THE MOST HORRIBLE THING EVER TO HAPPEN IN THE HISTORY OF EVER

[stoney321]

But I should mention that "it" is not real. It only lives in my paranoid thoughts.

So, for the past, oh, two weeks I've been sneezing. I don't really do that, normally. I'm pretty healthy - hearty and hale, that's me! And when I say sneezing, I mean my kids counted me sneezing 12 times in a row, I caught my breath, and then I went off again another 12 times. Lather, rinse, repeat. Nothing I do helps, no nasal spray, neti pots, shoving crayons up there, nada. (And I have nothing new in my house to be an allergen; it must be something outside, IDK and MOVING ON.)

This morning I read on GAWKER that some poor woman went to the doctor for an itchy ear and there was a spider living in her ear canal oh dear god flame the side of her face and save her soul. Pretty much my worst nightmare. Well, my worst nightmare is a grasshopper handing on my face and stabbing my eyeball with its disgusting pointed foot.

AND NOW ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THAT I HAVE SINUS GNATS. Like, you know when you walk through a cloud of midges and snort sharply through your nostrils to make sure they don't fly up there? WHAT IF I DIDN'T DO THAT ENOUGH AND NOW THEY ARE LIVING IN MY FACE.

If this is true, I will allow the doctors to submerge my body into a lake of lava face first, because I am not coming back from that emotionally sound, you feel me?

Comments

[dovil.livejournal.com]

Relax, it's probably a brain tumour.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

You know, I *have* been smelling burnt toast and orange peels lately...

You're probably right about it being a t

[dovil.livejournal.com]

That's my girl! Even in the throes of a brain exploding death you can still find the wherewithall to slump forward and hit the 'add comment' key.

I'll hold dear that your last thought was that I was right, and also by implication, awesome.