'tis a confused wind blowing

[stoney321]

I hate the wind. HATE. IT. Hate being out in it, hate having my hair go into my mouth, then my eyes, then walking into stuff because I can't see. Hate having my clothes plastered to my body exposing my less than taut self. BAH!! No more going outside today. Which means no more THUNDERDOME, and I've been teaching Emily how to touch her toes. Boo! To get out of my grumpy mood, I'm going to spam your flists with lists! Whee!


Things I Don't Want to See on TV

• Fred Burkle: Snakemaster! (now if it was Lilah...)


• Clem and Snyder: The Love Continues (well, if it was modeled after Sonny & Cher, maybe)


• Shopping With Dawn! Get the tips and tricks of a pro!


• Cops: Sunnydale


• Charlotte's Web 2: Dead doesn't mean gone

Things I DO Want to See on TV

• Faith and Spike on a motocycle, fighting demons 'round the world


• The forgotten Shanshu episode


• The Xander in Africa show


• The forgotten "all nude" episode of Angel.


• Spike without the "sock"


• The 5 minutes that were cut from Buffy Season 3 when Angel comes back, nekkid on the floor and he stands up. Nekkid. Why's they cut that?


• The missing Troika episode where they re-make Star Trek and Jonathan and Andrew fight over who's going to play Spock, and Jonathan ends up as Uhura

• The abuse of the word "technology." Zip-lock^TM claims to have "yellow and blue makes green" technology. WTF?


• "Hand crafted burgers" No monkey paws!! ANd little old ladies knit burger cozies to keep them safe until you eat them.


• Buzz words like "metrics" "granulation" and "off line." I actually heard this in a meeting the other day: "Let's discuss the metrics of your proposal off line so we can determine the level of granulation in that report." Uh, we're a gardening group. Is that REALLY necessary? Dirt good, tree pretty.


• The misuse of the word "actually" and "literally." Listen to the TV. They use it incorrectly all the time.


• Y'all (not Y'ALL, though) not spelling that contraction properly. It's you and all. Knock out the "ou" and stick in an apostrophe. Read it spelled ya'll in a PUBLISHED BOOK.

This is bad. I'm NEVER whiney in my journal. Here's some funny from McSweeny's.

Pick up lines from Serial Killers

• Hey baby, you look so good in those jeans I 'd like to chop your legs off.


• Was your daddy a thief? I'm not. I'm a serial killer.


• If I said you had a beautiful body would you stop screaming?


• That shirt looks great on you, but it would look even better in an evidence bag.


• Will you run away from me somewhere romantic?


• Do you come here often? I don't, because I only leave my underground cave when the voice of Marilu Henner inside my head tells me I must prowl the earth for victims, or Jesus will hurt my dog.


• I love you.

GAH!! Forgot to mention that I found a stack of packages I forgot to mail! kita0610, sangueuk, vincitveritas, and mskakaako they were mailed this morning! Hence the being in the wind and crankiness.

Comments

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

Faith and Spike on a motocycle, fighting demons 'round the world

Oh, man, yes, so much yes (and I don't even love Spike).

I admit I don't put the apostrophe in y'all all the time, or even most of the time. Sorry. *prepares for 50 lashes with a wet noodle*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I would prefer no apostrophe to a misplaced one.

How kick ass of a show would that be? Leather and exhaust, baby.

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

darn, does that mean I won't be getting my lashing then?

leather, exhaust, ass kicking, leather, Faith pushing people up against chain link fences, leather.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

There's a trend in your words, but hell if I can find it....

Which just reminds me of a horrible joke: WHat do you get when you cross a helicopter, elephant, and a rhinocerous?

Heliphino. (Hell if I know. I explained that because it's a really difficult brain teaser. The wind beat my brain and it's broke.)

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

trend, what trend might that be? certainly not my thing for leather, couldn't be that!

and I like your joke. Have I ever told you my two bad/dirty jokes?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Go!

#1. a nun joke.

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

Two nuns are on a leisurely bike ride through a small town when they decide to take a detour up a long cobblestone road. When they get to the end of the road one nun turns to the other and says, "I don't think I've ever come that way before." And the other replies, "Must be the stones."

#2

[smashsc.livejournal.com]

Two housewives are out grocery shopping when they see a 20something guy buying flowers and they start reminencsing. Housewife 1 says, "My husband never buys me flowers anymore." Housewife 2 says, "Really? My husband bought me flowers on Monday." "What a wonderful husband you have, must be nice" "Not really. It means I'm going to have to lay on my back with my feet around my head for two weeks." The first housewife looks at the second with a shocked look and replies, "What, you don't have a vase?"