Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You may remember me from such educational films as:

[stoney321]

"Lead Paint: Delicious, But Deadly" and "Dig Your Own Grave And Save!" So, I got an audition call for later today for an industry film, and I'm very excited to become a Troy McClure, if you will. And you will. Which means that I'm thinking of all the hilarious Troy McClure moments on the Simpsons, and that makes me happy.

Troy: Nothing beats a stroll in cattle country. Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as "Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun" and "Firecrackers: The Silent Killer".
Jimmy: Mr. McClure?
Troy: Oh! Hello Bobby.
Jimmy: Jimmy. I'm curious as to how meat gets from the ranch to my stomach.
Troy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down Jimmy. You just asked a mouthful. It all starts here, in the high density feed lot. Then, when the cattle are just right [swipes his finger along the top of a cow and licks it] Yum...it's time for them to graduate from Bovine University.
A klaxon blares out a siren and the cattle begin moving up a conveyor belt into the meat packing plant.
Troy: Come on Jimmy, let's take a peek at the killing floor.
Jimmy: Ohhh!
Troy: Don't let the name throw you Jimmy. It's not really a floor, it's more of a steel grating that allows material to sluice through so it can be collected and exported.

Good times, good times. "I have a crazy friend who says its wrong to eat meat. Is he crazy?" "No, just ignorant! You see, your crazy friend never heard of the food chain." <-- if anyone has a clip of that moment with all the random animals eating each other, that needs to be an icon. I'm just saying.

I smirked through most of Palin's speech last night. Wow, if you believed everything she said, she's a real hero of the American People! Except for how she actually did the opposite of a lot of what she said, like taking the LARGEST CHUNK OF FEDERAL MONEY for her state in its HISTORY. Yeah, the "liberals" are really into raising taxes and spending. I believe that's some fib on your upper lip, ma'am. This drum beating all the GOP is doing about "getting the big spending liberals out of Washington" is CRACKING ME UP, esp. from Mitt "Your Money is MY Money!" Romney. Um, the Dems haven't spent any money because the GOP spent it all. And then some!

[eta] hahah, I just read a comment that claims that all Palin cares about is zygotes and invisible friends. That's a good one.

Whoooo. Okay, that'll just get me in a bad mood for the day, and I need to be perky and "polished" in a few hours. Twinklecrest will have to wait until tomorrow.

"Locker Room Towel Fights : The Blinding of Larry Driscoll!" Hahahaha. I <3 Troy.

Comments

[bitchygrrl.livejournal.com]

Break a leg babe.
The Troy McClure moments started my day with a smile. :)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Thanks - oh, Troy. Man, I miss Phil Hartman.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

While you were laughing I was looking at the television in horror. Lies, lies and more lies and the American people are going to eat this up with a spoon. The Troy McClure moments have brightened my day.

I hope you have your own Troy McClure moments captured on film!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, I wasn't laughing last night. It was SO HARd to not change the channel. (I had to look away for most of Rudy's speech. What a gas bag he is.)

haha, me, too! "I've hate every one from chimpan-a to chimpan-zee..."

[drusplace.livejournal.com]

Have fun at he audition! Go Stoney!!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[elisi]

Oh Troy McClure... *profound love*

And US politics are freaky. I dearly wish I had a timetravel machine right now...

ETA: And good luck! *waves pom-poms*

Why can't I spell? WHY?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Well, this election year at least we have two very interesting candidates, instead of the lesser of two evils like the last two elections. (And hey, we're not as bad as most places, Zimbabwe, I'm looking at you!)

[swmbo.livejournal.com]

Hahahahah. NO JOKE. I wish I'd been with you watching it, though. I was torn between laughter and rage and grumbling.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I was knitting all during Guiliani's speech so I wouldn't have to look at his rotten face. Listening to him is bad enough...

[swmbo.livejournal.com]

Oh god. I could only listen to a couple minutes of his, then I had to NOT WATCH.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

it was the attacks on intellectualism that had me fuming. Every one of them, mocking Obama for being erudite and intelligent!! Uh....

I have one word to counter that argument: Strategery.

Wait, no, another one: New-kyoo-ler.

[swmbo.livejournal.com]

Oh god, and mocking him for CONSULTING WITH EXPERTS. Wow. He actually has the ability to admit he doesn't know everything and he should get different perspectives? Really? That's CRAZY talk.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Well, Swm, he *is* just a community organizer.

*cough* like a mayor of a town of 9000, for example.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

It is funny seeing Rudy "we need to change the laws to make me mayor for life because no one else can possibly do it" Guilliani suddenly discover that small-town mayors make great leaders.

[brainchild129.livejournal.com]

Well, after dissing both Chicago and its hometown candidate, had better steer clear of Illinois, or the 9.5 million or so residents of Chicago and its suburbs will come to KICK HIS ASS.

(Me? Angry? How on earth could you tell?)

[anelith.livejournal.com]

Have a great time at the audition and good luck! I'm hearing Troy's voice in my head now and probably will for the rest of the day, so that will make me smile. :-)

"I believe that's some fib on your upper lip, ma'am." <---- *snort, giggle*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

hahahaha, I'm working on my newscaster delivery, as that's about what they're looking for, given the script.

UGH, Anne, it was SO FRUSTRATING last night!! But I'm doing my duty and watching, so I can see what they're saying.

[lynnenne]

You know, I was one of the first actors in Hollywood to speak out against horseplay.

TROY McCLURE RULES! I cannot wait to see you be him! Good luck with your audition, WOOT!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

You know that every time I post about the Simpsons, it's pretty much for you, right?

Dial M for Murderessness! (Thanks!)

[lynnenne]

Hahahahahaha! *smooch*

SEEMPSONS :D :D

[marlo.livejournal.com]

You may remember me from such safety films as "Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly" and "Here Comes the Metric System!".

You may remember me from such self-help films as "Smoke Yourself Thin!" and "Get Confident, Stupid!"

I think Firecrackers: The Silent Killer may be my favourite. :)

Re: SEEMPSONS :D :D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha, I think "Get Confidant, Stupid!" is my fave because of how he delivers it, his voice filled with pleasant disdain. :D

[oatmellow.livejournal.com]

Okay, after my ears stopped bleeding from the DRILL BABY DRILL chanting, I managed to watch most of Palin's speech.

The 'community organizer' bit was insulting. But then when she asked "what exactly is our opponent's plan? What does he actually seek to accomplish, after he's done turning back the waters and healing the planet?" and got a huge response, my stomach turned. There is a whole lot wrong with a candidate who is willing to make fun of the fact that our planet is in dire need of healing. Environmentally and Socially. That is not something to laughing at. Bleh.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Wasn't that chanting just sickening? I wanted to thump them all on the head with a very heavy continent.

The disdain the GOP has for intellectualism and thoughtful debate is just awful. I mean, she was mocking that he was SMART. Uh... Haven't we had enough of the Eye Dee 10 Teas in the White House with Dubya? It was so irritating. Tonight won't be as blatant, I think, since it's McCain. He'll let his handlers/underlings do the dirty fighting for him.

[oatmellow.livejournal.com]

the chanting was beyond revolting. every JR Ewing clone with his big-ass hat waving in the air just a hollerin'. I'm sure my daddy was proud. I was shocked at first (srsly, am I a Pollyanna or what?) and then just absolutely repulsed by it.

I can't watch tonight. I watched last night because I wanted to give Palin a fair shake. I wanted her to prove me wrong, honestly. But she didn't. I knew her social stance was opposite of mine, but I wanted to HEAR her. Well I heard her. And I'm done.

I've added you to my RSS. I spent half of today reading your blogs when I was supposed to be working on my last round of revisions for my editor. You distracted me with your sparkles and now I'm addicted. :)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

"You distracted me with your sparkles and now I'm addicted."

See, that's why I was always on the center pole at work. hahaha. If there's one thing I love, it's to make people laugh and sneak some thinking in there, so I'm happy to have you hop on. I checked out your blog, and see you have what looks like a GREAT YA novel about Vampires coming out.

(But be honest: didn't you want to make them sparkle? Not even a little glitter peen?) Haha. Seriously, though, good luck with the coming release, it looks like a fun book.

[oatmellow.livejournal.com]

Thanks for checking out my site!

I should've made my vampires sparkle. It's the one mistake I made and I'm terrified it's gonna hurt sales. But I'm hopeful that people will be able to overlook the dull exterior of my vampires and look deeper. Because there is a plot there. I promise. LOL

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

'Sup with Palin's kids' names? Willow and Piper, okay, someone just got sucked into a Buffy/Charmed marathon. But Track and Trig? Forget all the Mommy Wars wank about her, the teen pregnancy thing and the special needs child -- Trig and Track. Srsly? And she really does look like the Midwest version of Megan Mullally (whom I realize is from the Midwest -- Oklahoma represent! -- but you know, in a cool bisexual, musical theater Midwestern kind of way.)

I've totally lost my point. I've skimmed posts, so tell the boy congrats on cross-country (and you know I will up at the hour should you need to call someone to stay awake on the drive home.)

I'm sacrificing a brownie bite in honor of your audition (it's pagan *and* delicious) and I have two words of advice from Mr. McClure for future auditions:

Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as 'Smoke yourself thin' and 'Get some confidence, Stupid!'

In conclusion, every night when I sing to Jonah (along with his massive lullaby mix) and we get to "All Through the Night," I think of Holtz, his vampire daughter, Connor's fucked up childhood and you. *smish*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HI HI HI!! How are you, little Momma? Nipples tough enough for the Senate? <-- Sue will get that, even though most of you won't. That is her Sueness.

Aww, I'm happy to know that with your sweet baboo in your arms you're thinkin gof the worst father ever. And by turn, me. HAHAHAH. And you know that I'm totally flattered by that, too.

TRACK AND TRIG. It's like she looked up names in Utah, HEY-O!

Megan Mullally - I never thought of that, but totally! Except Megan is kick ass and Palin needs a kick to the ass. I'M ON FIRE WITH THE JOKES TONIGHT, WHOO!

[brainchild129.livejournal.com]

I wondered what you thought of Romney last night, considering how vociferously you opposed him (and rightfully so) during his candidacy. All his speech demonstrated was that he is a horrid, bitter, angry, stupid man. He was practically a living stereotype of a Republican. It would have been funny if it weren't so infuriating.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I actually missed him, damn Project Runway with its lure!! I forgot he was speaking - I'll have to find clips immediately. He's such a dick. A lying, plastic dick. <- and not the fun kind of plastic dick.

[siapom.livejournal.com]

Good luck!

I believe that's some fib on your upper lip, ma'am.

*snickers* Oh, did anyone else notice that Palin's first official foray onto the international political stage was to blatantly insult the Russians?! How is that - if they were to *shudders* be elected - going to make that first overseas greeting at all pleasant and/or productive? What's she going to say? "Oh, that acceptance speech...I was just kidding!" Oy.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Thanks! We'll see how it goes...

And good lord, it's like Bush and the GOP are trying to start the Cold War back up again! It's INSAAAAAANe!

[darkhavens.livejournal.com]

And good lord, it's like Bush and the GOP are trying to start the Cold War back up again!

Well, seeing what's been going on in Georgia... or is that Russian territory again now? Yeah. I think both sides are itching for a rematch. Joy.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I know!!! And I like how Putin out Bush's George Bush. Bush likes to go tohis ranch and show how fit and cowboy-like he is, then Putin goes to look at the wilderness and tranq's a charging bear so they can't hurt the researchers he's with.

They both reeeeeaaaaaallly need to calm the fuck down.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to be dedicated to hearing both sides. Mostly so I can say to my father, "You believe this shit?"

[lostlo.livejournal.com]

Well, I made it for you, but the small size doesn't really do it justice. Hope you enjoy anyway.