Because I can make fun of myself just as easily as anything...

[stoney321]

Picture it: Sicily, 1912! (I can't let the Golden Girls go, I'm sorry.)

REAL ENTRY: So I'm on my short walk this morning (7 miles because I am Sasha Fierce, Beyonce) and cars are passing, the occupants starring at me. I hate being stared at, incidentally. I'm growing more irritated with every car passing me (and I'm walking into the wind, y'all know that stiff winds ARE MY ENEMY,) and begin to get paranoid, because I'm nothing if not a rational, calm human.

Are my tits hanging out?
Am I popping nips?
Is there blood on my leg, or is a giant man in a frightening mask following me?

On and on. A landscaper riding a lawn tractor is SLOWING DOWN and staring at me quizzically, and that's it. I stomp over to some trees under the pretense of "stretching" and check myself out. Fine, fine, everything covered, nothing amiss, WHATEVER, PEOPLE. I grab my mp3 player out of my waistband (I'm wearing a new pair of capri-length leggings that don't have a pocket, so my mp3 player is jammed in my waist band. Because of my walking, it's slipped down a bit. Ahem. And I see that the cord for my headphones is hanging down enough so that it's tucked up into my ladybidness, so to passers by, it appears that I have jammed an iPod up my cooze for safe keeping, or some such.

I WOULD STARE AT THAT, TOO.

Jesus hell, people, you can't take me anywhere. Oh, the laughing I did at myself, which only made more cars wonder about the crazy lady on the side of the road, probably setting her thingamabob to vibrate and enjoying herself in public. BWAH.

Stoney: 0
The World: A billion

Comments

[abusing-sarcasm.livejournal.com]

I would listen to that sweet, sweet music. *nods*

Make me a mix tape?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

BWAH! Twat? I cunt hair you...

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

I had a good, much-needed laugh as a result of your plight, though I am sorry you experienced it. ;)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I am a NERD DELUXE, yo.

Oh, man, thank goodness I can laugh at myself, or I would be miserable ALL THE TIME. :D

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! And it's not like someone could tell you what they thought was going on! If your fly was open or you were flashing boob I would not hesitate, but in this case I would have just stared, too!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*head desk times a million*

See, I run the cord under my shirt so I don't have all that swinging around to tangle my arms. I usually tuck the excess into my waistband, too, but it just hung down in front and...

Good lord. I'm just a hot mess.

[thebratqueen.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*breathe*

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I KNOW.

Class, right here! *points to self*

[ruthless1.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. I head desk on your behalf.
*giggles some more*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I just...

IT WASN'T THERE, OKAY WORLD?? It just LOOKED like it was. But it wasn't.

*cries* Ahahaha.

[lynnenne]

I bet the iPod had fun, though. <3

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Stupid pants with no pockets... ;)

[rainkatt.livejournal.com]

I needed that laugh! Here, have a randomly strange icon.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahahahaha, thank you!

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's... special.

Wouldn't it be hard to RUN like that?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Well, possibly? I don't know as I was walking. And keep in mind that the CORD was DANGLING BETWEEN MY CLOTHED LEGS. I didn't ACTUALLY have what people thought I had.

....just to be clear. ;)

[turnonmyheels.livejournal.com]

LOL

you know, they do sell a vibe thing that attaches to you ipod and vibes to the beat of whatever's playing. I wonder how many people thought that was exactly what you were doing while walking down the road?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

They sell iBrators?!?! Why was I not informed? And hahahaha, I would think a safe bet is most of them thought that...

[moosesal.livejournal.com]

I love you. That's all I have to say. I love you. Thank you for making me laugh.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I LOVE YOU, SAL.

(Um, people are thinking I actually shoved my player up my Noni. Why doesn't anyone READ anymore?? *laments*)

[affectingly.livejournal.com]

I am sorry to report that I, too, would have laughed and stared a little. I feel like I was probably taught better manners than that, but the fact that the idea of an iVagina would have popped into my head probably supersedes any pretense of manners.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't even think that I wouldn't have slowed down, my head hanging out, looking back and what might be the thing that makes my day.

And evidently there's an iBrator! I-

That's a lot to take in all at once.

[soundingsea.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha. Awesome.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*points to icon*

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

I know everyone is laughing at you, but personally I am appalled at the idea that seven miles is a short walk.

(I wouldn't have noticed the iPod thing as I am clueless.)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

With me, WITH ME!! Ahahaha. Well, seeing as I was walking 12 - 15 miles at a go just about a week ago, 7 is my short walk. *flexes my thighs for you*

Man, I just found out that there IS such a thing as a vibrator that attaches to your iPod! What the hell, world?

[anelith.livejournal.com]

I've done the waistband thing too! But -- only at home, since I'm a wimp and only party down with my iPod at home while doing the laundry and other chores. So nobody else there to see me look weird except the cats, and since they lick their own butts, we're even. :-)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

HEEEE! I say the same thing to my cats when they get high and mighty. Hahaha, side note, my sister calls cat butts a banana chip, which is both hilarious and has effectively put me off eating those forever. :D

[dovil.livejournal.com]

Do you fart classically, or is it more drum n bass?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

It really depends on my diet. I usually aim for a clear, high C.

[zyrya]

I can't stop laughing! Hee!

Now you can check for pics of yourself on ladybidness_thingamabob.com

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Bwah ha ha!! Oh, how I love letting people laugh at me. If you'll excuse me, I have a gallon of motor oil to swallow and a letter to write...

[claudia6913.livejournal.com]

OMG! I want to laugh out loud so bad but there's a meeting not more than 3 feet from my desk with all the managers ... and it. hurts. so. bad.

Wow...

Just ... wow.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

It was just the cord, people! JUST THE CORD!!!

*swallows a jug of bleach*

Goodbye, cruel world...

[triplemare.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry that you had the unintentional iCooze. I did however, giggle like a fiendmonkey at the image/post. Thanks for sharing!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha, YOU ARE WELCOME. I offer my personal pain and toil up to the world for mocking. *sniff* ;D

[kseenaa.livejournal.com]

MWAHAHAHAHA!!! X-D Your gold!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*bows*

[cityphonelines.livejournal.com]

Whatever, that's some sex-ay free softcore porn images you were sending out into the world!

I♥U!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHA. What a positive outlook. :D

*slumps from laughing*

[mumsisdaughter]

So next time you go out, everyone will be watching for you, wondering what sort of show you'll be putting on. Content yourself with the knowledge that you brightened their otherwise dull day and gave them something to talk about at the office or over dinner! Let's hope there isn't someone uploading the whole affair to YouTube right now!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHA! I better make sure my hair is brushed, next time! Bwah ha ha..

(Hogod, YOUTUBE. No... I think it was just all the old folks in my neighborhood and the landscaping crew. Hee!)

[oatmellow.livejournal.com]

I was certain you were going to tell us you had on white see through pants with dark granny panties.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

That's what I wear for gymnastics, but I can see how you would be confused.

Walking is capri-nylon leggings, just tight enough that I don't notice the headphone cord camel toe. :F

[heatherbird.livejournal.com]

I just laughed SO HARD that I had to repeat your story TO MY MOTHER.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OH NOES!

Pls let your mother know that I am actually quite lady-like and merely had the APPEARANCE of a foul she-beast!

*cuts crusts off watercress sammiches*

[mere-ubu.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAAA! Y'know, I was berating myself for scanning the flist instead of doing dishes, but laughing this hard more than vindicates me; now I can count this as cardio. I especially love your little mental checklist. It wouldn't have occurred to me either to ask, "Are my tits hanging out? Am I popping nips? And oh, does it look like I've stuffed my iPod into my zorch?" Dude, that question is going on the checklist PRONTO. Forewarned is forearmed.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yes, we all now have to check that we do not appear to be using our "lady purse" as a storage facility.

:O

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Normally I do too! The Mr. bought me these, and didn't know that I have SPECIFICATIONS, ZOMG.