First, the Top Chef Finale's recap is up at Hey, Don't Judge Me. Let's keep discussion there to spare people of spoilers, okay?

Second, as we have some shows winding down, I'm looking to add new ones to the stable of shows at HDJM, and am looking for new writers.

Here's what to do, if you're interested:

  1. Email me at heydontjudgeme[at]gmail.com, subject header: NEW WRITER:[show you want to recap]

  2. send me a sample of a recap for the show (if it's a show that hasn't aired yet, pick another show with a similar vein, ie: mystery for mystery, sci fi for sci fi, etc.) It only needs to be a few paragraphs long, like a scene or two, just enough to give me an idea of your writing style

  3. WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR: conversational writing. Imagine telling a long-lost friend about the most amazing thing they're not watching.

  4. Also: understand that I EXPECT a 24-hour or less turn around time. Consistently being late means getting the boot. Sorry, but we're moving into pro-territory here, and I expect my writers to piss excellence. :D


And if it's a returning show, I'd love for the new writer to be willing to go back and sum up previous seasons, if possible.
Yesterday I got an email wanting to know about advertising. I get a lot of spam for HDJM and debated replying with our rates, before thinking, eh, go ahead. Well, am I ever happy that I did because it was a rep from Lacoste. So I'm waiting to hear back from them about which option they're going for. *cries* Also, I'm now in need of someone that could show me how to add a banner under the existing banner in my Coraline Theme on wordpress. I need to insert CSS code, I'm pretty sure, but I'm not sure how. I can always look it up, but GOSH it would be great if anyone already knew how?

THEN. THEN!! For those of you that watch SouthLAnd, Shawn Hatosy (Sammy) - his DAD contacted me this morning, thanking me for our recaps, and specifically because we have fans that discuss the show in a positive way. That we're the only recap site he's found that does that. *grateful sobbing* Also, a whole mess of new folks came out of nowhere yesterday and brought up some AMAZING discussion points in comments. I love how smart our readers/commenters are.

TODAY! I have a gaggle of things to look into to get this business to actual make a profit, enough that I can do more than just sustain the site's costs, but pay the wonderful women that write the recaps. (Like that alliteration?) You can always drop a l'il something in the tip jar, or visit our advertiser's websites - which is also a HUGE support to us. (They see we drove you there, they stay with me, I can charge for more ads, etc.)

Also, Top Chef Texas, the Penultimate Ep's recap is up, and I'm not even going to act like I'm not slap happy and went bananas in the recap. :D

Excerpt:
Sarah made Five Greens-filled Pasta with Garlic Chili and Spice Sformato/Gin, Kumquats, Mango cocktail (Again, I'd be all over that drink, but that's definitely a summer sip. The Sformato is frozen solid in most cases, and that pissed Gail off. She rolls up her sleeves and threatens Tom with a knife when Tom says, “Well, we said ice!” Gail presses the dull blade to Tom's neck and says it should still be edible. Two security guards pull her back and give her another drink. Emeril is on his fourth and looking rosy-cheeked.)


WHEE I AM HAVING A GOOD DAY, FOLKS.
She smells AWFUL. I think she is rolling in a dead animal. But where is the dead animal? In case you failed to realize how gross dogs are, there's your reminder. They set aside special time to really lick their butts. Like, candles and slow-jams special time. You know the scene in the Muppet Movie when Steve Martin unscrews the wine cap and lets Kermit sniff? Dogs would do that with their butt holes if they had opposable thumbs. They would walk around with their unscrewed buttholes offering their particular vintage to anyone. (Cats just jam that shit in your face.)

Proverbs 26, people. Dogs are grody. (I wish she didn't have such a sweet face. I want to hate her for smelling.)

HEY WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT TOP CHEF NOW? Everyone? That makes sense; I set the stage so well...

Speaking of my website, we had a BANNER DAY yesterday: over 22,000 hits. In about nine hours, to boot. THAT IS AWESOME. Thank you, everyone, for supporting my ladies! I'm so glad that shows like Spartacus and Ringer are getting a lot of attention. (Not to mention Merlin, SouthLAnd, etc.)

What cracks me up is how people find us. Top Search Terms: lots of dirty words, so under the cut they go! )
Okay, gonna wash the dog in vinegar and then go find what is making her reek. MY LIFE IS TRES GLAMOROUS, NON?
Man, I loved that show. If only to sing along with the theme song. And if you don't know that I love Pee Wee's Big Adventure (and am not even ashamed that I can quote it top to bottom; Phil Hartman helped write the script!) then you don't know me at all. *cries* (Um, and please note that Pee Wee invented the iPad. Ahem. Okay, the concept. Still. <3)

So Pee Wee was on Top Chef Texas last night (and as I got together with a friend and we stayed up drinking and talking until after midnight - cry! - I've been racing and playing catch-up all morning. HERE IS THE RECAP.

Ringer is back, and Janey is on those recaps again. Make with the "like" and such to show appreciation, muchas gracias! <3
SouthLAnd - loads of people reading the recap, but no one wants to talk to me? Why do you hurt me, internet friends?
Merlin is soon to be up, so be sure to share love with Melody!

I am so hungry I could eat your face. I won't. But if something doesn't appear soon, it could get ugly, just be prepared.
(That's me. I'm the loving friend! SURPRISE! But first...)

FIRST: Top Chef! - The Recap Oh, my heart was broken in the "Last Chance Kitchen" series online (I won't spoil you. Also, I used Invisio-Text on the website) but I continue to stand by my other alliances.

SECOND: A Plea. I don't know if you realize that a lot of ratings are done through social media, but they are. Glee? They knew it was a hit because of how crazy it was on Twitter, Tumblr, etc. That's the new medium for a new generation of viewers. Nielson's are going away, social networking is the new gauge.

This is also true for, say, start up websites like mine. So when you share links on your blogs, on your tumblrs, tweet them, post to facebook... That brings a TREMENDOUS amount of traffic and interest in our site. And when you bring interest to our site, that includes great things like...investors and advertisers (they don't want to spend money on a site that doesn't get a lot of traffic, you see.)

Because here's the goal: I am trying to make a place for writers to earn money doing thing they love - talking about shows they love. It's all love there, there's no hate, no bashing... We love what we watch and we love talking about it in a fannish way. That's where we're different from, say, TWoP where they hate some of the things they recap/review. And who doesn't want more fannish love of things in media?

(And psst! If I can get paid advertising on my site - don't even mention Google Ads, they are DEAD TO ME - if I can get paid advertising on my site, I can not only pay the girls that work so hard to bring you entertaining reads, but we can join the TV Critics Association. We'll be legit. ALSO: WE WILL GET TO GO TO THE CONVENTIONS WHERE NEW SHOWS ARE DEBUTED. And finally get screeners! And talk to the writers, producers, and actors! Which means we can bring YOU recaps and discussions faster with inside information! BUT STILL IN A FANNISH WAY.

How awesome is that? And here's how easy it is: click "Like" on the bottom of recaps. Click "+1" while you're at it. Make with the clickity on Twitter. Share it on Reddit or Tumblr. Please link to us on your LJs, your facebooks. It's a button click, for the most part, and it helps us out TREMENDOUSLY. Please?

In the worlds of Bartles & James (omg, I am old) We thank you for your support. :)

THIRD: Someone took some quotes from "Where There's Smoke" and made some fun art around them. Very cool!

Links!

Jan. 23rd, 2012 11:05 am
I officially am not going to talk about last week's events any more. So please, no more phone calls, no more emails, no PM's. I TRULY appreciate the generous support, but surely you can understand why I would want to move forward and not rehash things that are painful, yes? Thank you.

Links for you! At Hey, Don't Judge Me, the latest recaps for:
Merlin (These are seriously awesome recaps, btw)
Vampire Diaries
SouthLAnd
and Top Chef.

SPARTACUS IS COMING BACK SOON. Hoarders is tonight, as well! And The Bachelor is full of CRAY CRAY, gang. Yay, TV! HEY WE JUST HAD OUR FOUR HUNDREDTH POST! Whoo hoo!

On LJ, you should read this story, "I'll Fly Away." [livejournal.com profile] flaming_muse and I have talked for a few months now about how Kurt is always on the edges of the group, distancing himself. And his clothing and accessories have been telling a subtle story, as well. Here's the story behind all of that. (I love character studies that further the arc along. LOVE.)

ION, I had to take a muscle relaxer last night because something I'm writing gave me such a tension headache that I couldn't kill it with BC Powder (aka, cocaine. Um, that's what my MiL thinks it is, I don't actually use cocaine.) I use meth, come on. (NO I DON'T FBI PERSON.)

Yes I do. (NO. STOP IT.) I can't help it. (YOU ARE ARGUING WITH YOURSELF IN PUBLIC.) Shit.

Hey! How about them Giants? Eli Manning: one day I will spit in your open mouth, and I will be a better person for having done so.
Previous episode here, and last night's is here.

Non spoilery excerpt: "In the most amazing aside in Top Chef history, we take a trip back to Sgt. Handsome’s Malibu abode, where it is filled with pictures he’s painted of boobs. NO, REALLY. Huh. So he’s not gay. He’s really into the ladies. See? See all of the tah-tahs with their rosy tips? Damn, son. It’s like he was weaned on Nagel and velvet paintings of hookers.

I am having wine for dinner. I am tore up with the tired. (Markham, merlot. half the price of the cab, every bit as tasty. Open it a half-hour before drinking, it's fab.)
One, I'm catching up on Top Chef: Texas recaps. It's slow going because I thought I could get the recipes names off the website. NOPE. They don't put them all up. So Week 8 is here (and last night's will go up later this afternoon.)

Two, I have been talking myself out of buying the sexiest damn pair of boots I have ever laid eyes on (they are walking around-able, even!) because they are one thousand dollars. I do not need to buy myself $1000 boots, not with children that will (we hope) go to graduate school. BUT THEY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. It's like the boot fairy said, "Everything Laura likes, let's put in this one shoe." And then Mafalda swooped in and cursed it by making them so expensive. [/obscure reference] I'm married to a finance guy and we pay for everything in cash. Everything. No credit carried over from month to month. I'm going to NYC for a week, I want to spend my money on things there. *Cries* /First World Problems

Three, I had a fake argument in the shower earlier (doesn't everyone do that?) where I imagined being shitty to a woman that was rude to me yesterday.

Me: Hey, bitch, I bet I can do more push ups than you. Come on. *flexes*
Her: Ehn flehn fleurgh. (she was a whiny-type)
Me: Oh, and they have to be prison-style
Her: What's that?
Me: Naked and with a dick in your mouth.

That was when I started laughing and dropped the soap.

ION, I bought new lovely bras at Nordstrom's after getting refitted and have dropped down a strap size, but not cup size. THANK YOU, P90X for being the ONLY WORKOUT that doesn't make me lose my nice rack. *preens* 32DD, hells yeah LOL.

Dumpling soup time!
Top Chef Texas last night... CRY. Except for how it was about cooking game! And there was a wall of tequila! Mmmm. Recap is now live.

Sam posted her American Horror Story recap, and she'll be working on Sherlock this weekend. YAY!

I am so stuffed up today, it's ridiculous. I'm cotton-headed ninny muggins. And I. Don't. Like it. I'm going to try and get started on holiday shopping today, because I'm a big ol' loser that hasn't done ANYTHING. Sorry, kids. Eh, we're not religious, so I guess that's okay? Whoops.

It's a day for either hot and sour soup or some spicy Tom Kha.
Ze Recap is up for you! I'm sorry, but they STEAMED STEAKS. No. NO! Also, my absolute FAVORITE OF ALL CHEFS was the guest judge - he owns the restaurant that I took [livejournal.com profile] swmbo to when she was in town on business. He even came over and chatted us up. (She agreed that it was one of the best steaks of her life, btw.)

It is taking me twice as long to type things on this weetiny Netbook that I'm borrowing while my computer is repaired. The screen is minuscule, and I can't help it, I miss my big HD 17" LED. *cry*

I'm about two hours behind on the things I need to do today. But I will NOT skip my workout, because I had a big ol' cheeseburger yesterday. Mmmm, it was a buffalo burger, too. NOM. And fries, so salty, so delicious.

In case you missed my post last night, I have an outstanding fic rec for you. Click the green triangle to go back one.

[ETA] The Mr. just told me I have a massage scheduled at 1. A two hour massage. So. No workout. \o/

Quick Link

Dec. 1st, 2011 10:18 am
since I posted, like, three times yesterday. BUT THEY WERE ALL IMPORTANT POSTS.

Top Chef: Texas, the recap is live! (I'm so amused that they went to Highland Park. Lovely racist, snobby community there. Better not show any Mexican-Americans enjoying the food there - maybe because none of the chefs can do the food justice? IDK, but I'm bothered.)

But some of that food was redonk, and I wanted to nom it.

Okay, yoga, and maybe some writing. I am just burned out, I think. (Almost 130K last month, not including LJ. THAT IS A LOT. I think I used all of the words up. =/)
because of Top Chef Texas. (Day late, but I had to feed a family yesterday, cut me some slack.) Chili cook-off. Wait, let me fix it: "chili" cook-off.

BRISKET IS NOT THE CUT OF MEAT FOR CHILI. What on earth. The whole family spent yesterday scratching our heads about that. (Well, not my mother in law, because she's from Illinois and makes carrot dimes and tries to eat ribs with a knife and fork.) We've made chili from chuck, from tenderloin (cow, boar, buffalo, and deer) and a whole armadillo (I was sad, though, because armadillos! They're a state animal! *sad face* And cute. But the vatos at the hunting lease swore by it, and it was muy delicioso.)

The recap went up this morning, and I kinda sorta go off. I'M SORRY, BUT THIS IS THE FOOD OF MY PEOPLE.

Yesterday was a success, no one was snotty or rude, I didn't wash any dishes, and everyone enjoyed the food. My brother and law and his wife stayed the night with us and we're going to relax all day and visit, and it's a fine, fine day.

Hope everyone had a good holiday/Thursday and that today you're not doing anything taxing like battling weirdos with pepper spray in the Wal-marts. Funny thing: pepper spray is REALLY expensive. So good job on getting deals by spending crazy money on a weapon? IDIOT.

I saved a wee drowning mouse in the pool this morning, and because of that, I get to take a life, right? That's how that works, save a life, take a life? Beware, hobo clowns! I'm on the prowl.
Also, PeeWee Herman comes on this season. I'm happy. Recap!

Also, Melody has the latest X-Factor recap waiting and Janey has Ringer's recap up.

IDK about any of you, but I still feel drained from over-squee. You know what would help? Taking a drink from a Hey Don't Judge Me mug. Just how I roll, yo. :D

How is it already noon?! CRAP. I feel like I'm running behind on everything today.
One dude from Seattle soaked rabbit in adobo. I want to marry him, and I will even gladly mop the floors (the one task I hate above all others) for him to cook for me.

I'm talking about Top Chef: Texas. Which we've added to our recaps, and I'm doing them. Yes, I needed more things on my plate, what? COME ON, THEY ARE IN MY HOMELAND. I did go off on them ignoring Houston, which has uh-may-zing food - the city is crazy diverse, so you can eat anything and it's going to be delicious. WHATEVER. Also, they stupidly filmed it in JULY. So they never went outside, apparently (not that I blame them, it was a record-breaking summer. 110+ every single day during their filming. Oy.)

Man, I love food. Which makes the fact that I've not had breakfast yet redonk. Oh, egg and spinach omlette, I will nom you soon.

Melody will have her X-Factor recap up soon, for those of you following along.

A cold front moved in last night and it's a properly chilly day, so I'm slow cooking a venison stew with a Cote du Rhone (pretend I put the hats on the appropriate vowels) reduction mixed in and did I mention I love food? Also, Happy Endings, Max rubbing his face on the sandwich, whispering, "Steaktanic" had me laughing pretty hard. And getting hungry. And wanting to kiss his face. While eating Steaktanic.

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