Happy Anniversary! And more FIC! WHOOOO!
Oct. 10th, 2005 10:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stoney321Today is the one year anniversary of Wee!Spike. Why do I know this? Why so I even care? Because it was inspired by my loving, very Mormon family and several hours of perfectly chaste dinner conversation. That's how broken inside I am, y'all. And? Had them all over for dinner yesterday. I'll go into THAT another time. But let's just say that I felt the need to freak out in fic again.
Now, I like to think I started the whole metamorphisis into unrecognizable characters, ie: 5 inch Spike who cries and sings the Ramones. Or an Angel who turns into Scarlett O'Hara. But then, I also like to think I have no fat on my ass, that I have a lovely singing voice, and on really bad days, that I invented the wheel. And today I feel the need to do it yet again. So: if you get offended by poking fun at fandom at large, GO AWAY. Won't hurt my feelings. But this might hurt yours. And now I give you:
SEAHORSES IN LOVE - A SPANDER TALE
And you should all endure my banner because it is the LYNCHPIN in my fic, OMG. Are we still doing banners? I don't know this stuff anymore.
Title: Seahorses in Love - A Spander Tale
Author: Duh. Like anyone else would change Spike or Xander into anything NOT Vampire and Human. Wait... Inspired by a lazy Sunday morning with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dovil where we laughed and cried. But mostly laughed. And had brunch.
Rating: pH of 7.2 - slightly alkaline
Disclaimer: OMG, this is beautiful. And my art. And my soul. And if you can't get behind this... HA HA!! You have brains and I salute you. If you are offended by this silliness, you should also calm down and step outside and engage in real life. Because dude: this is what I DO. Surely you aren't just figuring this out? If so? OMG don't read. It'll just confuse you.
Distribution: Are you on crack? And why haven't you passed the dutchie on the left-hand side?
Beta: HA HA HA HA HA!!!
And now... SEAHORSES IN LOVE - A SPANDER TALE
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
"I hate you!" Spike-horse telepathically shouted at his girlfriend, Buffy the Spiny Urchin. "I hate you more! Now bang me!" she thought back at him. Her needles were puffed out, and she was ballooning towards poor little Spike-horse.
"Gah!" he thought, and shed a single perfect tear, and sped away from the kelp, and from the very scary and very mean Buffy, the Spiny Urchin. Why can't I find true love? What with hiding from morons who want to grind me up and turn me into an aphrodisiac, hiding from the hideous and disgustingly heterosexual Buffy, the Spiny Urchin, I feel like I could just stop my gas bladder from inflating and end it all, the little Spike-horse woed.
"Hey," someone thought out. Spike-horse whirled by lashing his tail and found... Another seahorse. Right. In. Front. Of. Him. But this was no ordinary seahorse. This one had flowing locks of chocolate brown hair. (Once a wrapper from a candy bar floated past the kelp where he lived and Spike-horse learned about chocolate.) Spike-horse had assumed all seahorses had punked-out platinum, bleached-blonde hair. He felt a stirring in his brood pouch.
"H-h-hey," he mentally stammered, wondering if the sea cucumber, Tara, was rubbing off on him. Spike-horse swished his pectoral fins in greeting; he was a friendly seahorse. "What's your name?" he wondered in his neural groove that served as his brain. Seahorses don't have vocal chords - they are very thinky aquatic creatures.
"I'm Xander, but call me Sander. For some reason. I don't have hands, just these coronets and cheek spines, so I can't write or anything. Or speak. We're talking to each other mentally. Cool, huh? What's up with that? And aren't girls gross? I pretend to like girls, but really? I'm all down with the anal fin. If you know what I mean."
Spike-horse didn't. But the stirrings in his brood pouch belied him. THEY BELIED HIM. As Spike-horse was a friendly sort, or rather, he didn't have a mean trunk ridge in his exoskeleton, he let himself float up to his new buddy and then stroked his snout to Sander's.
Something... changed. Shifted. Altered. Metamorphisized. He suddenly realized why he didn't really care about Buffy, the Spiny Urchin, even after all their time together. Aside from her needles, and that she made herself buoyant all the time when Spike-horse approached her for coupling causing her to bounce away like a beach ball, but because Buffy, the Spiny Urchin, didn't have ANAL FINS. His posterior orientation had changed with a single moment. He longed to run his facial spines in that wavy brown hair. To snuggle on a coral reef and watch the jellyfish play.
His watery life, it seemed, had changed in an instant.
"Um, in a very short time, and for no discernible reason other than your looks, I seem to have fallen in love with you, Sander," he meditated.
"You know, it's weird, because I'm currently involved with a puffer fish named Anya, which is strange, as they normally eat seahorses, but..." Sander shrugged his dorsal fin while telepathically speaking, "But, yeah. I know what you mean. Hey, um, some random chick seahorse gave me her eggs, but I feel compelled to give them to you. I know it's forward of me to ask, me just swimming by here a few minutes ago, but... I feel really sure about this. Which is strange? Because I'm totally the waffle king." An Eggo-Waffle box had sunk to his corner of the ocean not too long ago, and thereby Sander had learned the word "waffle."
Spike-horse's eyes became heavy lidded, and his head rolled back as his anal fin rose in acceptance. Sander swam close and stroked his anal fin against the blonde seahorse who had won his three hearts. Their vents opened, and after a sensual dance of fin and tail and ridged spine, Sander deposited his eggs into Spike-horse's brood pouch. He glowed with fatherly beauty.
"Sander?" he thought, because hey - no vocal chords, "Sander, the lining of my brood pouch will nourish our children until I expel them out into the sea, where only 2% of them will have a chance for survival. But we will love and cherish those 2%, won't we?"
Sander floated side by side with his new and perfect love, curled tails, flared his gills, and mentally delivered the one sentence that Spike-horse had waited to hear his entire life: "Yes."
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waiter and please: try the fish.
And you can defriend me without regrets at this point. No worries. :-D
Now, I like to think I started the whole metamorphisis into unrecognizable characters, ie: 5 inch Spike who cries and sings the Ramones. Or an Angel who turns into Scarlett O'Hara. But then, I also like to think I have no fat on my ass, that I have a lovely singing voice, and on really bad days, that I invented the wheel. And today I feel the need to do it yet again. So: if you get offended by poking fun at fandom at large, GO AWAY. Won't hurt my feelings. But this might hurt yours. And now I give you:
And you should all endure my banner because it is the LYNCHPIN in my fic, OMG. Are we still doing banners? I don't know this stuff anymore.
Title: Seahorses in Love - A Spander Tale
Author: Duh. Like anyone else would change Spike or Xander into anything NOT Vampire and Human. Wait... Inspired by a lazy Sunday morning with
dovil where we laughed and cried. But mostly laughed. And had brunch.Rating: pH of 7.2 - slightly alkaline
Disclaimer: OMG, this is beautiful. And my art. And my soul. And if you can't get behind this... HA HA!! You have brains and I salute you. If you are offended by this silliness, you should also calm down and step outside and engage in real life. Because dude: this is what I DO. Surely you aren't just figuring this out? If so? OMG don't read. It'll just confuse you.
Distribution: Are you on crack? And why haven't you passed the dutchie on the left-hand side?
Beta: HA HA HA HA HA!!!
And now... SEAHORSES IN LOVE - A SPANDER TALE
"I hate you!" Spike-horse telepathically shouted at his girlfriend, Buffy the Spiny Urchin. "I hate you more! Now bang me!" she thought back at him. Her needles were puffed out, and she was ballooning towards poor little Spike-horse.
"Gah!" he thought, and shed a single perfect tear, and sped away from the kelp, and from the very scary and very mean Buffy, the Spiny Urchin. Why can't I find true love? What with hiding from morons who want to grind me up and turn me into an aphrodisiac, hiding from the hideous and disgustingly heterosexual Buffy, the Spiny Urchin, I feel like I could just stop my gas bladder from inflating and end it all, the little Spike-horse woed.
"Hey," someone thought out. Spike-horse whirled by lashing his tail and found... Another seahorse. Right. In. Front. Of. Him. But this was no ordinary seahorse. This one had flowing locks of chocolate brown hair. (Once a wrapper from a candy bar floated past the kelp where he lived and Spike-horse learned about chocolate.) Spike-horse had assumed all seahorses had punked-out platinum, bleached-blonde hair. He felt a stirring in his brood pouch.
"H-h-hey," he mentally stammered, wondering if the sea cucumber, Tara, was rubbing off on him. Spike-horse swished his pectoral fins in greeting; he was a friendly seahorse. "What's your name?" he wondered in his neural groove that served as his brain. Seahorses don't have vocal chords - they are very thinky aquatic creatures.
"I'm Xander, but call me Sander. For some reason. I don't have hands, just these coronets and cheek spines, so I can't write or anything. Or speak. We're talking to each other mentally. Cool, huh? What's up with that? And aren't girls gross? I pretend to like girls, but really? I'm all down with the anal fin. If you know what I mean."
Spike-horse didn't. But the stirrings in his brood pouch belied him. THEY BELIED HIM. As Spike-horse was a friendly sort, or rather, he didn't have a mean trunk ridge in his exoskeleton, he let himself float up to his new buddy and then stroked his snout to Sander's.
Something... changed. Shifted. Altered. Metamorphisized. He suddenly realized why he didn't really care about Buffy, the Spiny Urchin, even after all their time together. Aside from her needles, and that she made herself buoyant all the time when Spike-horse approached her for coupling causing her to bounce away like a beach ball, but because Buffy, the Spiny Urchin, didn't have ANAL FINS. His posterior orientation had changed with a single moment. He longed to run his facial spines in that wavy brown hair. To snuggle on a coral reef and watch the jellyfish play.
His watery life, it seemed, had changed in an instant.
"Um, in a very short time, and for no discernible reason other than your looks, I seem to have fallen in love with you, Sander," he meditated.
"You know, it's weird, because I'm currently involved with a puffer fish named Anya, which is strange, as they normally eat seahorses, but..." Sander shrugged his dorsal fin while telepathically speaking, "But, yeah. I know what you mean. Hey, um, some random chick seahorse gave me her eggs, but I feel compelled to give them to you. I know it's forward of me to ask, me just swimming by here a few minutes ago, but... I feel really sure about this. Which is strange? Because I'm totally the waffle king." An Eggo-Waffle box had sunk to his corner of the ocean not too long ago, and thereby Sander had learned the word "waffle."
Spike-horse's eyes became heavy lidded, and his head rolled back as his anal fin rose in acceptance. Sander swam close and stroked his anal fin against the blonde seahorse who had won his three hearts. Their vents opened, and after a sensual dance of fin and tail and ridged spine, Sander deposited his eggs into Spike-horse's brood pouch. He glowed with fatherly beauty.
"Sander?" he thought, because hey - no vocal chords, "Sander, the lining of my brood pouch will nourish our children until I expel them out into the sea, where only 2% of them will have a chance for survival. But we will love and cherish those 2%, won't we?"
Sander floated side by side with his new and perfect love, curled tails, flared his gills, and mentally delivered the one sentence that Spike-horse had waited to hear his entire life: "Yes."
I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waiter and please: try the fish.
And you can defriend me without regrets at this point. No worries. :-D
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
lol
Date: 2005-10-10 08:31 am (UTC)PS. When are we going to see the Stoney/Doovil love pics? When! Sorry, :)
Re: lol
Date: 2005-10-10 09:07 am (UTC)pics! OMG, DON'T RUSH ME!!! *wets pants*
:-D
Re: lol
From:Re: lol
From:Re: lol
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 08:36 am (UTC)Well, it's working, if forno other reason that I now have sesame seeds up my nose.
Love them zoologically correct seahorses!
Julia, not looking forward to a week when I'm outnumbersd by the blue-eyed drama queens here
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:09 am (UTC)If you can't get off on seahorses with anal fins and brood pouches with salinity... I just don't want to read that porn. I mean, I have standards, Julia.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 08:50 am (UTC)It really, really hurts to sporfle a Chik-Fil-A chicken biscuit. Really.
Also, I love you. Marry me?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:09 am (UTC)OKAY. *buys tuxedo*
:-D
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 08:52 am (UTC)(Once a wrapper from a candy bar floated past the kelp where he lived and Spike-horse learned about chocolate.) Well, duh. 'Cause you can't do believable Spander without it. You're only observing the rules of fiction, of course.
"I'm Xander, but call me Sander. For some reason. I don't have hands, just these coronets and cheek spines, so I can't write or anything. Or speak. We're talking to each other mentally. Cool, huh? What's up with that? And aren't girls gross? I pretend to like girls, but really? I'm all down with the anal fin. If you know what I mean." Anal fin!!!
"Sander?" he thought, because hey - no vocal chords, "Sander, the lining of my brood pouch will nourish our children until I expell them out into the sea, where only 2% of them will have a chance for survival. But we will love and cherish those 2%, won't we?" Diez. Literally - there are tears streaming down my cheeks. I'm trying to laugh quietly and I'm making farting sounds with my lips. You have pleased me greatly.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:06 am (UTC)*flares gills at you to TURN YOU ON*
I am so happy to make you laugh. Hooray! Chocolate brown hair and eyes. And flukes.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 08:59 am (UTC)It's like I'm really there, you know?
And Spike-horse would so do that!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:10 am (UTC)I know I can.
:-D
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:12 am (UTC)I have been WORRIED about you!!
I'm glad I could make you laugh (I bet you could use one). *cuddles you and the girls, makes you food and does the laundry and cleans the house and hugs you more*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:15 am (UTC)*displays on shelf of GOLD*
*nods* This was perfect, wasn't it? I am a GOD.
And your icon is making me weep with joy.
hee hee!! *wants to PLAY with you today!*does*
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:07 am (UTC)Buffy the Spiny Urchin
HAHAHAHA! There oughta be a show named after her.
He felt a stirring in his brood pouch.
*diez laughing*
*hearts your brain with my ded heart*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:17 am (UTC)Next up: Angel the clam and Connor the little irritating sand particle that turns into a PEARL. *omg they are mfeo!*
*Beams at you with perfect understanding of LIFE and LOVE*
(no subject)
From:Jacque Costeau is hard right now.
From:Re: Jacque Costeau is hard right now.
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:28 am (UTC)::dies:: I love this so very much it's scary.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:33 am (UTC):-D *passes the bottle of whatever I'm taking*
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:34 am (UTC)That said, BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Sander floated side by side with his new and perfect love, curled tails, flared his gills, and mentally delivered the one sentence that Spike-horse had waited to hear his entire life: "Yes."
*cries happy tears*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 09:35 am (UTC)I COULDN'T CHEAT YOU.
*pulls velvet robe higher on my shoulders*
Hee hee!
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 10:05 am (UTC)I have to say, this is the very best seahorse porn that I have EVER read! :)
His posterior orientation had changed with a single moment. He longed to run his facial spines in that wavy brown hair. To snuggle on a coral reef and watch the jellyfish play.
*giggle* It's true love! :)
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 10:23 am (UTC)And? This is the most anatomically CORRECT seahorse porn ever written, I'm pretty sure.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 10:11 am (UTC)And what kind of ocean is this with the waffles and the chocolate the float by? And um you got any extry waffles and chocolate?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 10:22 am (UTC)And he was TOTALLY going for his soul and wouldn't have forced his anal fin in her valve without her consent, OMFG.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 10:12 am (UTC)Best. Seahorse Story. Ever. I especially love the VERISIMILITUDE to actual seahorses. It BELIES your greatness. Heeeeeee.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 10:21 am (UTC)For lo, the gods formed the crust of the earth, and then it cooled, and a small creature crawled fromthe primordial ooze and became ME.
AND I THEN SHARED MY GENIUS WITH THE WORLD.
*diverts blood to flukes, flares them at you*
*in a completely sexual way*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 11:03 am (UTC)And you've totally stolen my idea for fall_for_fx! Whatever shall I do now? Yeah, right!
Buffy the mean Spiny Urchin!!! Anya the Pufferfish! Bwahahaha!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 12:12 pm (UTC)AWESOME. Hee hee!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 12:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 11:48 am (UTC)I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waiter and please: try the fish.
Mmmmm...the trunk ridges are crunchy!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 12:04 pm (UTC)HI! Oh, sure, sure, my g-grandpa was polygamist, so they're TOTALLY down with it.
*bakes a cake, washes linens to prepare for new brides*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 12:08 pm (UTC)When I clicked on this minimized one, and saw the manip, and OMGWHATTEHFRELLISTHAT???
*cries* You hurt me, Stoney. You hurt me bad.
And dude, you can't stop the
SignalSpander. Even when they're seahorses, I find myself rooting for them to get it on.no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 12:24 pm (UTC)Heee! OMG, their love is so wet!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 12:47 pm (UTC)Good stuff. You're on a roll today. Now get off of it because I want to eat some bread. "I jus lak the bred"
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 02:11 pm (UTC)I remembered! I remembered!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 01:06 pm (UTC)edutational and porntastic
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 02:12 pm (UTC)*pokes you to make you giggle harder*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 01:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 02:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 01:39 pm (UTC)Think of the Angst!!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 02:14 pm (UTC)OMG. Maybe Spike-horse will use Buffy, The Sea Urchin's spines to cut himself! WOE.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 01:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 02:18 pm (UTC)*makes crown of syrup for waffle king*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 02:20 pm (UTC)I think that sums up most people. It's because I am BROKEN INSIDE. and thanks, sweetheart!
*hugs you, keep the razor blased and Morrisey away from you, makes you read Lubed: The Musical on bad days* :-D
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 07:31 pm (UTC)There'll be no accusations, Just *VERY* friendly crustaceans Under the Seeeeeeeeeeeeea!
Date: 2005-10-10 06:02 pm (UTC)Kudos to you, Miss Stoney of the Sea!
Makes me wanna rub my facial spines all over ya.
Especially love the 2% and random egg bequeathment.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 07:33 pm (UTC)Hahaha! Oh, W, I'm so broken inside.
*flares flukes at you, wraps tail around places yo only WHISPER about*