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[stoney321]

[ETA 2]I'm closing up the phone lines here at Jerry Lewis central. All of the cyber teasing has been tallied to the amount of $71.70 (at a nickel a grope, not too shabby.) I'm going to round that up to an even $75 and make a deposit to The Red Cross in the AM. See? Kerfuffles can turn out okay.
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I had three options for activity today: work on a project with a looming deadline, clean my messy house, read fandom_wank regarding psuedo gay straight women and their ramifications on the ecological impact of trangressive geopolitical wank. Or something. Came to a few decisions: people like using big words to sound smart, people don't like to say what's on their mind, and I'm going to stay naked on this LJ for charity. This is now a meretricious journal. Now??!

Example of number one: The granulation of the level of trangressive homoerotica to heteronormalcation can be directly inverted to represent the metrics of off-line behavior as invested in intraweb behaviors specific to the norms of oh my god are you still reading?

That translates to: you straight women with your licking and groping devalues my coming out of the closet and makes ME less cool. That's me saying what's on my mind. Women for millennias have been allowed affections with each other as our nature (gatherers, traditionally) have left us alone together as a group. Ever see lioness groom each other? I'd rather be faux groped than left alone in the cold. All alone. Like a dog.

Also, I am now naked. For charity. Here's the donation scale:

• gropes, licks = I give $0.05


• humps = $0.10


• showing me the meaning of "twoo wuv" = $0.15


• pinching my bum - $0.50


• gang bangs = $1.00


• fondling my boobs = $5.00 (my pretty boobs are tired, but you can raise money in other ways)

I'm not sure where I'll donate the money. This may be a huge joke.* And I want to have hard core, corn-cob sex with each of you and stalk you and kill for you and then be arrested and go to jail and become someone's bitch and be TAUGHT A LESSON. Uh huh.

[ETA] As of 69 (hee!) comments I have $60.70. *I'm sending money to the Red Cross, so jump on board and make it hurt! Then kiss it better. Post is open until tonight.

Comments

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

Dude, you so knew that was going to happen. (-:

It is possible for me to not be big with the whole gay thing but I knew your family was cool and, well, the gay scene is where I did all my politic-y work. I totally didn't bring it up (I don';t think, not the first tiem atleast).

Also, the biggest reason they might think we are dating is totally your fault. :-P When I was leaving you completely pulled the: "no Uncle, you stay inside, I don't need any help bringing my stuff in, I'll walk her out alone and bring the stuff from my trunk back inside" That is totally code for "I want to say goodbye to her *alone*" (-:

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

oh no, the conversation was totally cool. I know Bill particularly enjoyed it, he felt like he was back in Oberlin. and a few times the next day, around the stuffy side of the family, he said to me that he wished you could be around for it.

but dude, I TOTALLY didn't even realize I'd done the "let's go out and say goodbye" thing -- I really did need my stuff, but you are so right. *facepalms*

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

Your Uncle completely gave you a look when you did it and maybe asked, "you sure" too. Hee! I have years of practice at reading, and having subtext conversations.

(-;

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

None of these trips down memory lane are raising money, people.

Doesn't anyone want to show me twoo wuv?

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

Memory lane distracted me from fondling!?!

This is not of the good.

*fondles & snogs you*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Added to the tally.

*fans cheeks, not telling which ones*