NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stoney321]

OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN AND ALL THE FISH AT SEA NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

My dad asked me to send him the Pirates of the Caribbean fic I wrote - the swashbuckling gen fic - and I ATTACHED THE HARD CORE NC-17 PRISON SEX FIC ON ACCIDENT AND EMAILED IT OH MY GOD MY DAAAAAAAAAAADD!!!!!!!!

And he's on his way to CHURCH. Mormon Church. Riiiiiiiiight after he reads what his Little Girl wrote.

He's

He got

OH JESUS STRIKE ME DEAD BEFORE HE CALLS ME UP!!! I can still remember his shame the first time he heard me swear!!

To Those Whom It May Concern: I am going to die of embarassment. I leave all my personal effects to my husband, and all of my porn to the community at large. Change my friggin' name to protect the innocent, please. And for god's sake, do NOT PUT AUTHOR OF WEE!SPIKE on my tombstone!! *plays Taps*




[ETA]: Haha!! HE COULDN'T OPEN THE ATTACHMENT!!! oh my god I have used up all my good karma, haven't I?? OH HOLY EARTH AND SKY THANK YOU.

Comments

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

If you sent the email using MS Outlook, you can recall the message and have it deleted. At least, you can as long as he hasn't already checked his email.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I DID NOT. Dammit.

I used Google mail. OH MY GOD DAVE MY DAD IS NAMED DAVE TOO AND I'M A BIT HYSTERICAL.

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

Ack! ACKACKACK! Any chance that if you called him and asked him to delete attachment unread, that he would?

Or we could mobilize a SWAT Team! A Mormon daddy-protecting SWAT Team!

Oh, hon. I can't help but giggle, but I am sorry!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I can't!!! I can't call him! OH GOD HE HAS PROBABLY CLICKED IT-

I'm going to call him. SHIT. (I sent it late last night - just checked to see if it went through and FREAKED OUT when I saw what I had attached OH MY GOD)

[killabeez.livejournal.com]

Oh, yikes. I think that might beat my cat sending my tax forms to the IRS. *sympathy*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

CAT! Kitty. That's pretty funny.

CRAP. I'm going to call him and see if- SHIT.

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

OMG!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I KNOW!! PLEASE! Check out the ETA - I've never been more grateful for my dad' inability to use a computer than I am at this VERY MOMENT.

[slackerace.livejournal.com]

C'mon, you KNEW something like this was going to happen eventually! I'm sorry for laughing in the face of such tragedy, but oh my god Stoney, you are so fucked. And this is so damn funny. I must take my fun times at the expense of others where I can find it. Your father is going to stroke out. You'd better call him and let him know that the document you sent was written by someone else and that you sent it by mistake. Written by an unsavory evildoer whom you are counseling.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha! JOKES ON YOU, A!! I took Pat's advice and called him, nonchallantly asking if he read my story and he said he couldn't get it to open!!!!

SCORE!

(bwah ha haha! Oh, my GOD I am shaking, trembling, and bursting forth with hysterical laughter.)

[sdwolfpup.livejournal.com]

!

!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*almost ready to pass out*

Please... please see the ETA above... *hogod*

[tinpanalley.livejournal.com]

MEEP! Oh, sweetie...I feel your pain. My dad still imagines me a six year old with pigtails. But, I'll second the question above. Can you ask him to delete the attachment without looking at it? Make something up! Tell him the attachment has an icky, dangerous virus that will wipe out his hard drive!

*hugs you hard* Please don't die, Stoney!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHA!! Great minds think alike!! I JUST DID that. ANd he DID.

Oh my fucking- If he had read that????? He never would have been able to look me in the eye again. Oh MY.

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight* omg. I'm crossing my fingers he hasn't read it or you can get ahold of him before he does.


Eeep!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

ETA. There is one. All is well, aside from the CORONARY I almost sustained.

[slasheuse.livejournal.com]

*DIES* Ohgod, that is so funny.

Call him back and tell him you think your computer has a virus, so DELETE THE BAD ATTACHMENT RIGHT AWAY. *nodnodnod*

am SO GLAD he couldn't open it!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

YES!! YES!! He has! Oh god, my dad is a "progressive Mormon" but teh butt sex??? And my dad WORSHIPS Johnnny Depp! (he did delete it, thank GOD.)

I... I almost made my daddy cry, S.

(also: hello!!) WAY TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT ON THIS CALM MORNING.

[luvs-phoenix.livejournal.com]

Karma...she sure does lurveeeeeeeeeeeeee you!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*collapses* I'm pretty sure I've used up my entire store of the good stuff now.

:D

[rainkatt.livejournal.com]

You have my deepest sympathy for the near-heart attack. I did laugh, though...

::hands you glass with single malt scotch:: SIP it, it's the good stuff. It'll take the edge off, though. ;-)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Heh, I have a bottle of 16 year old Lagavulin for JUST such an occassion. *looks at the clock* Hmm. Bit early. Oh, well, it's Happy Hour somewhere, right?

:D

[floweringjudas.livejournal.com]

....*crying with laughter here*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD.

THE DETAILS. My DAD would have read DETAILS. (And he thinks Johnny Depp is the coolest of the cool and the things I do to his character are-)

Oh holy MOTHER did I skirt a Bad Thing. Ahahahaha!

[dodyskin.livejournal.com]

omg oh can't breathe omg ha

You are the luckiest girl who ever sent explicit porn to her father by accident.

omg

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA!!

I KNOW! I will be donating a kidney later today to balance the scales, believe me.

*is CRYING with laughter*

[lostakasha.livejournal.com]

Holy shitsky, Batgirl!

You have an angel on your shoulder, and he ain't wearing a leather duster.

Um, you shall also do time in hell for making me almost -- almost -- pee myself. (Which at my advanced age is nearly a daily happenstance, but still...)

Wee!Spike? Is absolutely going on your tombstone.

:::takes up collection for engraver's fee:::

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Never have I been more grateful that my dad hates "The Man" (read: Bill Gates) and uses subpar email programs and doc reading programs that are HORRIBLY OUT OF DATE, thus keeping him from viewing attachments.

And it appears I'll have to divide my ashes up: one set for my family, and one set for the people on my flist who INSIST on the whole "remembering me for the bad!fic" thing. Y'all should definitely have big ass party and get drunk and get debauched when I pass, however.

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

See: another reason you never, ever do anything before noon on Sunday.

Ever.

Especially nothing to do with computers, or going out in the cold.

Julia, off to check cattle, right after I post the first pic spam

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! oh, but see... I emailed this LAST NIGHT. To give him something to read as he waited for church hour to roll around, you see.

THE POSSIBILITIES! THE NIGHTMARES I COULD HAVE GIVEN HIM!!

*pets downy calves noses*

[melbournegirl.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha etc!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I am so glad I can LAUGH about this. Because, you know, he couldn't READ IT.

Otherwise, you'd be hearing about an online wake in my honor. :D

[yin-again.livejournal.com]

OMG, I just had a heart attack for you.


And then I laughed til I peed.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*hands you a cloth and makes a face*

Oh, who am I to judge? I SENT MY DAD BUTT SEX AND BLOW JOBS. Ahahahahaha!

[lynnenne]

I almost had a heart attack for you. And then I just let out a big WHEW! on your behalf. OMG the embarrassment!!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OMG, Lynne, there is a man on his knees with another man in his mouth THROUGH BARS and the bars SQUEAK and my dad would have READ THAT and know that HIS LITTLE GIRL-

I can't even finish that. Oh my god. *cracks UP*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Way to put it in the proper light! hahahahaha!!!

[cherusha.livejournal.com]

Tears streaming down my face.

Tears of RELIEF, I tell you!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OMG Ru, I just about...

*flail* CAN YOU IMAGINE?? What would YOUR dad say?!?

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

Holy HELL woman! Thank God I read this after the update!!!!!! You totally have a horseshoe up your butt. PLEASE don't write a fanfic about horseshoe butts and accidentally send it to your father, okay??

And didn't you also send an email by accident to the whole company making fun of your boss? HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING OMG?

When if this ever happens again, yes, absolutely phone and tell them not to read it! That will save much emotional scarring on both your parts. And definitely accuse someone else of writing it.

You are so freaking lucky. ::pets your trembling hands::

PS How the hell did you accidentally attach hard core porn to your email? Seriously?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OMG I SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO EMAIL, POSH.

Okay, #1: he wasn't technically my boss, but WAS a VP in the company, and he DID look like a pedophile. *laughs* The crazy thing? He lost his job soon after, and I got PROMOTED.

#2: I do this thing where I save the file in .rtf, and also in .doc, side by side on my desktop. One to read through, and the other to stick the formatting in. I call the .doc version "Readable blah blah." Now, when I'm FINISHED, I stick it in a folder, but I forgot to look in the folder and pulled the one "Readable blah blah" off my desktop and sent it, forgetting that I had started a NEW fic.

Stupid, stupid. OH MY GOD. *laughs, now that I CAN*

[bitchygrrl.livejournal.com]

OMG, you are one lucky duck. *hugs you*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Don't I know it!?! *passes out*

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

Ack! Oh, thank god he couldn't open it. I've done that, before -- I sent sex!fic to my teacher instead of the homework assignment. Fortunately, he was an idiot and didn't even see the first email but ... gah!! *hugs you tight*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD, NO YOU DID NOT!!

*shudders*

Also: HELLO! *clings*

[ropo.livejournal.com]

*Whew* I'm so glad I'm reading this after he couldn't open it. OMG. O.M.G.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I KNOW!! <-- said like Monica Gellar.

Icon of HILARITY, missy. BWAH!

[inlovewithnight.livejournal.com]

OMG. Stoney. ::hugs you for dodging that bullet::

I made the mistake of telling my mom about the Hornblower gangster AU I've been writing, and she insisted on reading it- even the porny parts. In the end I gave in, but the rule is she can READ them, but we cannot TALK about them. At all.

And if Dad ever finds them, I'm to be quietly shot and buried without fanfare. Because...no.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Okay, there is no porn sharing of any kind with:
Father
Mother (ew)
S'mom (I don't think she knows what sex is, actually - immaculate conception, I'm sure)
Older sister (she thinks I'm gay and gross because I like women. What?)
...
pets.

THROW ME TO THE PIGS IF THIS EVER HAPPENS AGAIN.