THIS IS WELL OUT OF ORDER.

[stoney321]

OMG, I'm so spammy, but I need adult interaction, lol. So we got a notice in the mail today. Allow me:

Dear Mr. [my husband's actual name],

We wanted to take a moment to let you know how much we appreciate your hard work in helping make the community look its best.

GREAT YARD!

Thank you [His name again]
Signed,
[Our HOA]

UM WHO'S HARD WORK? LIKE, SUPER DUPER HARD WORK AND I'VE NOT EVEN TOLD YOU ABOUT THE LITERAL TON OF GRASS I MOVED LAST WEEK??? *cry* Guys, I'm an unloved middle child, I just need recognition. Ahahaha.

[I'm not actually angry, so please don't leave me a comment as if I was really anguished. BUT I AM ANGUISHED. I'm just keeping you on your toes!]

Comments

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

*face*

That's... kinda sexist.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I can't tell you how many times neighbors have seen us outside (I having been digging, etc. and him sitting and keeping me company, and I like it that way) and start asking him advice on how to do blah blah blah.


To his credit he always says, "Oh, I only know how to push a mower, my wife is the gardener."

[captainofidiots.livejournal.com]

You deserve a margarita and a massage. Pronto.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I CONCUR, MADAM.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

I'm totally making the face in your Fred icon right now. Wow. Not even addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Stoney? Just Mr. Stoney? My soul is crying for you.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Yep, to him alone. BOO, OLD LADIES THAT WORK AT THE HOA OFFICE. BOO.

[jgracio.livejournal.com]

Well now, we can't have no Texas Rose doing gardening, now can we? :D

So surely it must be the work of the Mister. Or some sort of alien from south of the border...


But hey, the work was recognized. That counts for something, right?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

LOL. OMG, the scariest thing you'll ever meet is a Rosarian that happens to be a DAR member. She'll cut your throat!

And yes, I was happy that the work was recognized, I'm just being spammy. :)

[dovil.livejournal.com]

Maybe they just saw you out in the yard and thought you were a dude. It could be that! lol

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I knew I would regret those testicle pants! The lady at the store assured me they were the latest style as they "heightened my femininity through contrast" but now I see that she was full of lies and boogers.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHA, that would be awesome! And I feel as if your hands are on my shoulders, your eyes boring into mine as if to say "I SEE YOU." I do not appreciate what you're doing with your foot, however.

OMG, that is badass of your mom!!

[a-mistletoe.livejournal.com]

*grumbles* I was just about to get my torches and pitchforks out.

Now get in that kitchen and make [husband's real name]'s dinner at once.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I better freshen my lipstick, he's work so hard all day, he doesn't need to come home to a frump! *adds to To Do List to listerine-douche*

[fishwithfeet.livejournal.com]

You are obviously so anguished! It is an affront to your status as Gardener (notice it's capitalized, it's a TITLE) that they should assume the Mister did all the work! HOW DARE THEY


:D :D :D


Also... if I'm driving through Texas on my way from Florida to Washington state, can I stop by and have some yummy drinks with you? Maybe hop in the pool?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I AM DISTRAUGHT. HORRIBLY DISTRAUGHT.

[heidishambles.livejournal.com]

OMG I so can't believe they just said that!

Sexist piglets. You better set them right.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Mm hmm, those WOMEN did me wrong. Why the women hatin' on women bid-nazz? HATERZ GONE HATE.

[cityphonelines.livejournal.com]

Do they not know they sent this to the husband of a MASTER GARDENER? How DARE. No, really in all seriousness, it should be addressed to the household, that's just proper etiquette and everyone knows all household decisions and modifications are made and overseen by the missus

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I'm right there with you on it needing to have been addressed to the HOUSEHOLD. Harumph!

[copykween.livejournal.com]

Wow, good job, HOA! Haha I guess it would have been too hard to at least put Mr. AND MRS. Stoney?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I know, right?

[cousinmary.livejournal.com]

Well, that does kinda suck. I mean, the work! I was exhausted just reading about it!

Maybe you need to add some glittery pink flamingos? A topiary high heel?
Oh! Your name spelled out in petunias?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

OOOH, I WILL ADD A GIANT TOPIARY OF ME GIVING THE FINGER! :D

[jenbooks.livejournal.com]

The mere mention of the letters H, O, and A in that order makes my blood pressure rise and sends me into HULKSMASH territory.

Grr.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ours is pretty decent, all things considered. We don't have problems or really even hear of problems in the neighborhood. But those old ladies from the office should be a leeeetle more forward thinking and drop the 50s crap. ;)

[pluckygirl.livejournal.com]

Love you Mrs. Hard working Yard lady. :D

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

WHEEEEEE! *basks* Haha, thanks!

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

Well, that sucks out loud.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I know, right? Poo.

[lynnenne]

BOOOOOOOOOO.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*throws tomatoes*

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Oh, world. Why are you so clueless?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

And I just went outside and pruned all of my basil and planted my shallots and garlic and-

OR WAS THAT MY HUSBAND? who's on a plane

[elizardbits.livejournal.com]

You need a t-shirt that says I AM THE MOTHERFUCKING GARDENER, BITCHES.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I WOULD WEAR THAT WITH PINK FLORAL LADY GLOVES.

[mumsisdaughter]

Your Vicky icon says it all. The letter should have been addressed to the whole family. (What is HOA?)

Mr S could reply, putting the matter straight and enclosing a photo of you hard at work whilst wearing the country testicle outfit. You could become April in next year's Local Gardens calendar. :)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Vicky so often speaks for me...

Ahaha, that's a FABULOUS solution to my made-up problem, I love it!

[darlas-mom.livejournal.com]

That is just rude! Seriously no "Mr and Mrs," or "the Stoney family?" They are not invited to play bridge next week, right? ;-)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

NEITHER SHALL THEY ATTEND CANASTA!

[minstrel666.livejournal.com]

Why is it that I see "and you best keep it that way. Clean yards prevent accidents. We all want to avoid accidents, don't we?" between the lines?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Um...because you're eastern European? I have no idea, dude.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

That's just downright hilarious. My guess is that these HOA ladies never actually step outdoors, otherwise they would have seen YOU moving all that dirt etc.

I'm sure Mr. Stoney laughed long and hard when he saw this.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

It's just so... perfectly wrong. He'll hopefully laugh when he gets home - he's up in the big blue yonder, not set to land until 10pm.

[ruthless1.livejournal.com]

CHOMPS his little itty bitty head off (the HOA person's head - NOT your husbands). Chews it up and then puts the pieces back on his body.
eeewwww. That even grossed ME out!

[zyrya]

If you want credit for fixing your car and moving all that dirt around, grow a penis. Duh.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

Dude! That's just rude.

We got a neighborhood association email with the subject line "The blight of the neighborhood" and my husband turned to me and started laughing. We both assumed it was our dead lawn and disinterest that had caught someone's attention! No, it was the lone college rental and its three foot high weeds peppered with discarded red plastic cups from the start of term kegger. Hilarious that the subject gave us both pause.