Dear writers: (mostly of fanfic)

[stoney321]

Maybe this will help.

• occasion: there is no ass in an occasion. Or at least, there shouldn't be.


• pored over/poured over: pored over a story/words. Like you fell in because it's a big ol' nasty pore like on one's face. Pore=hole, pour=spill. You would have poured milk all over your cereal, you would have pored over the pages of a fantastic tale.


• then/than: then is time, than is a comparison. I then left to a drug-fueled orgy rather than attend church with Mother.


• its/it's: if you see an apostrophe SAY OUT LOUD: it is. Doesn't fit? Drop the apostrophe. It's quite simple: the gimp brought its cock ring to the occasion. We all pored over the instruction manual, then poured oil over its gears rather than the carpeting. The party went off without a hitch, regardless of the ass that came to this occasion. Who brings a donkey to a leather party? That's clearly unacceptable. (Tijuana/linen parties only, my lands!)

See?

When all else fails, READ WHAT YOU WROTE OUT LOUD. And please get someone else to read it before posting.

Love, someone who wrote "Hedwig and the Angry ITCH" yesterday and had another set of eyes catch it. It happens to all of us at some point. If you're doing the same thing over and over again every time? Make a point of getting a beta. It's not a sign of defeat or weakness, quite the opposite, actually.

Comments

[elizardbits.livejournal.com]

a small selection of my neverending list of this shit:

scrape goat instead of scapegoat
escape goat instead of scapegoat
prostrate interchangeably with prostate
loose interchangeably with lose
rice patties instead of rice paddies
peace meal instead of piecemeal
free rain instead of free reign

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Omfg for some reason loose/lose makes me insane with rage.

[elizardbits.livejournal.com]

It has gotten so fucking prevalent throughout fandom, not just in fic but in regular conversation, that when I see it used correctly in mainstream media I THINK IT IS A WEIRD SPELLING ERROR BECAUSE I CAN'T IDENTIFY THIS MYSTERIOUS WORD.

*weeps*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OMG, i saw loose/lose in a published article on, Huff Post? Washington Post? SOmething that made me reel back in horror and I thought about emailing them. HDYM/S!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOLOL. OMG, I'm always on the search for the misplaced prostrate inside a man, and UGH, loose vs. lose. I see that EVERYWHERE.

The things I just listed I found THIS MORNING in ONE story. (By a very intelligent writer, too! THey were just trigger happy, I suppose.)

[elizardbits.livejournal.com]

OMG ALSO. In my distant fannish past, I noticed that btvs fandom has a lot of female writers who think women have prostates. SIGH.

[a-mistletoe.livejournal.com]

I have problems with free reign and free rein. It depends if you are using an equine metaphor or regal. Free rein is the opposite of tight rein. I could be wrong (o;

[elizardbits.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I kind of feel like both are sensible turns of phrase, assuming the writer is aware of the difference, as you pointed out. Free RAIN just makes me lol helplessly.

[a-mistletoe.livejournal.com]

Oh that goes without saying!

oh oh!

[druidchick.livejournal.com]

for all intensive purposes!

and the worst of all time---

irregardless

Let's go back to school and talk about prefixes and suffixes and how they change words, shall we?

Also, slightly less annoying but still painful-

continue on

We can continue our journey. We can continue our work day. No need for that extra word! We do not need to continue on anything but our way.

[dancetomato.livejournal.com]

If you are British and writing a story about Americans in America, get an American beta to Britpick your story. If you are American and writing Harry Potter fic, get a Brit to Ameripick your story. This is the second J2 Big Bang I've read in as many days, both of which were clearly written by Brits. Good stories, but it throws me out of the story to be confronted with Jensen wearing a jumper.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

DITTO. It cracks me up to see "whilst" when in reference to an American jock, or the Brit equivalent error.

LOL and Jensen wearing a jumper. I bet he says "I say!" a lot and tosses of "cheers!" when he leaves his "mates" as well.

[drvsilla.livejournal.com]

PS:

Jensen -- in a Jumper!

[druidchick.livejournal.com]

I like reading about lorries and lifts and flats.

I blame Scholastic Publishing for this in the HP franchise. All the American editions of the books were Britpicked and edited to sound American.

[elizardbits.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there was one last year or the year before where Jared was constantly referring to his (Texan!) mom as "Mum". WHY YOU DO THIS, FANDOM.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Your oppressing my freedom of speach.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHA.

[a-mistletoe.livejournal.com]

I recently read a Spangel story where Angel pushed Spike towards the saprophagous. I immediately thought of you. I dread to think how the spellchecker got to that answer rather then the sarcophagus intended.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

WHAT ON EARTH?!?!?!?! Ahahahahaha! One of the better auto-checks ever. I blame cell phones. And poor childhood diets.

[drvsilla.livejournal.com]

I think you're the first person to ever 1/ notice these things with mild annoyance and 2/ point it out.

INTERESTING.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I FEEL LIKE A PIONEER IN THE FIELD.

[maybe1ce.livejournal.com]

And forgive my o
Otter apostrophe. Or, forgotten, even. Autocorrect does suck...as I just learned in an email, as my phone decided my name is properly spelt "labia.". Awesome.

[maybe1ce.livejournal.com]

Damn it! Poor nesting. I officially give up.

[maybe1ce.livejournal.com]

Also: "balling" ones eyes out--I do not think this word means what you think it means.

[bienegold.livejournal.com]

Peek/peak/pique is one of my big pet peeves.

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

http://txvoodoo.livejournal.com/tag/grammar

Especially THIS: http://txvoodoo.livejournal.com/1096432.html — it's from 2009 and we keep adding to it, to our deep sadness.

[mpoetess.livejournal.com]

Occasions that don't have asses are not worth attending, Stoney.

[herald-mari.livejournal.com]

>>occasion: there is no ass in an occasion. Or at least, there shouldn't be

Hey, you never know what the occasion might be. It might call for an ass. LOL!

And Hedwig might have an angry itch. Which would make me stay out of the way of owl talon and beak. ;)

But yes, amen, sister! The one that kills me (okay there's two) that kill me and will have me thinking about killing people with rusty sporks is there/their. (You're/your is the other one.) I see this in published work and I cry. Like Hedwig and his bad itch.

[captainofidiots.livejournal.com]

I want to print out this entire post on flyers and hand them out to everyone ever, omg. At the very least, to everyone on my Facebook. You're/your and there/their/they're makes me twitch a lot. Not alot, though, because that drives me crazy too. :)

[mrmonkeybottoms.livejournal.com]

So many people I talk to say, "I seen him yesterday" and it drives me crazy. :(

[anelith.livejournal.com]

I love those example sentences. <3

What kills me is how often I see mistakes like these in professionally published material -- newspapers and even books. For crying out loud, people, you need to PAY editors and copy-editors otherwise your writing will deteriorate into a mishmash of nonsense. And I do mean that because a few months ago there was an article in the Boston Globe that had a sentence I could not even parse. It made NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. I have no idea whether it was down to the reporter or maybe it was a typesetting error (if there is such a thing anymore). But someone should catch these things!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ha!

Oh, Anne, I have seen several of these in papers lately, too! I mean, sure. Blogs, etc., it's just a blog, mistakes happen. But in a published NYT article?! And we both know the horrorshow that Anne Rice's writing turned into once she deemed herself above editing. Yow.

I'm surprised about the Globe - I usually relax reading it, the standards seem to be pretty high there!

[druidchick.livejournal.com]

the post on my LJ wall right under this one--- wants a stagate story about the colonal.

The what??? Colonial!John? NO! You meant Colonel!John.

FCS.

anyway, I was lmao as I finished your post and was moving onto that one!!

If your writing makes my eyes bleed, I'm gonna stop reading. Not sure what fandoms you read, but luscious for Lucius Malfoy makes me batty.

withered for writhed- Yep, I'd wither under your touch too, you ignorant fuckwad.
defiantly for definitely

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

The 'it's'/'its' one drives me insane because it's so easy a rule to remember.

I also read a fair bit of BDSM and get perplexed by people in stories called the 'Dominate'. Er, that's what they do, not what they are...

[ladyvyola.livejournal.com]

See icon.

[nijireiki.livejournal.com]

"Segue." Just... "segue." When/if people know how to use the word, they insist on spelling it as it sounds, like the motorized scooter thing. IT IS NOT "SEGWAY," GUYS.

Inappropriate apostrophes in "y'all." YOU ALL. YOU. ALL. Not "ya'll." Not "yal'l."

The singular "they" as opposed to "one," "oneself," etc. when not meant to be a part of a dialogue or written from a character POV. Look, it's not grammatically correct. I know you may have been taught to sub in "he"/"him"/"his" when the gender of an individual is unknown, and, yes, it's hella sexist, but we already have a system in place for this. Just like when you're writing a scientific paper, get your passive voice all up and through that bitch.

"x and me" vs. "x and I," because the rule is take out the other person and see if it sounds weird. EX.: [King Weaselteat and] I walked on the Headpike Catwalk. The Hound stopped [King Weaselteat and] me from "falling" to [our] my death[s].

Lack of Oxford comma. I know in America it's "optional" and "extra" or whatever, but SCREW THAT, your sentence looks weird without it. It makes me crazy that the Oxford comma is also not standard in Spanish, because when I write compositions for my Latin American Lit class I always get marked down. FOR BEING RIGHT.

Misspelled medical terminology, particularly venereal disease. You do not have "sifylist," okay? You just DON'T. I'm pretty sure.

Also: this. (http://fyeahenglishmajorarmadillo.tumblr.com/post/6671956014/picture-background-a-six-piece-pie-style)

Things I am a-okay with: misspelled (http://missing-auctions.com/) eBay auctions (http://www.bargainchecker.com/). WHY YES, I WILL BUY YOUR THINGS FOR A FRACTION OF THEIR VALUE, DON'T MIND IF I DO.

[kseenaa.livejournal.com]

AKA get a beta. I know I suck with the then/then thing.... and the off/of thing. *shakes head* After all these years I still have problems with this. It isn't easy when english is not yoru first language, let me tell you. I do try though.