In which I almost passed out from rage

[stoney321]

because of Top Chef Texas. (Day late, but I had to feed a family yesterday, cut me some slack.) Chili cook-off. Wait, let me fix it: "chili" cook-off.

BRISKET IS NOT THE CUT OF MEAT FOR CHILI. What on earth. The whole family spent yesterday scratching our heads about that. (Well, not my mother in law, because she's from Illinois and makes carrot dimes and tries to eat ribs with a knife and fork.) We've made chili from chuck, from tenderloin (cow, boar, buffalo, and deer) and a whole armadillo (I was sad, though, because armadillos! They're a state animal! *sad face* And cute. But the vatos at the hunting lease swore by it, and it was muy delicioso.)

The recap went up this morning, and I kinda sorta go off. I'M SORRY, BUT THIS IS THE FOOD OF MY PEOPLE.

Yesterday was a success, no one was snotty or rude, I didn't wash any dishes, and everyone enjoyed the food. My brother and law and his wife stayed the night with us and we're going to relax all day and visit, and it's a fine, fine day.

Hope everyone had a good holiday/Thursday and that today you're not doing anything taxing like battling weirdos with pepper spray in the Wal-marts. Funny thing: pepper spray is REALLY expensive. So good job on getting deals by spending crazy money on a weapon? IDIOT.

I saved a wee drowning mouse in the pool this morning, and because of that, I get to take a life, right? That's how that works, save a life, take a life? Beware, hobo clowns! I'm on the prowl.

Comments

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

What I love about the pepper spray article are some of the comments, like this one: What's the big deal? Fox News said pepper spray was just a ''food product.''

and
And that's not all! With each canister of pepper spray you get this state-of-t­he-art gas mask!

Also, you're carrot dime rage cracks me up every time.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OMG, food product. TIME TO CULL THE HERD.

And you know, bad food - careless waste because of stupidity and lack of taste - is SO AGGRAVATING TO ME. One of my biggest pet peeves is food waste, so carrot dimes are just OFFENSIVE. :D

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

This is not sarcasm, but a real question. How are carrot dimes food waste? Do you mean because you don't want to eat them or is there something wasteful about the prep?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Because they are inedible. They are horrible tasting. HORRIBLE. No one eats them because they taste foul. So it's a waste because they get thrown out at the end of dinner because they are DISGUSTING.

FOR ANYONE THAT DOESN'T REMEMBER MY MANY MANY RANTS ON CARROT DIMES:
1 bag of frozen carrot "coins"
1 can Campbell's Tomato soup
1 diced red onion
Put all in a zip lock bag to "marinate" [do not thaw carrots before] for 24 hours, remembering to turn the bag once or twice.

Heat until warm, watch people cry when forced to eat.

THAT IS DISGUSTING FOOD.

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

:) That's what I thought you were referencing -- the digustingness. For some reason I got confused that maybe there was something about the actual creation of carrot dimes that was wasteful because I'm brain dead today.

I like them, but then my personal take on them is thinly sliced from a fresh carrot to add to a salad or something (though usually I'm lazy and just use my peeler to "shred" a little.

*pets you* If I could, I would protect you from the nasty carrots.

I love carrots. That's why Carrot Dimes upset me.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

YOU LIKE FROZEN CARROTS SOAKED IN TOMATO JUICE AND RED ONION!?

I...I might have to break up with you, Sal. ;)

Re: I love carrots. That's why Carrot Dimes upset me.

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

I have to say I've never had such a concoction. And I think the combination is pretty scary. I just mean, I like my carrots sliced crossways into little disks (among other ways of serving). Prior to your MIL's "recipe" that was my perception of carrot dimes.

Please don't break up with me! I'll do anything to make you love me again. ;)

[tapati.livejournal.com]

That is disgusting but not what I associate with the words "carrot dimes." I've never heard of doing that to the poor defenseless carrot.

[ahestele.livejournal.com]

Brisket in chili wtf? Rant away, dude. That is just WRONG.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

PROFESSIONAL CHEFS. 13 OF THEM. Well, 12 of them. The girl from Houston knew to use chuck.

Talk about a waste of a perfectly good brisket and a perfectly good opportunity to make a pot of chili!

[ladycyndra.livejournal.com]

Wtf? No! Not brisket for chili UGH!!!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I AM STILL SO EFFING UPSET ABOUT IT, OH MY GOD.

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

Brisket? What the fuckity fuck? You're kidding, right?

*runs to read the re-cap*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

NOPE. WISH I WAS.

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

3 bean chili? I just...can't even.

GROSS.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

3 bean soup? YUM!

...that isn't chili, though.

[teh-dirty-robot.livejournal.com]

Granted, I'm not from Texas, but there's a chili place near me that serves a brisket and bean chili that's so delicious, I would want it for my last meal if that were the sort of thing one could plan in advance.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

DOES. NOT. COMPUTE. I love brisket. LOVE brisket. But...chili? I cannot fathom.

ALSO NO BEANS IN TEXAS CHILI, ZOMG. ;)

[teh-dirty-robot.livejournal.com]

True, that's why they also serve a "texas red" style without beans (and no brisket, either!). :D

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

That just sounds greasy and nasty (I have Brisket Issues, my lord). My best chili of record was an armroast pot-roasted with garlic, cumin, and chipotles and then stewed with fresh pasillas, yellow onions, more cumin, and a few other random secret ingrediants (and then made into burritos, but I digress).

I've been interested in the ruthless attention to important details this season: bouncing the first guy in the elimination episode for bad butchering technique and then last week getting rid of the guy my daughter was calling Black Hagrid for flour tortilla "enchiladas" and buying frozen cooked shrimp.

Julia, my winter standard NW working class chili starts with (dry-aged single source home raised) ground beef and includes either Rotel or Rotel like substances, but still takes four hours of cooking.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ooooooh, brisket is one of my faves. If you cook it long enough, it's not greasy, I've found, but hey, YMMV.

At least you know about Rotel, that's a key ingredient. ;)

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

I wonder if it was the mouse Maze chased out of our garage the other day. I wouldn't let him kill it. Maybe he just wanted to go somewhere warm and chillax in a pool in the sun?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA. Well, it was quite cold (for us) last night and the pool is about 62? But s/he survived to scamper for another day!

[tabaqui]

Now, see, i don't actually like chili at *all*, but that's because of the horrible, horrible, horrible legumes. But watching TC, i see that 'real' chili doesn't *have* legumes!

Which is awesome. So maybe i *do* like chili!
Except i'm a total wimp and don't actually like 'hot' things, so....

Padme looked very *pretty* on the horse, but she didn't seem terribly comfortable on it, heh. And i liked how they were all 'we're assholes' at the judges table. Yes, yes you were.
*snerk*

Mouse! I'm glad you saved it. Poor thing.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

REAL CHILI DOES NOT HAVE BEANS.

Meat + flavor * hours = TEXAS CHILI.

I cannot believe no one is as affronted about the LIE about Fritos as I was. I MEAN THEY ARE FROM SAN ANTONIO WHERE THEY WERE SITTING.

[tabaqui]

Heeeee!
I had to read your review to get the Fritos thing - i don't even remember anyone talking about where Fritos are from! *Why* would they talk about where they're from? Weird.

I hate beans, so much. Dear gods. Horrible little pellets of *death*.

[rocketlaunching.livejournal.com]

I dunno, man, there are some styles of ribs that you could use a knife and fork if you wanted.. Like Arkansas or St. Louis style ribs.

So I googled what carrot dimes were.. and your journal is like the second result. Are those like those circular pieces of carrot that we got served in elementary school? If so, I agree with your rage.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Young lady, god gave you fingers, and you will use those fingers and pick up your damn ribs and gnaw on them. And I don't even BELIEVE in god.

I posted my MiL's recipe up there under Moosesal's comment thread. HORRIBLE HORRIBLE THINGS. (Also, lol at me coming up in Google, hahaha!)

[tapati.livejournal.com]

Carrot dimes involving tomato soup is a weirdness of your mil, not a truly Midwestern thing. Most of us simply put butter, salt and pepper on our carrots like normal human beings. A few adventurous people might try honey-ginger glazes and the like. I don't know anyone who would combine them with tomato soup or even tomato sauce like that (unless there are other veggies in a pasta sauce but it wouldn't be carrot dimes or coins or whatever, but diced). (I was born and raised in Iowa.) We also ate ribs without a knife and fork.

Your mil is just crazy. But then, you knew that. :)

I also didn't understand why they were all fighting over brisket even though I'm vegetarian. I also know you don't use beans in a chili cook-off in Texas, unless it's a vegetarian chili cook-off.

[tapati.livejournal.com]

Oh and FRESH carrots, not frozen. Frozen does something very weird to their texture.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, I do not believe the recipe is anything other that my MiL not being able to cook, period.

NO ONE SHOULD EAT RIBS WITH A KNIFE AND FORK. It has built in handles for your HANDS.

Ahahahahahaha, Vegetarian Chili Cook Off In Texas. Boy, if that's not a unicorn, I don't know what is. :)

[tapati.livejournal.com]

http://veggiechilicookoff.com/

There be unicorns! ;)