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stoney321Buffy felt the doctor insert the cold duck bill into her vagina.
*blink*
*blinkblink*
Ah, my fave Bad!Fic writer is back. Current fic is a love story about an abortion. I am not making this up. Spike, the woobie that he is, buys hermatressespads, helps her pee, and feeds her a "grill" cheese sandwich. However, he did let Buffy pay the $500 dollar PSAabortion fee.
Random Jossverse droppings:
Today truly is the greatest day. I love my flist hard, and thank you all again for your kind words and love. Back at ya. Who loves you, baby? [/Kojak]
*blink*
*blinkblink*
Ah, my fave Bad!Fic writer is back. Current fic is a love story about an abortion. I am not making this up. Spike, the woobie that he is, buys her
Random Jossverse droppings:
- Non-fave person her BFF? Check (Anya- who tells her step by step what an abortion is. Aww!)
- Blooming onion? check
- Casting of ALL characters in non-con random roles and without any irony? check
- Use of the made-up word "bullocks?" check
- Insertion of most random one-shot character ever? check (Gwendolyn Price as the abortionist. Not the beaver, but she who treats it)
Today truly is the greatest day. I love my flist hard, and thank you all again for your kind words and love. Back at ya. Who loves you, baby? [/Kojak]
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Date: 2005-05-24 07:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 08:00 pm (UTC)WOW.
And WTF is up with PSAs in fic? I HATE THAT SO MUCH. Unless I mock it, then I LOVE it. (Say, the mention of getting checked for prostate cancer in the Wee!Spike series. NOT SO FUNNY NOW, IS IT? HA ha ha ha!)
Seriously. I want to cage this girl and make her write bad!fic just for me.
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:16 pm (UTC)I read that thinking "Why in the hell is he shoving a DUCK up her vagina?!...I mean...the feathers!..."
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 08:27 pm (UTC)i lurve teh baaaad fic too. it'z teh funnie!
Serously, these writers are on crack, I do believe. Oh, I know, Buffy (I typed that Butty and then had to change it) is a Mary Sue. The author is hung up on the abortion "she" had and is transferring to the jossverse. She gets it off her chest and we get bad!fic to mock. it's a win win situation!!
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:40 pm (UTC)Was that the evil Watcher lady? Does she use the Glove of Whatever it was to perform the procedure? Now that would be even more uncomfortable than a duck.
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:41 pm (UTC)I was going to beg for a link, but on second thought...
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:44 pm (UTC)kink = a feather
kinky = the whole damn duck
Hee hee!
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:46 pm (UTC)I should clarify that line to read "the made up swear word for the English man." HEEE!
One thing I do know: she is the greatest gift to fandom in the history of... fandom. COme on: cream of cum? Vagina muscles snapping like a pissed off aligator? Glorious.
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:48 pm (UTC)Um, I've never heard of any avian species used as an GYN aid.
On another note, we had a school nurse that would slip a girl the cold speculum every time. And then there was my ancient OB/GYN whose nurse knit booties for the stirrups so your feet didn't get cold, and she did this wicked elaborate drape so that you didn't feel like your ass was hanging on a platter. So cool.
Okay. The grill cheese sandwich is easy - he's giving her iron.
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:48 pm (UTC)I am so pleased to find this. So, so happy. I mean, he HELPS HER PEE? And I QUOTE?
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:50 pm (UTC)Well, shit. Now I need to write a parody fic. Of a completely un-ironic tale of ABORTION and boyfriends who DON'T pay, but help the girl pee. And make her tomato soup and grill (sic) cheese sandwiches.
*quacks like a duck*
Pardon me. *shifts uncomfortably in my chair*
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:51 pm (UTC)Hee!
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:54 pm (UTC)And combined with the tomato soup (seriously. It's like she wrote up a page from her journal), we're talking some good post-abortion nutrition here. Now if she could just convince that cad to pony up some cash...
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Date: 2005-05-24 08:55 pm (UTC)See...I'm really slow tonight....*shakes head*
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Date: 2005-05-24 09:01 pm (UTC)I shouldn't say that so loud; she might hear.
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Date: 2005-05-24 09:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 09:15 pm (UTC)::gets chased around the house::
Is it just me, or is Ms Badfic getting really boring? She's fun for the short haul, with the dirty mattresses and the slutty tradesmen, but this WIP isn't bad enough to be funny. ::sad::
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Date: 2005-05-24 09:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 09:45 pm (UTC)She's TERRIBLE. And by terrible I mean boring. After all the advice to work on her writing, she friggin' DID. Stupid, stupid people. Now we rarely get gems from the days of yore.
She's gone from being craptacular to just crappy. I mean, what's the POINT of writing this fic? So you can work through your own grief? Okay, so write about YOURSELF and quit making my barbies do weird things.
I miss things like "cinnamon bun scented vagina" and "she-juice."
*mourns*
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Date: 2005-05-24 09:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-24 09:51 pm (UTC)He's such a sensitive feminist is our Spike, buying pads, not deemining her by letting her pay for her own abortion. It's so sweet. I think as soon as she gets done with the duck up her aligator snaping vagina that she go out for a milkshake and rut in the backseat of the car. Hey, maybe Buffy can get a multi visit discount card?
If only Spike hadn't stuck a bloomin onion ring on his knob thinking it had contraceptive properties.
(I hug you again, but really we know it's an excuse for a grope)
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Date: 2005-05-25 12:58 am (UTC)Don't you just love the way English doesn't translate into, ummm, English?
My favourite one, however, is reading Giles telling Xander "Well, gosh, you're just so spunky."
OMG, that's just so wrong in so many ways. Unless he means Xander is a twinkie and full of creamy goodness. Bad, bad, old man!
Who loves you, baby? We loves you!
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Date: 2005-05-25 05:11 am (UTC)I love her so hard! Her bad fic continues to stun and amaze me. She should win an award.
I'm just sayin'......
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Date: 2005-05-25 05:33 am (UTC)And I've realized that all this piss from Spike? His WATER HAS BROKEN! Won't someone get that gay vampire to the maternity ward, stat??
*fondles your ankles in a highly innappropriate manner*
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Date: 2005-05-25 05:34 am (UTC)"Spunky?" Which makes me think of punky, which just leads my brain to thoughts of dirty nappies in a full trash can.
WRONG. People should try to read their fics aloud. To complete strangers. For my amusement.
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Date: 2005-05-25 05:36 am (UTC)*lights candle*
Oh, how I long for the good old days of "orgasms like standing ovations" and a dick "seating itself in her audience."
Good times.
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Date: 2005-05-25 05:54 am (UTC)I'm so sorry.
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Date: 2005-05-25 06:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-25 06:31 am (UTC)I haven't either. I don't have time to read really good fic much less the crap she spews out.
Back in the day she was a classic.
Bless her heart. :)
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Date: 2005-05-25 07:22 am (UTC)It's indeed a good day.
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Date: 2005-05-25 08:13 am (UTC)I'm cold, lonely, uninspired and I miss you. Welcome to mood swing theatre!
Eeek!
Date: 2005-05-25 09:30 am (UTC)My god, Stoney. Here I was innocently trolling lj, wasting valuable work-time in the time-honored tradition of all civil servants, and I see this. ::points up::
It frightened me so much, I immediately went back to work!
::glowers::
But why was the doctor shoving the bar tab for a bottle of sparkling wine up Buffy's hoo-hoo?
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Date: 2005-05-25 10:25 am (UTC)*snuggles you*
And I love, love, love that icon.
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Date: 2005-05-25 10:27 am (UTC)(A/C? You wearing a cute mini skirt and a T or something?)
*rubs your arms*
I'm cleaning and sorting and organizing and burning (CDs) to get ready for you in a few days!! A FEW DAYS!! I am so, so happy to hang with my friends. Wheeeeee!
I'm working on something to pep yuh up. Keep watching...
Re: Eeek!
Date: 2005-05-25 10:28 am (UTC)We call it either a "hooey" or "nani" in my family. *cracks up*
WHATEVER YOU DO: do not go to my memories and troll the Bad!Fic listed there. It's FAR better than today's edition.
Re: Eeek!
Date: 2005-05-25 10:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-25 11:06 am (UTC)avidrdr23@aol.com.
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Date: 2005-05-25 11:26 am (UTC)http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=544172924
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Date: 2005-05-25 12:43 pm (UTC)Being vewwy vewwy quiet, sadly. Though she's recently posted such promising challenges as "name a scene and a pairing and I'll re-write the scene to replace the canon couple with your chosen pairing" so I suppose there's hope for the future.
That's another classic who's gone mostly silent. :( Ah for the days of Andrew explaining to Spike that the prostate is the male g-spot.
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Date: 2005-05-25 01:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-25 04:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-25 08:50 pm (UTC)SO AWESOME!
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Date: 2005-05-26 07:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-26 10:54 am (UTC)Duck bill...well, your lesser known abortionists will also sink to animal cruelty, cause abortion is WRONG!
Eww!
Date: 2006-06-19 05:08 am (UTC)Bwahaaha!
scymnus
Re: Eww!
Date: 2006-06-19 02:09 pm (UTC)Glad I got you to laugh - that's the whole point! :D