PLACEHOLDER FOR BREAKING DAWN RECAP

[stoney321]

I just got back. *inhales breath* AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THE RECAP IS POSTED.

Um, spoilers for the one person that didn't read the stupid book,

Yep. Bit that summbitch right open. People were grossed out. I wanted to hit them, because DIDN'T YOU READ THE BOOK?! LOL.

Comments

[manipulant.livejournal.com]

f5 f5 f5 f5 f5

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

it's up!

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

spoilers for the one person that didn't read the stupid book

I'm not the only one, Stoney. There's at least two of us, as the SO hasn't read them either. (Although he has watched some of the movies on TV because he was just. that. bored. Something I totally cannot understand.)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

whoops, I meant to say for the one person that didn't read the book and WANTS TO SEE THE MOVIE.

Also, it's up

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

EWWWWWWWWW

I mean, yes, it's in the book (or so I'm told; I haven't read that one), but UGH. But I was indeed curious if they were going to show that, so yay for you telling me so I don't have to think about it anymore.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

VERY GORY. People were so grossed out in the audience.

[evewithanapple.livejournal.com]

WAS IT REALLY FILMED IN BELLA-CAM? Inquiring minds want to know!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

but the recap is up!

[jerusha]

HEE! I can't wait until I can get my hands on a copy of the movie so I can hold another mocking party. Alcohol + snarky friends + Twilight = WIN.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

it's ready for you!

[mumsisdaughter]

Oh, you must have a stomach (and brain) of IRON, lady! Thanks for doing this 'cos I am living in dread of next Wednesday. A longtime friend of mine is also my movie buddy, now we are both retired. I picked 'Immortals' this week and she's picked 'Breaking Wind/Dawn' for next week. Yes, she's even read the books! When we caught the trailer a few weeks ago, I scoffed and told her there was no way I'd inflict that on my sensitivity-cells but OMG, it's gonna happen! I just know your fabulous spoilers will make the whole experience easier for me to endure :)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I do! Oh, it's so mockable, I was very amused. And it's up!

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

That was actually the only part of the series I found remotely compelling. Then again, I'm the girl with the crush on Angelus.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

hahaha, you mean, the one time they acted like vampires? I like it, too. LOL.

[ladyvyola.livejournal.com]

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

I eagerly await your mocking!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

'Tis posted, link up top!

[anniemare.livejournal.com]

**dances around** WOOHOO! can't wait for the recap!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Wait no more, the link is there!

[ruthless1.livejournal.com]

You are a brave soldier. I don't know how you sat through that but thank you for recapping it for me so I don't have to. I think this series and tuberculosis could be removed from the universe and we would all be better off.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

"this series and tuberculosis could be removed from the universe and we would all be better off"

LOL!

[fishwithfeet.livejournal.com]

BUT WHERE'S PART TWOOOOOOOOOO???? *wails*

[elizardbits.livejournal.com]

part two comes out next year or something, i think?

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

I didn't read any of the books. You did that for me and most of my friends. Thanks for that.

[quietlyboloney.livejournal.com]

I AM SO EXCITED HE BITES OPEN HER UTERUS, I WAS GOING TO GO ON STRIKE IF HE DIDN'T

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

TWO BITES! BIG SHOT OF HIS HANDS IN SOME INTESTINES/GUTS, TOO!

[brainchild129.livejournal.com]

Oh god, that recap was awesome. Mostly I kept cackling at the description of the OH SO ROMANTIQUE honeymoon, because the idea of him running away from Bella comes off far less like "O NOEZ I WILL HURT YOU TORMENT ANGST WOOOOOEEE" and more like "EW WOMAN. IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO MARRY YOU AND TOUCH YOUR LADYBITS, BUT NOW YOU WANT ME TO DO IT AGAIN? NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO FIND RICARDO AT THE BOOM BOOM ROOM...er, I MEAN READ AND KNIT AND DO WHOLESOME NONSEXUAL THINGS. YES."

Your description of his flashback doesn't help. "Yes Bella. I sucked lots of men back then. I sucked them hard. I sucked them dry. I loved every moment of -" "That's nice Sparkle Boy. DO ME NOW." "GAH, MUST BE OFF TO STALK ELSEWHERE KTHNXBYE."

Not to mention the sheer dumbfounding idea that a guy who's been an eternal teenager for most of a century HAS NO IDEA HOW BABYMAKING WORKS. And apparently has never had so much as a wet dream, much less a wank, during that time either.

I may have to see this when it hits the dollar theater for the lulz and to soak in the horror.

[shannon-f-r.livejournal.com]

"EW WOMAN. IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO MARRY YOU AND TOUCH YOUR LADYBITS, BUT NOW YOU WANT ME TO DO IT AGAIN? NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO FIND RICARDO AT THE BOOM BOOM ROOM...er, I MEAN READ AND KNIT AND DO WHOLESOME NONSEXUAL THINGS. YES."

+1. This is the only explanation that makes sense.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

I was really curious about that bit in the movie!! But never so curious that I'd go see it myself. I must admit I'm kind of surprised that they had the guts (ha) to be that explicit in that scene.

Did you laugh a lot while you were watching, or just quietly snicker to yourself so that the truefans in the audience wouldn't lynch you?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, I had to keep it down, because I didn't want to be killed, zomg!! They were REALLY INTO it. I would have been most unwelcomed.

[voodoochild9.livejournal.com]

I left a big ol' comment on your recap and I figured that I should post the rest of my spiel over here before it engulfs everything. :P

Its weird, the tonal shift from all the books before "Breaking Dawn" its like a safe teen love story to something out of David Croenenburg movie. I still maintain the theory that S. Meyer was all over and done with the "Twilight" series because she stamped on her perfect happy ending with a NO BABIES ALLOWED stamp but the FANS clamored for more Twilight, a perfect wedding and a baby and wah wah wah waaaaaah! until she was like "FINE! I'll give you a flipping baby!" Never mind that vampires in this universe can't: Bella can...because she's special. Ergh.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Pah, you can leave all the comments there that you want - a lot of people subscribe to comments, so they'll want to laugh and talk with you. :D

I still maintain that Breaking Dawn is the most honest thing she's written, and was building up to her own passive-aggressive rage at her husband and culture for her being married and baby'd so young.

[quietlyboloney.livejournal.com]

"Her feet are going to get fat. And she is going to want all the pillows now. And she is going to cry for no reason and be really hot, no, wait, she’s really cold, and just go back to the store and get her some damn ice cream. Deal with it."

"She touches Bella, whispers “death” and goes back to scrubbing lime scale."

"Emmett turned off the Net Nanny so there are lady parts shown, and Edward is too much of a gentleman to look at that."

"starts having sex on him"

This is so glorious, I have been excited to read this. I finally saw the movie tonight. It was a fucking masterpiece.

The wedding scene was so AWKWARD. "Make contorted faces at the camera the whole time you're walking down the aisle." At least they somehow managed to make her dress look as good as possible within Smeyer's ghastly constraints.

I was disappointed that there wasn't direct teeth to uterus action, but at least we got what we did, plus a more satisfying sex scene.

All in all, it was enjoyable. And now I can read all the reviews!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ha!!! I'm glad you got to read and laugh with me about this movie. It is seriously MSTK3 material, right???

<3