Snerk.

[stoney321]

I've been in a weird headspace lately which usually leads to me scrolling through Bad Places for fanfic to escape in. But those who have been around from the Early Days of this LJ will know that when I say BAD, I mean dreadful in the most delightful way. It's one of my happy places. Like watching Troll 2 or The Room. (Oh, hai Mairk.)

Let's have fun with a poll about fanfiction under the cut, shall we?*

*I do not in any way shape or form consider myself an expert (haha, you'll see why under the cut) writer or the gate keeper to what is right. This is my journal, and I'm having a go. Trust me, I'm harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. And boy, do they try to be hard on me. That's what she said. That made no sense, I realize that now.



[Poll #1858587]



COME ON, THAT'S FUNNY. (There's a very good reason why my journal name used to be Broken Inside.)

ION, I am baking an apple pie for Miss Emily, who turns ELEVEN tomorrow [oh my god, how?!?]. She requested a birthday pie instead of cake, because she's fun like that. (I made homemade vanilla bean ice cream earlier today so that it could firm up in the freezer overnight.)

[ETA] LJ is lying to those of you with b-day notifications. My birthday is not today, but the 8th.

Comments

[kayoko.livejournal.com]

Calling Blaine Eurasian is my pet peeve. Grrrrrr.

I love random polls! WHY ARE THERE NO TICKY BOXES FOR THE SAKE OF TICKY BOXES!?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

THERE WERE SO MANY TICKY BOXES THOUGH OH MY GOD I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT! D:

*banshee wails*

[zyrya]

Wicked! You are wicked! In all the perfectly gorgeous ways.

And some really wrong ways, because I just had a full-body PTSD seizure remembering all those fics about the blonde slayer and her dark-haired, older vampire boyfriend and her red-headed witch/wiccan best friend.

Happy birthday, Miss Emily!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

And don't forget her vanilla scent! And Willow's tasting of strawberries in her lady place! And chocolate orbs! And the Dark Slayer!

LOL.

Whee, my little munchkin's birfday!

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

Stoney you are hilarious. But that's not an insult is it. I fail at this poll, but I fail expertly.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*expertly replies* Seriously, it only gets funnier the more you use the word. Also, WHEE! I love random polls.

*expertly smiles at you*
*LIKE A BOSS*
*which is to say, as an expert would*

[evewithanapple.livejournal.com]

Describing people in writing as "the [blonde/brunette/redhead]" is my personal pet peeve. It is 100% irrational, but what does "the blonde" or "the brunette" actually TELL us? Their hair colour? Is the narrator taking note of said hair colour while they esape the bad guy? Is the author trying to sneak in a blonde joke?

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

The author thinks it's wrong to just say the character's name. HEY WRITERS: NO IT ISN'T. It's preferred, actually!

..said the brown haired girl in glasses. *keens*

[ruric.livejournal.com]

I left Q1 blank because if someone is inexpertly performing nuclear physics or brain surgery someone should stop them as fast as frakking possible! *G*

Q5 made me guffaw because I honestly read a story the other day where the participants cames so quietly I had to read the scene twice to make sure they had. Stealth coming for the win!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

LOL about stealth coming! Okay, there should be a ficathon where people write stealth orgasms. NINJA-CLIMAX!

[elizardbits.livejournal.com]

BEEFY MANSWORD

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

THICK AND PULSING UNSHEATHED DRILLBIT.

[denelian.livejournal.com]

my email tells me that today is your birthday. so;

"hippo birdie two ewes
hippo birdie two ewes
hippo birdie dear ewe...
hippo birdie two ewes!"


haven't been around for forever, but felt the need to say it :)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!

*blows out candles*
*expertly*

[elisi]

What was the penis euphemism that was something to do with a ferret? My mind has gone blank, but it was the best ever.

Am currently debating whether to tick alll the boxes, or none...

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

WHY DON'T I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT?!

My favorite euphemism for orgasm remains "egressed." That's from ye olde "He seated himself in her audience" purple prose story.

[halfmoon-mollie.livejournal.com]

Expertly wishes her LJ friend Stoney an expertly Happy Birthday.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

EXPERTLY THANKS YOU IN ADVANCE!

<3

[jenbooks.livejournal.com]

Awful in a hilarious way, of course.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

*BEAMS*

I just ain't right. ;D

[comedyquiche.livejournal.com]

Stoney, YOU ARE TEARING THIS FANFIC APART! (Hehehehehehehe)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I DEED NAHT HEET HAER!

You win a billion bonus points.

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, I can't believe you made a post about all of the things you hate about my fanfic. :(

*weeps (expertly)*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO STOP SCREAMING DURING SEX OKAY?

Well, Clarice? Did the lambs ever stop? [/random SotL quote]

Look. You're good. Well...you're okay. You're pretty readable, I suppose. But we all can use some improvement, right? I just need you to stop referring to Burt Hummel as "The Grumbly Mechanic" and Tina as "The One Who Never Speaks."

It can only help you in the end. [which is where the boners go.)

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

Understand that you are "awful" in the eighth grade sense of making me snicker uncontrollably.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I will take that! ;D

Loved the poll

[lissysadmin.livejournal.com]

I also have long wondered why oh why "the younger boy", "the taller boy"?
It is so distracting! Also the screaming? Really, just why? You are indeed
really mean and I admire you so much for it.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Hearing those physical descriptors to tell me who the hell is even talked makes me CRAZY. (That and when they put a reaction from who's being spoken TO after the conversation so you have to go back and count to figure out who the hell is talking when.)

IT IS EXHAUSTING BEING THIS HORRIBLE. ;)

[menomegirl.livejournal.com]

YOU FORGOT THE SNAPPING ALLIGATOR PUSSY, MISSY!

*snorfles* Love the poll!

Today's not your bday? YOU MEAN LJ LIED? *faints*

here, have a cupcake anyhow...

*flits off to read everyone's comments*

Wheeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I NEVER FORGET SNAPPING ALLIGATOR PUSSY MADAM.

I can never forget... /war vet gaze into the past

I LOVE CUPCAKES HOORAYS FOR LIES!! <3

[poshcat.livejournal.com]

I honestly couldn't decide between thundersquirt and purple-helmeted mantool. It was like Sophie's Choice OMG.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

That's why they were ticky boxes! I would not judge you for picking them both.

*drowns purple-headed mantool because thundersquirt is secretly my favorite*
*does so expertly*

[jerusha]

1. Oh, God. Some of my early fanfics...I happened across one the other day and facepalmed SO HARD. Yay improvement?

2. Thank the sweet baby Jeebus I avoided writing sex scenes in those early fics. Expertly, I might add.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, I have pulled my early ones from the web because WOW are they horrid. HORRID!! We all make those baby steps, right?

I did not expertly avoid those scenes and yeah. There's a reason why they're no longer online. OH THE HORROR. I still have some of the early ones, but they're to show my improvement over the years? I guess?

[dovil.livejournal.com]

I smoked a cigarette after taking that poll. Expertly, like a professional, like a PhD in Cigarette Smoking where I just gave my oral presentation and there was spontaneous applause and they published my article in Professional Cigarette Smoking Journal which was peer reviewed by the world champions of cigarette smoking of which I have now become.

Also after taking that poll I farted a little. Not expertly. There was aftermath. What I'm saying is that like an amateur I shat myself. Thank god all this cigarette smoke is masking the smell.

I take my happy birthday from you and give it to Miss Emily. I loved LJ's quick succession of 'someone has a birthday coming u...OMG IT'S HERE!'. I think I wasn't the only person who crapped themselves.

I believe in you.

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

I, as an expert farter (the dissertation I presented? Smelled of elderberries and SUCCESS) would like to offer you my expertise on farting, as I am considered World Renowned in the act of gas passing. (I did my undergraduate in a chili factory.)

It's really technical, and I'd have to actually be there to train you in clenching - so many people think they know what they're doing, but that's because they haven't really studied the craft, you know? - but I can get you from shitting yourself to blaming small children in a couple of weeks.

There will be a lot of cheese, whiskey, and bran muffins involved.

YOU CAN DO IT!

[stephanierb.livejournal.com]

I would LOVE to read a fic where some dude sticks his pee pee (I had to take a typing break there, I was laughing so hard) into some chick's lady bucket. I would never. stop. laughing. OMG.

[stephanierb.livejournal.com]

Also, this reminded me of a scene from one of the Naked Gun movies where they start reading from some trashy novel where "he thrust his purple headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding." AHAHAHAHA.

[ladyvyola.livejournal.com]

You give me funny feelings in my special place, Ms. Stoney.

By which I mean my brain, of course. Let me show you on this doll....

[soberloki.livejournal.com]

Awful, yes. AWFUL FUNNY, THAT IS.

HARRR, SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

*snerk* Seriously, WTF is wrong with so many writers of fanfiction? It maketh the cerebral folds to ache.

[lynnenne]

"Thundersquirt" made me laugh until I squirted.

In Glee fandom, everyone is evil except Sue. Who is saintly.

[maevebran.livejournal.com]

You are awful in the best way possible. =) (ie. awfully funny). I had managed to stay out of the badly written fic until I joined the Avengers fandom and now the "spurting ropey strands" features in way too many fics. What, exactly, do they believe the Super Soldier Serum did to Steve Rogers that that is what happens when he comes?

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

I picked 'peeling an apple' as an action which can reasonably be modified by 'expertly', based on the time I saw Iron Chef where Sakai peeled something like two dozen apples in the time it took a CIA student to peel five. Now that was some expert apple peeling (with a chef's knife. Dude.)

another insult that I will save for comments, missy.

Completely awesome. (That's an insult, right? It's so hard to know what the kids are saying, these days.) ;)

[strtmyorange.livejournal.com]

Wishing you an early but very happy birthday...expertly!!