Karma Laundrette

I failed to post this story last week. FAILED. You know who also failed? The club owner for once again having me be the one person that didn't get recorded (WTF, Phil?) and for telling me I'd be going 4th, then the emcee calling me to go up FIRST as I'm sliding a chicken nacho in my mouth. Uh... *chews super fast as I bound up on stage* Meh. Oh, and if you're guessing that I came in second AGAIN, then you guessed correctly. I'm not performing in June because I'll be out of town, and also because I'm a little bummed by how I perceive I'm being treated. They know me, they know I'll perform, and I kinda feel like I'm filler while they try and get new folks in. Meh. HOWEVER. This is one of my all time great stories, so screw it, this is funny. And completely indicative of life in Utah, btw.

[NOTE: This is an excerpt from my -unpublished- book. The story I told at the club was filled with I KNOW!s and bug-eyed facial expressions. And a jalapeño in my teeth, I'm sure. Also, there's a running gag in the book about the constant "testimonies" that Mormons are pressed into giving - that means you have to testify that the church is true, Joseph Smith is the most awesome prophet ever, and you wrap it up with "In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." So I say that last bit as a joke a lot. In case you're wondering what the hell that's doing in the story. We in the biz call that a "joke."]

( Way back in the early 90s when I was going to college in Utah, there was a boy... )

Ha ha. I still love that story, even though I hate that story. What an ass.

IN OTHER NEWS: I have to buy a dress today for the wedding that I probably will be late for and ruin everything, because that's what I do. Also, my MiL mentioned that this wedding is a "very casual affair in a garden, so [I] might want to wear pants or something." That makes me think this is a formal affair with people in tuxes and tails and I'll be like Bridget Jones showing up at a Vixen and Vicars party in a sex outfit while everyone else is dressed for church. SO A NICE DRESS IT IS, THEN.

Pro tip: it's always better to be OVER dressed than UNDER. Which is why I am always wearing tiaras and silk, even in the garden. I'm actually doing something I shouldn't, which is looking for a dress to match my adorable shoes: 4.25" stacked peekaboo heels with tan leather on the heel and toe (with a buckle) and navy and white stripes on the shoe. THEY ARE SO CUTE. A nice barrel-shaped leather clutch with a coordinating buckle would be aces. But I'm sure that doesn't exist simply because I would like it.

(And when did I become THIS girl? Eh, I've always loved heels. And my 18 year old Birks. I HAVE LAYERS.)

Lastly, if anyone wanted to buy me these amazing outdoor benches, I would not turn them down. In case you were wanting to buy me something, I didn't want you to scramble for ideas. I'm nice like that.

[ETA FOR HOLY CRAP FACTOR!!] MIKE HAS BEEN FOUND. HE IS BALD, AHAHAHAHAHA! Eff you, dude.

Well, I'm perpetually a bridesmaid, it seems. Came in second AGAIN. (I'm actually okay with that, because I get to keep competing. Once you win, you're out until the end of the year for the finals.) The waitress turned off the club owner's camera right before I performed, too, so no video. I have a great story (people kept coming up to me afterward and commiserated with me, lol) so I wrote it up under the cut for you. :)

( Last night )

And for those keeping up, my buddy Steve was there and is still doing well, so that was good to see. (He did try to get into a political fight with me, however, so I didn't want to listen to his pro-Palin, Glenn Beck is awesome BS, and hung out with a few other people that night. Fine by me. *g*)

The first rose of the season bloomed yesterday and it's GORGEOUS. I put it in a few weeks ago, "Julia Child" yellow rose, and it's just bee-you-tee-full. Big pic under the cut.

( Why it's named after her, I'm not sure. But who cares. LOOK AT THIS PRETTY FLOWER!! LOOK AT IT! )

Who watched SouthLAnd last night!?!??! I hate that the season is over, because that was the NUMBER ONE REASON why I love that show, that ep. ( SPOILERS A GO GO, plus a great convo I had last night at the slam with a friend about this show. )

Hump day! The wind has died down a touch, so I'm going to plant a peony that I shouldn't have bought. I just... I WANT THEM. Regardless of me living in Texas where they don't do well. Sigh.

Oh, ETA: is anyone else having issues with this newest build of Firefox? Holy crap, it's just dragging in every way. Feh.

Look, I make no apologies for my Coreys love, never have. And I won't lie, I totally cried this morning when I heard that Corey Haim had been found dead of an overdose. We all kinda knew, but still. He had absolutely destroyed his brain with drugs, could barely get a sentence out with any coherency, but still. He really was a good actor back in his day. He's my age. He was one of the group of actors that I dreamed about working with when I was young and starting out.

But it's freaky how my friend Steve turned back up in my life last night because he's the Haim to my Feldman [I'm cuter than Feldspar, I'd like to think.] ( A trip in the Wayback Machine and how it's come full circle, but hopefully with a different ending than Corey's. )

Story Slam! My New Favorite Thing

I did my first ever StorySlam last night, and I needn't have been worried. I was tres nervous as I hadn't been on a stage in 16 years. Yow. I'm old. Or rather, I've been busy for the past decade and change. What a great way to ease back into it. ( My story, others, and THE OUTCOME OF THE COMPETITION. Did Stoney win? Bum bum buuuuum! )

And of course, an older woman (in her 60s, wearing a kitty cat appliqué sweater) approached me and said, "You said you were single and Mormon, and there's a lovely single Mormon man at my table, I want to introduce you!" And I replied politely, "No, ma'am, I never mentioned being single," I showed my ring, "I'm married with children and I'm also no longer Mormon." Smile. She huffed at me, then stormed off. LOL. A note to anyone curious: a Mormon dude in his late 30s that isn't married? He's probably gay. :D

A great experience, I couldn't sleep hardly at all last night, my mind was whirling so much. And I'm looking forward to next month, and really hope to see Steve there, sober.