Tears of a Clown

[stoney321]

In Sparkle-News, I made up a drinking game. Now, this is the kind of game that will get you seriously hammered, if not dead from alcohol poisoning. Smeyers: She really, really needs a Thesaurus, stat.


Every time you read the words:

• GHOSTED
• BEAUTY/IFUL
• OBSESSED/IVE
• CHAGRIN
• UGH
• RAINBOW SPARKLES
• DAZZLE/LING
• PERFECT/TION/LY

you take a drink. Call the hospital and set up a donor liver before starting, because GOOD LORD, Perfect will raise your blood alcohol to death levels.





You'll notice that I've included the leaked book, Midnight Sun, and keep in mind it's only a handful of chapters, so the count tally for the possibly finished version will be way, WAY higher. And talk about laziness... It's Twilight, all the same dialogue, but from a different POV. And oh! I forgot all the stalker moments! i started counting every time Edward was really creepy/stalkerish (he even refers to himself as a stalker. UM, WHAT.)

Total count for the 12 chapters? 15. And that's a conservative number, because I counted all the stuff that happened IN ONE NIGHT as one. Dude, he reminds himself to buy OIL so he can make it so her bedroom window won't squeak. You know, because he doesn't want to WAKE HER UP while he's watching her. THAT IS FREAKY, SMEYERS.

Someone needs to record how many times Bella's heart stops beating/she stops breathing due to the nearness and perfectness of Edward. That's a double digit, for sure.

Okay, back to photoshopping "Jacob's" head on Professor Lupin. Hahahaha.

Comments

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

She actually uses the words "rainbow sparkles" together in a sentence?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

YES. Literally "rainbow sparkles." It's like the universe knew I needed a laugh.

[elisi]

Just to make sure that I fulfill my spamming quota today...

I adore this quote - the movie might actually almost be worth watching:

“When you read the book,” says Pattinson, ... “it’s like, ‘Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.’ I mean, every line is liked that. He’s the most ridiculous person who’s so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn’t do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that’s how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he’s a 108 year-old virgin so he’s obviously got some issues there.”

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Isn't that hilarious? I love the contempt he has for the character he'll be in bed with for the next year or two. Bwah!

[candiesandlaces.livejournal.com]

My respect for Pattison skyrocketed. Thanks. :D

[hope-sparkles.livejournal.com]

Robert Pattinson definitely just got some major points in my book.

[quixotic-otaku.livejournal.com]

Yes, so emo!

[kallisanryene.livejournal.com]

"that’s how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That's beyond awesome. I thought movie Edward was whiny; glad to know he was *supposed* to be that way. :D

[jerusha]

BWAHAHAHA! *cannot stop laughing at "rainbow sparkles*

Honestly, those are words that belong together only in "My Little Pony" fanfic (I'm sure such a thing exists). Or meant in an incredibly ironic way.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

RAINBOW SPARKLES!! Can you believe it?!


(And I'm honestly surprised at how few times "chagrin" popped up. I really thought it would be more. It FELT like more.)

[redbrickrose.livejournal.com]

Wait. What's Midnight Sun? There's going to be a book from Edward's POV? That's . . . alarming.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

That's the one from his POV!!! IT'S FUCKING CREEPY.

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

I think what I love about the chart is how you can see that in Breaking Dawn the numbers for perfect/ly and beauty/ful went up while others went down. Clearly she got lazy because I'm sure she could have had more dazzling in place of beautiful. I mean, come on. Dazzle us with your terrible prose, Ms. Meyers.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I actually surprised "obsess/ive" didn't go down in the 2nd book, given that Edward is gone for 70% of it.

DAZZLE ME WITH YOUR ACUMEN, AGENT STARLING.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

I don't see how anyone over the age of 10 could write the words "rainbow sparkles" together with a straight face. Intentionally.

Does she seriously intend to publish this "Midnight Sun" book? Which is all the same dialogue? God, what a lazy way to rake in the money. I am ashamed of all the readers out there who will fork over their bucks for the rehash.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Rainbow sparkles, I swear to the god of your choice.

It's irritating beyond belief, isn't it? The money she's made over this!!

[kseenaa.livejournal.com]

I am slowly backing away from this fic more and more the more I read about it... And I will drag my best friend with me... :-P

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

A wise decision!

[seraphcelene]

Dude, I submit that dazzle/d, grimace/d, and smirk/ed should be included. I really, really, really wish that you'd come up with this game before I read this. If I had waited one day, just one little ole day!! I could have passed out in alcoholic bliss 1/4 of the way through the book and been spared the horror.

Oh, the horror! It haz rainbow sparkles.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Dazzle is there, but I didn't think of grimace! Clearly there will have to be special additions of this game. :D

[maevebran.livejournal.com]

What age are these books aimed at? 5 year olds? I have a friend who says her five year old niece's favorite colors are pink, purple, and sparkle. But a grown woman writing about rainbow sparkles to a crowd older than that Oh My Dear and Fluffy Lord!

I think I shall stay far away from these books and movies. At least I can take comfort in the fact that Hollywood bought such stupidity they may actually consider my writing as it is ten times better.=)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Isn't that shameful???

[bienegold.livejournal.com]

Don't forget "murmur"!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I guess that one didn't hit me like "ugh" and the rest. I wanted to smack a person everytime I read ugh or a variant of perfect.

[flamesword.livejournal.com]

I don't even remember where I was linked from, but I found your rundown of the LDS subtext in Twilight really interesting. I'm reading your above-linked fic at the moment, and I guess I will comment here as I don't have an IJ account.

I have to say - I know very little about Mormonism in general and their missionaries in particular, but having been raised by ultra-fundamentalist Christians, there's an awful lot that sounds very familiar. :/ And I'm loving the story - I have two chapters to go, but I need sleep so I will come back later. (I got distracted for a long time with some of the meta links... )

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

fundamentalists of all stripes tend to be cousins in their behaviors and strictness, right?

I'm so happy to know someone else is reading that fic, how cool! (I think anonymous comments are turned on at my IJ, so you can comment there if it's easier than hunting me back down on LJ. I'm interested in your thoughts!

[miss-guided1986.livejournal.com]

Okay, you only have a few chapters of the leaked book and "chagrin" shows up 8 times already. I read older novels that use it maybe once. And that was when words like "chagrin" were used. Bloody hell, someone smack this woman.

Little help. :-)

[mistvieh.livejournal.com]

'Placate' and 'petulant' are two more for your list. :-)

Re: Little help. :-)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

now I'll have to call the printers to make more cards! Shouldn't have laminated so many... ;)

[quixotic-otaku.livejournal.com]

I have read/listened to these books and watched the 1st movie countless times. They are so entertaining, and awesomely bad. I think I'll try counting stalker/ing and the amount of times characters roll their eyes or how many times Bella sighs.

[(Anonymous)]

Don't forget to add incredulous(ly) to your list!

[christiespace.livejournal.com]

I have pimped your game in ontd_twatlight. Hope you don't mind.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, nope, don't mind. The companion posts to this (the LDS Sparkledammerung) have had over 34,000 hits, so I'm immune to any wank at this point and I cackle with delight over the joint mocking. :)

(And thanks for liking it enough to rec, btw!)

[pink-angel37.livejournal.com]

The chagrin thing really got to me while reading the books. Even more so than the words perfect and beautiful.

I haven't read Midnight Sun, but I totally want to now. Edward sounds freaking creepy (like he wasn't already...).

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, how irritating was "chagrin????" Gah.

[amycat1959.livejournal.com]

I got here via a link in a comment on a review of the Twilight board-game (found for me by my partner who's a wargame nerd: http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/473133 ). If I had to pick a Twiltard-game to play, this sounds much better than the official boardgame!

[sinesofinsanity (from livejournal.com)]

OMG SO AWESOME!!!!!

We tried to do a drinking game for the New Moon movie but included an "Ow" clause. That is, anytime something is sufficiently awkward, painful, or creepy you can call "Ow" and drink. We forgot about the rest of the rules after about 15 minutes.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

That's hilarious!

Sparkle Bingo Card

[jonathon riddle (from livejournal.com)]

Here are few other considerations for often repeated words and literary devices SMeyer uses in the Twilight book series. I'm currently using the audio-book version as the platform of a drinking game. Besides using "perfect/ly" and "beautiful/ly", I've also added the following:

"eye/s"

"mumbled"

Any time a sentence begins with an adverb.

Drink in good health!

Re: Sparkle Bingo Card

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*salutes* I always drink to health! Or the day. Or the phone ringing. Or the...

LOL.