Karma Laundrette

OH HEY, BOX OFFICE MAGAZINE, THANK YOU!
(for the lazy non-clickers: one of the 5 films you have to watch this Halloween? BLOOD ON THE HIGHWAY. Oh, and EFF YOU to them for the little "amatuerish acting" dig. Even though I agree with that for a few people. I was flawless, however. LOL.)

New peeps: I'm in it. My brother in law is in it and wrote it. And a little actor named Nicholas Brendon is, too. And I got to play with his hair off set. <3

This just turned my mood around. YAY INAPPROPRIATE HUMOR MOVIES! (No, really.)

So much to fix, clean, update, do, finish, report, bake, etc. Crazy amount of work happened last week, tons of canning was done, scores of children carted hither and yon, auditions, calls backs, movie part (won!) and updates! OH THE UPDATES. I'll just dive in.

Saturday was the Blood on the Highway DVD release party, which was fun (minus the fact that my girlfriend got a horrible migraine and spent the night in the bathroom throwing up. GAH. She wouldn't let me bail and take her home, though, because "I'll be sick home or here. Eh." I finally convinced her to go after the screening.) In the interim, fun was had and people were excited about the movie. PLUS: the party was held in the old Texas Theatre, which is where Oswald went to cool his heels after the old "shoot the President, take the cannoli" incident. Awesome historical building, HUUUUGE theatre. And they have the most awesome "Intermission/ Theater Rules" video ever. (It's originally from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie, but it's the best thing EVER.) A handful of pics under the cut! ( Yay fun times! )

There was a bonus feature of a "Consumart Training Video" that my BiL made with the help of the star of the Spring Fiesta film, and it's hilarious. Know what else is? Spring Fiesta. And because of all the clicking y'all did a week ago, they landed on the FRONT PAGE of Funny or Die! NICE. Please please PLEASE keep clicking it, click "Funny" and email it to people to do the same. This is how future jobs are made in this biz, guys! And you can say you knew them when. :) And as of 8am tomorrow, you can buy Blood on the Highway at Amazon or Walmart or through Netflix! YAYNESS. You can WATCH THE TRAILER HERE. And be sure to click "Funny" or a little bit of my soul dies. :(

Next! I'm doing a film at the end of July. A movie that will star a certain someone from Arrested Development and Chuck. TONY HALE, HOLY CRAP. Now, I have no scenes with him, which sucks, but hey, I'll hopefully get to meet him. It's going to be REALLY HARD to not want to rub his shoulders and say, "Heeeeeeeeey, Brother." Funtimes.

Took the kids to see Toy Story 3 and aside from a misstep in regards to one of the female characters, I thought it was perfection. (And the little thing that bugged me is minor.) The ending tore me up and I couldn't help but cry. I looked over and saw that my son was, too. <3 He tried to hide it, then gave me a big, sappy grin and shrugged. "It's really sad, Mom." IT IS, MY LOVE. *holds* Loved it. LOVED. Thought it a fitting tribute to the series, and let me tell you, the first one came out on video when my son was 2, and we watched it ENDLESSLY. It got to the point where I thought maybe the toys WERE real when I wasn't looking. I would apologize to them when I put my son to bed. Lol. "I'm sorry he chewed on you, that's his way of saying I Love You." :)

Other movies I've seen and really enjoyed, under a cut for Spoilers. ( ORPHAN )

I've been reading some fun books, too, but they deserve posts of their own. If you wished the Sookie Books were a bit smarter, but like the fact that they were total beach reads, you might check out the series by Gail Carriger, "Soulless." It's supernatural shenanigans set in Victorian England, where Queen Victoria (and everyone else) knows about Vampires and Werewolves. She has a unique twist on the subject that keeps it from feeling like a tired retread. There are two books out with a third due in... the fall? Yep, the fall. There's an element of gayness in them that I can't decide if it's lighthearted or mildly offensive, though. (There's a foppish vampire with dandies for minions. Time appropriate? Or stereotypical? I can't decide.) They are fun, though. Not as graphic as the Sookie books - sexually - but not chaste, either. It's fitting with the time period and the tone of the books.

Okay, I need to stop typing or I won't get a thing done today. :) OH WAIT, LAST THING! This Tumblr account is hilarious. "Catalog Living" where it follows the lives of a couple, Elaine and Gary, that "live" in the catalog images. And of course they have massive issues. Funny stuff, I wish I'd thought of it.

I'll go in reverse order, because I'm all tricky and stuff.

Yesterday I went into the recording studio with a bunch of folks from Blood on the Highway and recorded the DVD commentary track. Holy wall of talking, folks. One, we all decided it would be more fun to do while drinking. Two, a few folks talked A LOT. About lots of things not related to the movie. It might sound like there was fighting. I think (think) that it was just hilarity. I know that I had a good time, regardless of people talking over me whenever I tried to mention my boobs. (lol.) The sucky part was that I was very very sober, even though I tried not to be. Woe.

And you can now PREORDER Blood on the Highway through Amazon. Cheers!

TV, specifically The Pacific. ( mildest of spoilers, simplest of conversation )

So in between auditioning for pilot season (which, holy crap are there loads of film actors coming back to TV. Hey, quit stealing work from those of us that need it!) and raising kids and laundry (ha, I'm not doing those last two, come on) I've been retooling my garden out front. It's in the beginning stages, so it's not all lush and lovely yet, but you can see where it's going. And who doesn't like flowers? Communists and the fool hearty, that's who.

( Garden Pics - quite a few and they're big for those who need to know such things )

Next up, rearranging the side shade bed. It's a yearly process - I figure out what works, what doesn't, what needs adding, etc. In maybe five years I'll be satisfied. :)

Blood on the Highway is NOW READY FOR PRE-ORDER! Sweet! Get all your Stoney, Nicholas "Xander Harris" Brendon and Tom Towles goodness right here. (Oh, and the other five people in the movie, whatever. Lol.)

Fangoria seems pretty stoked about this, so why the hell aren't you? :D

I googled my horror movie, Blood on the Highway, as one occasionally does, and found the wiki-page. And I see that two of the extras clearly edited the summary to say that they starred in the movie. OH REALLY. I'll be emailing the producer about that one. What the hell, dudes? And let me just remind everyone with Comcast or Time-Warner Cable that time is running out for VOD viewing. I believe it will be available on Netflix for streaming soon, too. Add it to your queue! :)

The other movie I was in, St. Nick, has been tearing it up on the film festival scene. It just showed in Greece where apparently Werner Hertzog loved it. !! Very cool. It really is a beautiful film, and even though most of my scenes ended up on the cutting room floor, I'm proud to have my name attached in any capacity.

For anyone who missed it and is interested *crickets* I posted about a commercial I filmed over the weekend and the excitement of jamming your feet into marshmallows for hours. I'm mostly saying that again so I can interject with a PSA: STOP SPELLING IT MARSHMELLOWS. MALLOW. It's a plant. It's what was originally used to make the product, the root of the MALLOW PLANT = MARSHMALLOWS. MALLOW not MELLOW. I just judge you when you do that, okay? That and when "then" is used instead of "than." (Hint: the first one is for TIME and the other is for a COMPARISON. Please figure that one out, already.)

I need to spend the rest of the day getting off book and figure out who these characters are for an audition (the more I prepare, the more I'm thinking this is a ... lame project. Ugh, I shouldn't say that, but it's very... student film. Eh, if they pay me, I'll sell the hell out of whichever role I'm given.) then hopefully go see New Moon tonight in an IRONIC CAPACITY. That should be obvious, given my track record.

Oh, last note: Curb Your Enthusiasm! No spoilers, but I just love the visual proof that Seinfeld was really nothing more than Larry David RPF. We've all known this, but still. It's funny. Last night's finale had everything. EVERYTHING! It was the BEST, Jerry, the BEST! :D (There could be spoilers in the comments, so be forewarned.)

entrenous88! If you're online, STOP HERE. :) and <3 The kids and the Mr. are out at the deer lease camping and hunting. (I know some of you are anti-hunting. Eh. I like getting organic, free-range, cruelty-free meat (mostly- I mean, they do die, but it's instant.) Proper hunting is way more humane than how the meat in your market arrives, I can guaran-damn-tee you that. Vegetarians and your lack of meat, notwithstanding. :) Mmmm, venison! Last week the Mr. got a 200 pound wild hog - he literally brought me home the bacon. And 120 pounds of dressed pork. And I get to have yet another year of not buying meat at the market, hooray!

The fantastically inappropriate, hilarious, disgusting horror movie that I am in (with cameos by Buffy's Nicholas Brendon and the world's Tom Towles) is being made available by Time Warner Cable through their Video on Demand feature. Navigate to the "World Premiere" feature and witness the awesome that is low-budget but high-comedy horror genre gross out movie-opoloisting. (Cataloging movies is for wussies.)

As my soon-to-be brother-in-law (who 1. wrote the movie 2. plays a hilarious frat boy and 3. I have "sex" with on screen, no that wasn't awkward for my sister - the costumer - to watch, why do you ask?) wrote on his Facebook page:

See the movie Hollywood California is calling "So balls out sweet, it's like kickboxing a kickboxing shark," and Famous Acting Celebrities are declaring "The literal film equivalent to eleven simultaneous g spot orgasms."

I don't know how to top that, but I'll try:

Sophie's Choice. Citizen Kane. Casablanca. A Streetcar Named Desire. Blood on the Highway. What do all of these movies have in common? One word, and one word only: AWESOMENESS. And Russians. And wife beaters on hot dudes. Every one of those movies has all of that, and yet somehow Blood on the Highway is more. So much more. It has blood, whores, vampires, bear traps, and dick jokes. BLOOD ON THE HIGHWAY: see it or get beat up by the AV squad.

Every time you see this movie a kitten keeps its claws. Every time you don't? A clown humps your mother. BLOOD ON THE HIGHWAY!*

*for more background on this kick booty movie, click the BotH tag. The movie is being released in October on Blu-ray in... France. It makes sense if you squint. Still waiting to hear the dvd release date for other countries.

ETA Do you read French? Proof that they love us. (Or that they hate us, I don't speak French.) ( A Babelfish'd Translation of Hilarity. )
I appreciate being a heroin that projectiles my joyusement to the world. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Damn. I'm so tired. But it's a good hurt, Clem. ( Brief talk of the downhill stretch + progress chart )

In other news, for anyone that's in Austin, Texas this Thursday night, the Alamo Drafthouse is hosting a special screening of my movie Blood on the Highway, with also features a relative unknown actor named Nicholas Brendon and another called Tom Towles. :D Should be loads of fun, the majority of the cast will be there for a Q&A afterward, and watching movies at the Alamo Drafthouses is the bomb. Come check it out! Tickets are four bucks, too. NICE. Go to Blood on the Highway's website for more info. (And check out all of the awards we've won! We'll be coming to DVD this fall, courtesy of Time Warner, I'm being told. AWESOME.)

And I'm really looking forward to looking healthy and fit for the Q&A afterward. (New folks: I was 35 lbs heavier for the role.) It's pretty sweet when people don't recognize you because you don't look, and I quote from a prior screening, "like a skeevy trailer whore in real life." Aww, so sweet! LOL.

I got a care package from crazydiamondsue yesterday (side note: she wins because I got NOTHING FROM NO ONE. When I'm famous and on a book tour discussing my latest Oscar win, she'll be carrying my purse. IN YOUR FACE. Note, she won't be carrying my purse in your face, unless she wants to. That's her right as the winner of who can show someone online that you've never met - we have, though - that YOU LOVE THEM MOST. Ahahaha. Um, I'm being funny. And weird. And tangential. I'll stop. dovil will laugh at this. Or I'll know the reason why. O_O)

Care package. It consisted of:

• one box of Sweetheart Conversation Hearts, the TWILIGHT VERSION. They have some that sparkle. I am not making this up. Except, it's not real sparkle, it's like glistening sugar that is dulling from the powder of the chalky candy getting bung up. I loooove conversation hearts, so I do not care about this. The box has Facts On Twilight on the back. It also says in mysterious print, "Try these Forbidden Fruits Flavors" and that plural fruits bugs the hell out of me. Flavors are "Orange Obsession," "Tempting Apple" (I see what you did there), "Secret Strawberry" and "Passion Fruit." OooooOoooh, tres romantique!
• Tissues! One Gay Pride set and one Punk Chick set with pink skulls. I felt bad ass wiping my nose with pink skulls at Target yesterday. lml -_- lml
• a paperback version of "I Like You" by my hero, Amy Sedaris. Seriously, if I didn't have any sense of decorum or self, I would stalk her and make googley-eyed threatening letters written on pantyhose, wrapped around cheese balls, and lob them through her window. And you know? I think she'd like that.

In conclusion, Sue rocks and that made me very happy and I laughed, holding my upper lip still so things didn't... pull. I'm still a bit tender. :) <3 <3 <3

It is FINALLY going to not be windy and yucky outside for the next few days, and my wee plants are starting to pop up and I'm so happy about that. Note to newbies: I'm a (former) master gardener and in spring there's a lot of "Ya, Gardens!" talk this way and pictures. I swear I'm not 80. My peach and plum trees are starting to bloom, and that makes me glad. It also makes me sing a song I've sung since I was a babe, "Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree" which was learned in LDS church, and I'll never, ever be able to escape it.

I completely shut down writing on my book over the past few weeks, totally bummed at lack of feedback from the people I've sent copies to, or negative feedback (only from one person, but still. Gasping in horror hurts to hear. I've since sucked it up.) I've been trying to figure out why the hell I'm writing this in the first place, does it have any place in the actual world of publishing, or should it just be something I've written and get to keep on my hard drive. I think I'll spend the rest of my convalescence working that out.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have sparkle food to laugh at. And eat, because come on: candy.

[ETA] for those that live in Philly and want to see my horror movie Blood on the Highway featuring Nicholas Brendon and Tom Towles, as well. The Backseat Film Festival will show BotH at 9:30pm this Friday - free beer to every one that goes, too! NICE.

I promise that I'm not going to constantly talk sports in my LJ. But I do have to say this: I've been a Cowboys fan since I was a kid. If you have issues with America's Team, take it elsewhere. I'm Texan before I'm a lady, is what I'm saying. :D (Super Bowl, baby!! How good were those rookies? Felix Jones! That kid... Awesome.) And UT and U of Utah have a good year coming up, and if my alma matter (Univ. of Utah) doesn't kick the ever loving shit out of BYU this year, I may boycott the color red.

OH!!! OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT. So, #1, Blood on the Highway is up for 6 B Movie Awards, including one for Nick Brendon, Best Supporting Actor, which is cool, but also: we are in Fear Fest with the casts from Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Monster Squad for a panel/convention. And we will be on the panel, too, which is freaking crazy and awesome. moosesal GUESS WHO DECIDED TO BE AT THE NEXT FearFest and not THIS one?

COREY FELDMAN and the entire cast of the original Lost Boys. *Cries!!!!* Dude, that would have been crack heaven. Corey freaking Feldman, co-panelist with me. I would have asked him about his love relationship with Haim to see if it was anything like my fic. No, I wouldn't, because that is bad behavior. But I would have been thinking it.

Last, uh... did anyone like True Blood on HBO last night? Because I was scratching my head a lot. Why does the "hot vampire" have to be so freaking unattractive? He looks like he needs a nap, a facial, and a bath. Just me? I don't know what's happened to Anna Paquin, but she had dead eyes for most of that episode. *hums "Going through the motions......"*

oh my god the season finale to Metalocalypse, nooooooooo!

Don't act like you're too mature to laugh at a hump day joke. I just witness (audibly) baby Jonah's first poopy diaper. (Crazydiamondsue's baby boy.) You know what the best thing about that is? I'm here with three potty trained children. :D

• Speaking of three (segues are for kids. And PacWest dweebs) I just posted Chapter Three of And It Came To Pass, the LDS missionary fic.


• Master Bootsie "McLovin" Collins of the Funkadelic is the noisiest damn cat. He would NOT shut up all last night, just chattering away to anyone. (I think he's looking around for Mr. S, who is traveling. Aww. Our old cat Scrappy used to call out for him when he was gone, too. I <3 Kitties.)


• I will neither confirm nor deny that a close relative of mine wished that her husband would STAY MENTALLY ILL so she could leave him without guilt, because if he "got all better and became who I wanted him to be and married someone else, that would suck." Uh...


• My family, ladies and gentlemen. (And it's not my awesome sister, Beth, for the record.)


• I do not want any judgment (I buried this one) but if there is Edward/Bella wedding night fic, I want it. I cannot BELIEVE that Smeyers faded to black on that one when she's going full out graphic in the violence department. (But that's par for the course for Utah. No boobies, but blow shit up, whoo!) And the moment that leads up to me thinking she was Going To Go There was... actually decent. She can turn a phrase, after all. Huh. The rest is utter shite, however.


• For ATLANTA area peeps who love Nick Brendon, the ATLANTA FILM FESTIVAL is showing Blood on the Highwaytonight at 10 PM (ticket info on their page)


• it's a small festival, so I can't vouch for the quality of the theater/sound, etc., but if you can watch The Aristocrats and laugh, this is the movie for you. (NB shows up towards the end.) And don't forget: Italians love my sleaze. :D