Oh and the older cat, Hope, pooped in her fright. OK, that's funny, even I can see that.)
SEND DRUGS. AND EAR PLUGS. AND WARM WEATHER. AND AN ELECTRICIAN. [ETA] Heard from one visiting child's parents just now that they had a similar situation happen with their smoke detectors. At 3am. And 5am. They disconnected the fire alarms to keep them from triggering, and have everyone on High Alert to monitor any smoke, etc. Good lord, what a mess.
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no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 05:30 pm (UTC)I do not even. Uhm. Want some of Maze's stuff?
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Date: 2011-02-02 05:36 pm (UTC)I just crawled through the closet and garage following every wire I could find that connects to this and unscrewed it. Jesus Jumped Up Cristobal.
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Date: 2011-02-02 05:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 05:44 pm (UTC)Also, I really need these extra kids to go home. That's just adding to the stress. OH, now that the power is back on, I can raise the garage door and get the car out! <-- this has been my morning. Yeah.
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Date: 2011-02-02 05:43 pm (UTC)But you know, it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Have some wine.
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Date: 2011-02-02 05:44 pm (UTC)HORNETS. Hornets.
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Date: 2011-02-02 05:51 pm (UTC)The only way the world could make this up to you is by sending you a large unexpected sum of money. And a cabana boy.
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Date: 2011-02-02 05:55 pm (UTC)I approve your plan, and would like to form a committee to sign it into action.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 05:55 pm (UTC)Have a better day!
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Date: 2011-02-02 05:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 05:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 05:57 pm (UTC)I don't think wine's gonna cut it. Get the kids involved in Wii or something and buy some weed from a neighbor kid*. Dude.
*crazydiamondsue does not normally advocate drug use or the delinquency of minor drug dealers, but we're talking hornet's nest, people
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Date: 2011-02-02 06:10 pm (UTC)As if it wasn't insulting enough.
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Date: 2011-02-02 05:57 pm (UTC)Why are they doing planned rolling blackouts/brownouts in your area? Is it because of the weather? And if so, why would they do that?
I guess I'm puzzled because I've never heard of such a thing (me so parochial) happening in the winter. It strikes me as huuuugely dangerous, especially to children, elderly, and the ill.
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Date: 2011-02-02 06:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 06:06 pm (UTC)*sends virtual positive vibes*
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Date: 2011-02-02 06:12 pm (UTC)Eff you, Universe. Eff you in the bee hole.
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Date: 2011-02-02 06:26 pm (UTC)And yes, booze must be had this day.
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Date: 2011-02-02 06:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 06:30 pm (UTC)Sheesh, way to wake up Stoney
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Date: 2011-02-02 06:35 pm (UTC)I think I may have gotten this under control, the next brown out is in a little bit.
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Date: 2011-02-02 07:02 pm (UTC)What a nightmare. I cracked up at the sex hotline bit, though. You really couldn't make that up.
I'm impressed that you held it all together. All that racket is just cruel and unusual punishment.
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Date: 2011-02-02 07:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 07:07 pm (UTC)Unfortunately, it reads like a comedy rather than the series of hair-tearing disasters it must have been, but that's the way we humans are, I suppose. It's our way of saying, 'Thank goodness, it wasn't me!' I can't send booze over t'internet so have a virtual hug, instead. I hope the next brown-out is quieter.
All supposing you declined the Casting Director's pleadings, who would you choose to play Stoney:Wonder Woman in the movie of your life?
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Date: 2011-02-02 07:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 07:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 07:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 07:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 08:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 08:26 pm (UTC)Your house is obviously posessed by satan. Have you thought about inviting Jesus into your heart?
And what is with the weather?? Snowapocolypse in America and between the floods and current windapocolypse in Queensland they can kiss that state goodbye. I remember when I was young the weather part of the news would take up three minutes, not be the lead story nearly every night.
We had a minor floodapocolypse recently and my ankles got slightly damp walking to the outside laundry. Where's my telethon? Where's mine?
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Date: 2011-02-02 10:24 pm (UTC)I will start a telethon for you ASAP. I should make sure that people make checks out to "CASH" and have them send them to me, first, though.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 10:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 08:55 pm (UTC)Uh. Oh god. I have now read your post. This sounds like MY LIFE. Except I never would have figured out how to get it turned off.
At least you're a ninja, so you were the best person to handle this situation?
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Date: 2011-02-02 10:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 09:08 pm (UTC)But only you could add in PHONE SEX LINE AND WASPS.
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Date: 2011-02-02 10:25 pm (UTC)SEX LINES AND WASPS. WTeverlovingF?
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Date: 2011-02-02 09:33 pm (UTC)I had to get Ron to read this post because your story was so incredible I knew I couldn't do it justice. I think I would have fled the house and run far, far away. Leaving all the kids, dog, cats to deal with it.
We all need some warm weather. This winter is just... I have no words.
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Date: 2011-02-02 10:26 pm (UTC)I am not supposed to have New England winters, NO ME GUSTA! I'm a hot house flower, unaccustomed to these cold winters in my native lands. :(
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Date: 2011-02-02 09:44 pm (UTC)I'll drink up bigtime for you, sweetheart. I'll drink for you, and I'll drink for Imbolc! May your evening be so much better than your morning.
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Date: 2011-02-02 10:27 pm (UTC)Waaaaah. *leans*
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Date: 2011-02-02 10:31 pm (UTC)Agree on the pot. Seriously, if you want your shoulders to ever come down.
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Date: 2011-02-02 10:45 pm (UTC)I'm about to draw a bath with some scented salts and pour a glass of wine, I'm hoping that chills me out. Bleh.
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Date: 2011-02-02 11:03 pm (UTC)I would say come to CA and escape the cold, but I'm pretty sure we're going to be rewarded with an earthquake to make up for the lack of snow. That's how this apocalypse thing goes, right?
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Date: 2011-02-02 11:25 pm (UTC)